Quit everything , and start again over 50?

another_casualty

lessonlearned wrote: »

Just caught your other thread.

I notice that National Dentline advise not to try and negotiate through an intermediary but to make direct contact. Several people told you to do exactly that but you ignored them. Harz even suggested you write yourself a script. I thought that was a great idea.

AC. A word of advice. Don't be so impulsive. Your rashness may have just cost you thousands......I do hope not. I hope you can rescue something from the wreckage.

I am not going to post any more advice. You are just too wilful and headstrong. Honestly it's like watching car crash TV. You charge through life like a bull at a gate.

Please try and take one thing away from all this.....

In future, sLow down, think first, act second.

Keep posting in the thread LL .
I have made another mistake . ( of many ).
I was trying to get payplan to do the legwork , bearing in mind all my stuff is in storage . Changing address hasn't helped .
This month has been mental .
I will contact the lenders direct and tell the truth.
I'll have to look in payplan and see if they have info (Acct no.etc)

While typing this ,my brother rings up for 25 mins . I told him what I thought of the whole situation .
I will pay the guy via my brother , just to get closure on both of them .im worn out already . No sleep and agitated

enthusiasticsaver

AC - you have paid your brothers friend. Why throw more money away? Paying it to your brother is asking for trouble. How do you know he will pass it on given his history?

Re payplan - if you want to offer full and finals they need to done direct to your creditors. If you want to do it via payplan because it is easier you will have to go down route of budgets, statements etc. You can explain you are not working and have to buy yourself another house or flat so you need to keep some back. There is no disputing you owe the money though so it is a tad unreasonable to overpay your brothers friend and then try and get away with paying a lower amount to other creditors.

As LL says you need to learn to manage money better in the future. You have done brilliantly in starting to make changes. Now make the big changes to ensure a totally debt free life in the future. Get rid of that vanquis card for a start. Too much temptation.

lessonlearned

another_casualty wrote: »

Keep posting in the thread LL .
I have made another mistake . ( of many ).
I was trying to get payplan to do the legwork , bearing in mind all my stuff is in storage . Changing address hasn't helped .
This month has been mental .
I will contact the lenders direct and tell the truth.
I'll have to look in payplan and see if they have info (Acct no.etc)

While typing this ,my brother rings up for 25 mins . I told him what I thought of the whole situation .
I will pay the guy via my brother , just to get closure on both of them .im worn out already . No sleep and agitated

We have a saying here - a bit Indelicate but here goes.

"You are like 'oss sh*t, all over t'place".......

Read back your last post........it's a garbled mess. No wonder you get in such a tiz.

The word you need is "FOCUS".

Do you ever write a list......Im guessing you don't. And yet how many people on here have Advised you to do that.

Slow Down, think, plan, review your plan, double check your plan and only then should you act.

"Pay the guy"! ......... For what exactly??

You paid him for moving the rubbish. How can you be so sure he incurred a cancellation charge. You only have your brothers word......and is he reliable or truthful.

Ask for proof. Tell him you will settle any outstanding charges upon receipt of an invoice.

And one last piece of advice........

Never never ever delegate financial matters to anyone else ever again. Not your brother nor a body like payplan.

You should Always manage your own affairs, always keep tight hold on the reins. Don't be lazy, do your own negotiating - don't ask others to "do the legwork" . It will cost you.

When I managed my husband's business accounts, we used an accountant of course. We were a limited company and accounts had to be published. But I still kept a close eye on the accountant. One year we had a Tax bill which I thought was excessive. I spent two days trawling through everything with a fine tooth comb.

We got a refund of over £2k.....not bad for two days work.......:rotfl:

Learn to manage your affairs.

dreaming

You are making this so much more complicated than it really is AC. You really don't have to tell lies but you don't have to tell the whole truth either. Plan of action (if I were you) -


1 Cancel appointment with Payplan - tell them you want more time to consider your proposals. (No lies needed just simple truth).
2. Get details of debts and creditors (either from Payplan or go into your storage facility and get paperwork).
3. Whe you have moved into you new place later this week - write to creditors with offers of F+F payments as advised on other thread (30% I believe as a start?).
4. Keep copies of all correspondence (buy a couple of cheap folders/wallets from a £shop. I assume they have them in Poole).
5. Only deal with your brother and his friend via text - it is much easier to stand firm when you don't have the instant action/reaction of spoken aloud words. Tell them to sort their problems out between themselves and that as far as you are concerned the matter is ended. Then don't get drawn into any further discussions with either of them about this matter. (Practise saying "no", and "let's move on".
6. Accept that the debts (and brothers) will not be sorted out overnight. Just like losing weight, though, the more effort you put in the better the results.
7. Accept that you will make mistakes, and learn to forgive yourself. If you have a bad day (and I know how illness can make you feel helpless/hopeless at times) then go to bed/watch crap tv/have a bar of chocolate. Then get up the next day and start again. If you do overspend on something, don't just abandon any sort of budget, try to recoup the money from somewhere else. I can guarantee you that no-one on this thread has not made mistakes.
I was going to say "good luck" (and I do wish you that in spades) but I really think most things are down to good planning and determination, with a little bit of luck thrown in. So what I will with is that you start to believe in yourself and your own capabilities. As LL (and others) have said - don't put your life in other people's hands - take control of what you can control, and let go of the stuff you can't.

dreaming

Oh, and when I say you don't have to tell the whole truth I mean that you do not have to tell your creditors any sort of story (true or otherwise) about where you may have obtained the cash for the settlement offer. Just make the offer without any explanation necessary - they probably won't care, they just want their money. They (either creditors or Payplan) cannot see what is in your bank accounts.
Perhaps don't be so open with family either - I believe that some things, even with close family, should remain private. The only exception to that, imo, is between partners when secrecy can prove to be fatal to the relationship (but that might just be my bitter experience).

another_casualty

Ok.. Great advice as always . Taken on board.
In my defence however : no sleep at all last night. Limited sleep for a very long time . Medication .
Change of address / ltd time span as to how quick to act .
Someone from outside the thread , even said I shouldn't have made the phone call to Payplan , until I moved into new permanent address. Bad move.. equity would've meant the creditors want their money against the value of home .
Then , I looked on the threads. One poster did say , make an offer ( fairly high) .
Then , excellent advice on here . I'm moving into rented accomodation on weds , so don't / didn't want Payplan to know I've moved .

There are people who know the dmp system inside out . I have watched the lowball offers being accepted . Also people who advise how much to offer. This isn't my forte .
I'm being called many things like a headless chicken , but I have tackled most things right in the end .
I have learned the hard way . I never shirk responsibility.

I should never have let my brother influence me about the move.
Being in A big family , I'm trying not to offend .
I'm putting the cash to that guy , for piece quiet and I'll never see / hear from him again. I won't bother with my brother after this . Yes , he will pay him. I told my brother a lot of truths today .

With all I have gone through , I'm being labelled many things while I'm trying to stay focused. It's not easy .
I've tried hard , and I do know you are all there for my best interest.
However, I am not the idiot I'm portrayed to be .
We all make mistakes, and I'm gonna live with mine.

I will contact the creditors direct . See what gives. If they ask , I will tell them. If not, I'll offer what they want . Hopefully a bit less.

I did not do this major ( to me anyway) ,move, to make mistakes and go back to where I've come from . I actually did think this through.
I have to join doctors on Thursday . Join a gym on Friday probably .
I will then make lists .

Thanks

dreaming

I certainly don't think you are an idiot AC. In fact I have commented before that I wish you would start to believe in yourself as it seems you often look on yourself as being a bit helpless, and rushing round with no clear plan. I could put my cod psychology hat on and say it is due to being the youngest in the family (which is why I asked you that the other day). I am the youngest in mine and sometimes feel that everyone treats me as "the baby", but to be honest I also sometimes play up to that a bit as well.
I do understand chronic illness - I have to take medication everyday - and like many people have been through the mill with life. The last couple of years in particular have been just about the most challenging I have ever faced, and some days I have just wanted to go to sleep for a very long time, and hope that someone else would take care of things. But on the whole I have more positives than negatives in my life and whilst the challenging times aren't quite behind me (and probably never will due to the nature of them) I just manage as best I can. This is one of the reasons that I have tried to keep my life as simple as possible - as I said, I control the things I can control, and those I can't I try to let go. Much easier to say than do sometimes but you just have to keep on keeping on. Someone who knows my situation asked me how I cope and my answer is "breathe in, breathe out, and keep on doing it".
Take your time with the settlement offers - there is no need to accept their first response just to get it done quickly. But if you do, well you do and you move on. Just make sure you keep enough back to buy a place and live the life you want to without killing yourself with work or worry.

lessonlearned

I don't recall anyone referring to you as an idiot either, a tad impulsive maybe and yes, not very organised. But......it was a big move. You have handled the stress well. The sleep will eventually improve.

My husband has been dead for over two years and I still dont always sleep well.

Maybe your sleep patterns will improve when you start exercising regularly.

I do think you are rushing things but then maybe I'm just over cautious. I really would advocate taking your time but I get it that you want everything done and dusted.

Everyone's different.

As for the illness thing, well of course it's difficult but you are now in the happy position of being able to take time out and get fitter. So chin up and look to that rosy future.

You have done the hard work now so just take your time. Pay off the nice brother first, the one who stood by you. The other creditors can wait a few days until you are settled in your rental.

Just edited to add.....me saying sayjng that telling lies about the source of your income is "plain stupidity" does not mean I think you are an idiot, it just means that I think it was a stupid thing to do.......

And we all do stupid things from time to time. I have done hundreds of catastropically stupid things..........

Marrying my first husband was probably the most stupid thing I have done. I realised before the wedding that it was a bad move but I was too proud to admit it. Lol.

At least you didn't make that mistake........

enthusiasticsaver

I don't think you are an idiot AC but I think you definitely find it difficult to focus and think things through. There is no rush with any of this. The debts have been there for 4 years so a few more weeks won't matter. You only have 3 creditors so it is entirely feasible to deal with them direct.

I am not going to comment on your brother and his friend but it is fairly clear they are taking advantage.

I am another fan of lists. Don't leave it until Friday. You are not working so have plenty of time.

wendym

Hi AC.

I did as I was told and increased my pred for the dental challenge (reduced today) and just wanted to say again that steroid insomnia is like nothing else.

I think you should start with a very basic list. I don't think it should include joining a gym immediately. Overdoing it while battling tiredness could be counterproductive, and gym membership is not cheap. You don't need an expenditure to feel guilty about. Leave that decision until the New Year.

I do think you need some time fairly soon to Do Some Sums. Write down all your outgoings including the unexpected full debt repayment, and get a clear idea of what you can afford to spend on your next house/flat. I don't know anything about current debt management, but I do know about budgeting. The Statement of Affairs used on here would seem a good place to start.

Could you get away with claiming that you need to get a new phone, and will let your brother have the number when you have it?