Quit everything , and start again over 50?

Smodlet

"But back to money. The simple unvarnished truth is .......You. Me, all of us .....are constrained by budgets.

Whether we like it or not. "

AC, do you really think OH and I would live oop 'ere where it's grim if we had any choice in the matter whatsoever? Ye gods, for the money you have at your disposal atm I could buy our dream house back! No, it was nowhere near Poole nor Poole prices: It was a large, three bed detached (gods, do I miss detached!) in the nicest area of town (second most expensive but nicest, imo, no horrible, busy roads too close) It had a 100 foot garden which OH made into a park, no kidding and I miss it!

We hate it here but could not afford to buy a building plot where we used to live. We just have to suck it up, mate. The more money you waste now, the fewer choices you will have in a few months time... But, as always, it is your choice.

lessonlearned

Now the first bit about being alone and afraid......

Of course you are anxious and fearful. It's a step into the unknown and the unknown can be a scary place.

Even more reason to make yourself financially secure.

If you are financially secure and with a bit of a cushion in the bank you will be far better placed to weather any storms.....be that a bout of sickness or even becoming permanently too ill to work.

Once you are finally secure you will be working from a position of strength. You will have the money to get out and about, meet new people, make new friends, take up new hobbies, courses or pastimes which interest you.

How many people do you actually know where you are currently living. How many friends exactly, just how large a group of people.

What is their position, are they single, do they have their own families, work and businesses. Realistically how much time will you actually be spending with them. If you did get really sick how much could they actually help you. Would they want to.....

I think you are in danger of putting all your eggs in one basket, of becoming too reliant on a small group of people to supply you with the friendship and companionship you crave.

You really need to get out more. If you continue with this hopeless dream of the posh pad in Poole will you actually have any money left for socialising or will you be back to the Twickenham scenario - too skint to even go down the pub now and again.

AC. We all have to accept challenges in life. I have had to move to a new area and build a new life several times.

So have many others, not once but sometimes over and over again.

Youngsters have to leave their families to go to university. Young professionals have to move to strange cities to find work. People get divorced and have to pack up and start again. People get widowed and have to soldier on alone and bereft.

People have to strike out on their own for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes without the money or resources you have at your disposal. Sometimes with young children to take care of. Yes it is difficult and it can be very lonely. Yes it takes courage. There are lot of very courageous people out there. Sometimes we just have to suck it up and get on with it, no matter how scared, how lonely we feel.

You too are just going to have to dig deep and find that courage. You have done so well to get this far, don't give up now.

None of us is suggesting you move continents or go to a strange country where you don't speak the language or understand the culture.

We are just trying to tell you that this is a bigger world than a few streets in Poole. :rotfl:

A world that is infinite in possibilities and opportunities

You have such a golden opportunity to forge the life of your dreams. All you have to do is hold your nerve.

Have you taken any of our suggestions on board yet. Have you looked at meet up groups, have you looked at joining a rambling or walking group, have you looked at doing a short fun course at any of the local colleges. Have you joined a book group, have you looked at music pubs.

No you haven't.......all you have done is visit coffee shops.

If you want to make friends and get to know people you have to make the effort.

It's a sad fact but the world doesn't come knocking on your door, you have to go out into the world. People don't come to you, you have to go out and find them ........or else you will be very lonely.

No matter how shy or reserved you are there is something out there that will work for you.

You just have to take a deep breath and take those first steps.

Get out there and join something......a gym, a book club, a walking group, a night class, a slimming group, volunteer at a charity shop ............anything but get out there and start meeting people.

It's the only way.

Ps just read Smodlet s post. Says it all really. We have to do what we can with what we have.

I have lost the love of my life, my best friend of 34 years, my soul mate. Yes I have my sons but I can't live my life through them. I have to forge ahead and build a new life....alone.

I have lost my mother (you too fairly recently so you know how hard that is).

My mum was a wise old bird. She once told me "our children are not ours to keep, we only get to borrow them for a while". I have been luckier than many mothers mynboys are still close but this won't always be the case. It is likely that the older one will emigrate at some point and it won't be just across the Channel, it will be the other side of the world and he will be gone.

Same with my sister, now that both our parents have died she will doubtless go back to New Zealand with her Kiwi husband.

As I said to a friend recently I am now both a widow and an orphan......it's a game changer. i don't know what lies ahead for me but I do know this ......I will take whatever comes and I will face it with hope and courage.

I will Carpe that Diem!!!

I will grab it by the scruff of the neck and ride that baby for all it's worth.

wendym

I am not entirely convinced that AC saying that money will decide where he can live was a realisation of the facts, more a mild sulk (sorry, AC).

A long time ago I suggested a couple of days in February visiting South Shields. I have not returned to it, as it seemed increasingly obvious that it had to be Poole or nothing. Even Weymouth was too far.

Would you now consider a look at what's available there? Just too far outside your comfort zone?

And the thing about autoimmune illnesses is that while you might indeed have periods of remission, nobody can predict if or when.

And whether or not (I suspect not) immigrants have undermined any wage you might expect, it is unfortunately true that a combination of age and health will affect your employment prospects.

Life, in the form of the insane London housing market, has given you the chance of being free of debt, mortgage or rent. Do your sums rigorously before potentially wasting it.

dreaming

another_casualty wrote: »

Thanks for the excellent advice here slowdown. Thanks for your persistence also. A lot has gone on ,and you've seen my ups and downs from the start. It is true. I am very lucky .
My only concern is that I am on my own, know nobody and would be too isolated and lonely if I were to go anywhere else other than South Shields where I would know a few people.
It may seem like I'm blinkered in that sense, but I don't know if I'm up for more upheaval, where I feel at ease at the moment .
Life is down to money imho . It tells me where I can and cannot live.

Thanks

If this last bit were true AC, then you surely would be looking at cheaper places that have been suggested (South Shields, Lincolnshire, the Midlands)?
I do understand how daunting it is to strike out on your own but apart from your friend (who I believe is married with family?) and the landlady, you haven't seemed to make much attempt to go to places where you might strike up new friendships. Yes I know we had Christmas and New Year, and I know you have been ill with the nasty virus which was doing the rounds, and with your existing condition it may have hit you hard, but sometimes you just can't wait until you feel ok to do things - instead you have to do things and then you often start to feel ok. Getting fit was one of your goals but I know you feel the gym may be a bit to much just now (and to be honest they are not the most sociable of places as everyone tends to just concentrate on their exercise in my experience) but there are a number of walking groups which would be a bit more gentle and sociable at the same time (https://www.walkingforhealth.org.uk/walkfinder/poole-healthy-walks)
Or try volunteering at the Wildlife Trust or charity shops, or join and amateur dramatics group- they are always looking for men, as are book groups.
I have a feeling though that you are likely to say that that is not "your thing" or it is for older/younger/fitter people, but why not try it a few times (once is never enough imo) and see. You are in danger of being in the same place in another 2 months if you are not careful. Or look on StreetLife to see what is going on in your area, or Meet Up. At the same time - don't try to do too much or you will get overwhelmed and give up again. Just try one new(small) thing for a couple of weeks, then add something else.
Re landlady (or anyone else for that matter - Payplan/estate agents) you don't have to say anything, or worry about giving offence (unless of course you are being rude, which I doubt). Don't overthink this, or worry about what people "might" be thinking - often they don't think anything at all about what it is you're worried about. I don't think she is necessarily out to rip you off, and she may honestly think she is doing you a favour but you really have to do what is best for you. I think that is what you need to work out first - what exactly would be best for you. Which is why I (and everyone else) keep urging you to sort a budget out. You don't need paperwork (you said previously it is in storage) you just need a pen and paper and a bank balance. Everything else can be estimated (generously for a bit of leeway) and you know the debt amount so what are you waiting for? I know (from experience) that if you wait to feel in the right frame of mind you are likely to be waiting a long time. Go on AC - push yourself (a little, then reward yourself (a little). Rinse and repeat.

lessonlearned

Well just a quick aside.......I had a 7 hour sleep last night and I feel great. Almost human. :rotfl:

I have cleared the decks and it's battle stations, ready for action. (ooh don't you just love a seafaring metaphor). Not really suitable for a landlubber like me but hey we are an island race.......and my family had a military background.

Anyhoo I have a plan.......

"A Year to Change My Life". Just one more day of lolling around and taking it easy and it all kicks off tomorrow.

It will be a series of monthly challenges to get me on track to the future new me.

I am so ready.

enthusiasticsaver

Another idea AC is singles clubs. My sister, recently separated from her husband after 29 years of marriage. You do not need to be looking for a relationship. She is dating a man with younger children than hers so the singles club helps her find other single people (men or women) to go out with at the weekend etc.

wendym

About the sea.

My brother has yet again had what I thought was a box of kippers delivered. My Christmas present, arrived yesterday. Ignored it for a day. Have just discovered it's two pairs of kippers, some smoked salmon and a lump of smoked haddock.

All reeking, all close to date. Kippers for lunch, everything else triple bagged in the freezer.

So I'll join your Grand Plan, LL, but I'll need a non seafaring metaphor. I might postpone my start until my birthday next week, earmarked for a steroid reduction. Woo hoo me, eh?

lessonlearned

Smoked salmon....how decadent. :rotfl: and you can't beat a bit of smoked haddock. Have to say not quite so enamoured about kippers.......once in a blue moon for me. For tea, with brown bread and butter. I know, I know.

My healthy eating starts today in earnest. I had pizza last night.....stupidly........never again. :rotfl:

Today I'm fasting - trying the 16:8 rule. You eat in an 8 hour window, not worrying about counting calories or anything but just normal healthy eating.

It's not to lose weight, it's to help get my blood sugars back down to normal (they are a bit high). fasting helps sort out your insulin response - allegedly. Worth a try.

So I have just broken my fast with raspberries and Greek yogurt. Yummy. Dinner will be poussin, very posh:rotfl:

dreaming

Go for it LL - glad you are feeling so positive (well what else can you do?). Are you going to start a thread to chart your journey? I have found a "seated exercise" class nearby which I am going to try (when the new session starts) as I really need to build up some fitness but have a tendency to fall over due to dodgy knee. I am also going to teach myself how to knit socks this week. Not exactly setting the world alight but I love learning new things and am still watching the pennies (thanks to cat's teeth and car batteries). I am a big fan of Futurelearn for this reason(https://www.futurelearn.com/) and have had a go at quite a few of their courses.

lessonlearned

I actually started a thread on the health and beauty forum. It's been going for a few years now. It's great fun. As far as I know we are all females although maybe we are a bit like women's magazines that men read in secret:rotfl:

Maybe we have quite a large male following......

It's called "Frump to Fab". we discuss all thinks "fabulous" be it food, fashion, interior design, entertainment, travel, careers, relationships.

A bit of a lifestyle thing. Anyhoo it's great fun. I shall launch on there.

Actually it was my intention to start in January but of course life got in the way a bit.

Anyway just because it's a year I don't think it really matters when it starts. A year is just 12 months

Anyway the last month of my challenge will see me sailing off to the Amazon (I think Jan 7th) so that can be the challenge finale.:D

Right I have to confess my laziness knows no bounds today. Time I got dressed and got cracking.