Buffy's Savings Diary

gwen80

Buffythedebtslayer wrote: »

Hello all.

had a few shocks, well that is n't strictly true - maybe being a tad over dramatic!

1. a "friend" who........essentially now I look back used me, pretty much showed her true colours this week. This led me to look back over friendships in recent years. Now I had always been a mates before dates or indeed anything except my family.

Case study a.
best mate at work, did everything together including work, lots of work. mostly her work once she had promotion...... then she got a boyfriend. And I was DROPPED. 5 years of friendship disappeared overnight. I had nothing (this was pre MSE I think)

Case Study b
Close single friend, spent a lot of time together, often out, drinking and partying. About a year and a half ago she got a boyfriend and I haven't seen her more than once in the last year.

Case study c
My second job, 2 nights a week, some weekends (they nearly killed me) for FIVE YEARS. I thought I was friends with the woman who runs it. But the actions of her recently - and actually at the end of my time there showed otherwise.

I am very lucky in that I have loads of other friends who have stuck around and I am rarely with out a friend.Also I am aware that as I get older friendships and friends change.

However, I have thought that I do have a tendency to really put myself out for other people, often at my personal expense, give them my time, my interest only to have them go.

I am often so busy that I don't realise I am doing it and I am realising that I am becoming a martyr and whilst everyone else moves on, I barely notice and am (debts side) more or less in the same place I was TEN YEARS AGO. I read something the other day about what would you do if you could actually orchestrate your life to achieve it and the author said most people don't know.

and it is true, I don't.

Don't get me wrong, I am not writing this from the perspective of oh my God I am so miserable. I am not, at the moment the decluttering is going well, work is crap but I am not as affected by it like I used to be. I am managing the (bloody ) rabbits more, the dogs and piggies are lovely, the kids I teach, my good friends and my Mum are all good positive things in my life.

But I really saw today with crystal clarity what I have done wrong. More from a detached viewpoint. But very interesting.

hungry now .:) priorities!

Hi Buffy

I don't often post anymore, but I do read a few diaries and always keep a lookout for you. I was just going to say that I think friendships change as you get a bit older. In fact, I think all relationships do. The older I get, the more I realise how strange life is. Over the past couple of years, I've distanced myself from a few friends that weren't good for me and I'm prepared to distance myself from a few more in future if I feel they don't enhance my life. My theory lately is as the saying goes 'it's better to be alone than in bad company'. I figure this approach leaves me in a better place mentally and emotionally. Other friends are worth their weight in gold and the rest...their kindness and generosity don't cease to amaze me and my thinking goes...with more free time, I can pursue interests which may lead me to new, better friends.

Take care

Gwenx

Sun_Addict

Wise words from Gwen. Friends tend to come and go and some fall by the wayside over the years. Don't forget Buffy you have friends on here who will never judge you and are always here to listen xx

beanielou

Sun_Addict wrote: »

Wise words from Gwen. Friends tend to come and go and some fall by the wayside over the years. Don't forget Buffy you have friends on here who will never judge you and are always here to listen xx

From me too. Xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Thanks guys XX I wouldn't be where I am without the people here XXX

so tired today.ugh.

Might be possible for me finish my delcuttering today. I have to take some stuff to charity shop and then work out where to put everything.

XX

beanielou

I have decided I just have too much stuff---even with the decluttering :eek:

There_Is_a_Light

We also have too much stuff, must put some time and effort in this year to sort things out as it is really starting to get to me. I have a bike in our spare room which belonged to DS2 when he was 13.....he is now aged 20.

Your post about friends really rang a bell with me, I have had to let some very toxic people fall by the wayside (MSE folk turned FB) not you of course my little roomshare buddy. I realised that most of their conversations concentrated around putting other people down or harshly criticising which made me feel tainted by association. last night I went out with some old work friends and I felt that we had very little in common anymore, felt a bit sad really but life moves on.

Buffythedebtslayer

I would be most upset if you disappeared from FB! Room share buddy, advice giver, calmer downer, train catcher extraordinaire! xxxxx

that does sum it exactly doesn't it? Feel a bit sad, life moves on. Hard tho sometimes.

Mind, in the chaff, you do find the wheat, people here, old friends,the mates I am going out with tonight. They do drive me to distraction (!) and I will never get on a boat of any kind with them again but I do love them. Remind of this tomorrow!

I think the thing to remember is that there are always new friends to be had.

So today was meant to be a big sorting day but it isn't! only just had breakfast........
XX

lulabelle

Hey Bufster. Just catching up on your wonderful diary. I do love how you write.

So so sorry about your hamster - big hugs xxx

Re the friends point - I fully sympathise. I think you need to cut toxic people from your life. They are just draining. It is sad when you realise that someone you crossed oceans for wouldn't even jump a puddle for you but I agree with the others, friendships change as do people. Better to have one or two close friends you can fully count on and whom you know have your best interests at heart, than many acquaintances who are only in it for themselves.

Also, nothing wrong with brekkie at midday on a weekend - I LOVE doing that!!! xx

in_need_of_direction

A wise friend once told me that everyone comes into your life for a reason, a season or for life. The hard bit is figuring out which is which. Take care.

beanielou

in_need_of_direction wrote: »

A wise friend once told me that everyone comes into your life for a reason, a season or for life. The hard bit is figuring out which is which. Take care.

What an awesome bit of advice