Off work- Don't know what to do.

justme111

Am I the only one who thinks living under burden if financial responsibility that makes one ill working in a job that makes one feel miserable to then spend earned money on a wedding is very wrong?
Op , I reckon if you feel good about yourself life will feel good as well , the job will not grind you down so much and you will not look for reassurance from your partner and you will be happy with him .

AfterAllThisTimeAlways

Hi everyone, thanks so much for all the replies, I'm touched by the kind words offered & excellent advice by so many of you. I've had more help on here in 1 day than I've had in years!

It's reassuring to hear people in similar situations (workwise anyway) have felt the same as me at some point. I feel so weak sometimes for feeling the way I do, when others around me in work seem to manage ok with the crappy shifts, abusive customers etc and I seem to handle it all so badly.

The doc did some blood tests & they all came back normal, so it’s definitely all in my head I’ve made an appointment for Tuesday morning, which is the day before I’m due back in work to discuss things. I really don’t know if I feel ready to go back in. This meeting on Monday is worrying me so much. I know he’s not really supposed to, but I know my manager will push me to say whether I’m coming back in or not. To be honest I don’t feel any better, still struggling to sleep, still got headaches almost all the time and feeling very low.

Someone mentioned about meds..I’m not actually on any at the minute. I’ve been trying so long to manage without help that I was just taking paracetamol and herbal remedies for sleep/stress, but alas they have not worked :sad: I do feel on Tuesday morning I may need to ask GP to go on anti depressants. Haven’t been on them in years, but I really am struggling to pull myself out of this. I feel like until I’ve maybe been on them a while & start to actually feel more positive, only then could I face work. Maybe even on a phased return basis as someone mentioned. But I really don’t know how to convey this to my manager on Monday, he wants answers & my ‘actions’ to fix all this, I just don’t have them

Sorry for the rambling, it does feel much better writing all this out though, thank you all again for reading & replying x

engineer_amy

Hi
Just wanted to offer a bit of support!


Some good suggestions here from the other posters about working out the bits that you have control over and can attempt to change, seeing a counsellor/doctor. I wanted to share my advice on the exercise side as you mention your gym having a pool - whenever I felt stuff was all piling up on me, I would go for a swim. It allowed me to clear my head and have an hour of thinking about absolutely nothing except counting the lengths I had swam. And if I wanted to think, I could prioritise it and think it through without distractions. All in addition to the cardio exercise I was getting and toning up.

Pixie5740

I remember all to well what it was like being off ill when I worked in a call centre. One unplanned absence (being late also counted as an absence) and you were put on a personal improvement plan, a second and it was a verbal warning. You were hounded until you went back in. The silly thing was that an unplanned absence was the number of periods you have off rather than the number of days so if you took a whole week off that was one period, if you took 2 separate days off over the course of the year that was classed as 2 unplanned absences. You may as well be hanged for a sheep as a lamb so people took the whole week off as the end result was the same.

As for abusive customers I used to enjoy winding them up, the ones who were just a-holes as opposed to the ones who genuinely had a reason to be upset. I used to hit the mute button and just let them rant and then I would tie them up in their own stupidity. I remember one customer (at a mobile network company I worked for) wanted an apology from me because her phone service had been barred because she had insufficient funds in her account for the direct debit to be taken.

The upside was having a giggle when a customer with a funny name phones in, the all time best name I encountered was Pamela Twococks (exact spelling) although Dr De'ath was pretty good too.

dancingfairy

Hi, it sounds like you've had a lot to cope with and that you've put everyone else first. You need to be slightly selfish and put yourself first. In the first instance this means taking some time out to recover. If you are not fit to go back to work then maybe you need to look at a bit longer. You also need to try and stand up for yourself in terms of getting some adjustments to help you cope better (easier said than done I know).
Don't forget a lot of the 'simple' things can really help, such as eating well, trying to rest (even if you can't physically sleep), getting some fresh air etc. Try and do as much as you can to help your body heal itself.
In terms of work/careers etc then given as you've supported your other half through tough times you need to look at how you can do something for you, whether it's get another job, retrain or go back to uni. Between you, see if you can come up with a vague plan/timetable as to how you can make this happen.
df

meritaten

awww - A call centre is one of the very few places I have never worked in - never considered it as a job. Office Admin, Retail and Hospitality and some Teaching is my forte.
Honey, you cannot fit a square peg in a round hole! this job does not suit you. Yes,

the paycheck is nice but there are other options out there! you are currently in work and its always easier to get another job while still in one! Look online for jobs with your current salary in another field. and APPLY for them!

but, I am concerned about how responsible you seem to feel for your parents problems. Hon, THEY are adults and responsible for their OWN lives. YOU aren't. Shed their burdens, they are NOT down to you to sort out. You sound a lovely person, but you have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility - and its misplaced. Your responsibility is primarily to yourself and your partner - not your parents. you must put yourself first - why not? they do!
They are dysfunctional - it sounds harsh but, that is THEIR problem!
I know everything seems to much to cope with right now - but tackle things one step at a time - baby steps! and life for you will improve.

gilly1964

Hi AATTA


Just wondering how you are and how the meeting went?

Regards
Gilly x

LannieDuck

You sound like you're taking positive steps already, which is great. Some exercise will help in so many ways - general health, help with depression, some 'me' time. I prefer doing classes, e.g. dance or martial arts, than going to the gym. But figure out what works for you.

I think you need to properly work out what you want your life to be like. Given the choice, what job would you like to do? You have a busy schedule now - how much spare time would you like to create during the day? Your Mum will have to fit around your schedule rather than you around hers. Once you know where you'd like to get to, you can start finding a way to make it work.

One of my colleagues just packed in her job and went off to train to be a nurse. She has to do an access course first, which isn't easy, but she's doing it. It might not be that straight-foward with a mortgage, but where there's a will there's a way...:)

AfterAllThisTimeAlways

Hi there :hello:

Thanks for the recent messages. The meeting on Monday was ok..I wrote out a few things before it in the hope it would help keep me composed but of course when asked to explain the ‘background of the issue’ I got all overwhelmed & upset. Manager just sat there in silence when I was crying- no offer of a tissue or asking if I was ok or reassuring me, just a ‘if you don’t want to go into detail you can just say that’. NO people skills whatsoever...sigh.

It was just more of the awkward questions about what ‘actions’ the doctor gave me & what I was going to do to fix it all. It was all just so ‘manager speak’ & quite impersonal. I guess thats just his personality though & may have been handled better by someone else but hey ho. He has agreed to refer me to occupational health to see what support can be offered to help me back into work & agreed another meeting in 4 weeks time to review things.

I had another appointment with the doc yesterday & explained I wasn’t feeling much different- anxiety levels still through the roof & not feeling much more positive. He signed off for another 4 weeks & started me on 10mg of Citalopram for 2 weeks to see if that makes any difference to anxiety levels & sleep. I literally was a nervous wreck on Sunday night before the meeting & having that to think about the whole time since I was off didn’t help.

However on a more positive note, OH & I adopted a puppy at the weekend. Could be seen as not the best thing to do given how I’m feeling, but actually it’s been great. It’s made me get up everyday instead of sleeping & although she can be hard work, it’s been so nice to have something to think about that isn’t a cause to feel worried or stressed. Can’t wait until we can start taking her out for walks too, the regular exercise & chance to get out and clear my head will really help me I think.

Other than that I’m waiting to hear back from the occupational health & also a referral from the docs to a local mental health support service. So hopefully once I get speaking to some professionals I can start to make sense of it all & look for ways forward.

Thanks

justme111

I think it is great re puppy.
Your manager - well ,he/she was just going through the motions, covering their !!! and probably were annoyed at you going sick as it creates problems for them. I do not think you should be concerned too much about them being sympathetic or not , if they were would you believe them anyway ?