To give or to give up?

TS_777

Thank you Seaxwyn for your kind message!

Husband applied for several jobs he saw at Job Centre (I think there were 3), but nobody replied. I am afraid his previous work experience and education work against him! On top of this he doesn't have a driving license! He never learned to drive because he never wanted to have a car, he is a pickle.

I am slowly turning towards the idea of doing BR rather than enduring 4-5 years of streniously paying all back. BR is awfully scary and we will have to give up any hopes of having a house of our own in the future. But apart from hopes of having a house there is nothing much to lose. All that we have is: his pension, my ISA, 3 bycicles, 4 computers, one TV, bookshelves, books, CDs and other small things like toaster and ironing board. The good thing about BR is that nobody will give him a credit card in the future while if he pays it back he will have chance of keeping his cards and getting into debt once again!

TS

chevalier

Hi there TS if you think that of your DR then find another one! I had to admit that there was a problem when I thought that running away from my family was the best thing to do! My Dr has been very good and I am now on medication. This isn't the be all and end all, BUT it is a good way of getting more balanced. I found that it helped me to come back to being more like the real me (still not all the way there, but that is in the main due to having a big set back in Feb that put a dent in my progress). I would still give them a try they really can help.

Ref the BR angle. I would be VERY careful about this and would suggest you post on the BR and living with it forum too. Reason being that your own assets might be at risk AS WELL as your OH's. Also if the slate were wiped clean, would your OH learn from it, or think well everything is all right now I can carry with the mind set I had before? I personally think he NEEDS the sweat and tears of paying this off or else he won't perhaps learn to be financially responsible.
Sorry if this is a bit harsh, but you need to consider all the angles for you children's sake and your own.
chev

Elliesmum

Hi TS

I've just read through your thread to catch up and things do not seem to be getting better for you. I think the advice about BR is a good one - when does your OH go to the CAB? I would check into this very carefully but if BR will stop the interest and help your family move on then I think this could be a positive move.

I hope this do get better very shortly.

EM xx

Buffythedebtslayer

Hello, I have just found your post crikey moses indeed honey, that is scary. I think the first thing is that you aren't the only person this has happened to in the world and you will get out of it. I appreciate it doesn't feel like it now but you will.

Although I understand the better or worse richer or poorer I do believe in your position with the savings I would buy a house in my name purely so the children had some where permanment to live, plus you and hubby would have a safe place to be? You must lie awake wondering how you are going to pay the rent if anything else goes wrong I know I would. After that was sorted or at least decided I would work with hubby to fix things - if he wants bankruptcy ok if not ok. That is how I would interpet the wedding vows. I think giving him your savings would just give him an easy way out and risk your financial security, not on when you have kids. Although if he had a job maybe I would think differently

As to hubby sitting and pretending its all going to be fine well I should think its what the other poster said - the man's way of dealing with his problems, annoying but one of my male friends is appalling only tells me stuff after it happens. I don't know what to suggest there. Am hopeless with men!!

I think you should go to your doctor or find a new one, at least get something to help you sleep. I know they can be annoying but sometimes they suprise you.

and I think you should congratulate yourself on handling this all so well. It is very impressive.

Good luck hon

Buffy