To give or to give up?

TS_777

My dear DFW fellows, guys and girlies!

This is my 4 th week report. Truth about imminent financial disaster is slowly coming to my poor husband's head, very slowly (like to giraffe), but surely. He is scared as a sick kitten. 10% of me is secretly pleased to see him punished for his bloody arrogance, 50% of me is motherly sad and compassionate, 30% is worriedly sick about the future and 10% still want to hit him with a frying pan or rolling pin from time to time.

Bank holiday weekend I spent cleaning the house as I found that it helps me to beat black moods and anxiety about the future. Cleaning your home is an excellent anti-depressant, truely MSE remedy, cheap and effective, gives you quick positive result, satisfaction, physical activity, settles you into positive mood and helps to think. We also went for a countryside walk (total expense: 4£ on public transport) and ate lots and lots of brumbles. Maybe should pick them next time for a MSE jam...mmm..!

Today husband went to local CAB office to ask for an appointment. They gave him a 1-hour appointment, but in 4 weeks, so disappointment appointment! It's a long time to wait. Is it OK if he calls CCCS in the meantime to see if they could advise him sooner?
Or is it actually better to do it himself and write to the companies using the template letter asking them to freeze his interest? He thinks they might be unreasonable, and start demanding rather more money than less. What do you think?
His current earning is 260 month (job seeker's benefit). There are about 10 creditors. If he offers them 38 £/month (for each 10K he owes) in repayment, are they likely to accept? And if they accept that, than for how long will they be happy with this? He is looking for a job, but no replies so far. What if he offers his creditors to work for them? Or is it too ludicrous?

TS 777

madmoney_2

hi ts, im not an expert on this but he should give cccs a call, a lot of people swear by them on here, and i think it may do him some good to talk it through with them, good luck n let us know how u get on! xxx

spud30

TS,

Of course you could ring CCCS. Their appointments are likely to have a month or so waiting time, but they would give immediate advice on what to do in the meantime.

Glad your DH's lighbulb has at least started to flicker.

TS_777

It is now week #5 since the disastrous news. Husband went for an interview for a very good job. If he gets it he will have about 2k/month or more after tax and NI that will cover his minimum repayment that is 1.6k/month. And there will be about 400/month left for overpay. IF only he gets it!.. which is a big IF. Competition is high, there were 4 other candidates, so his chances are 20%. He also has another interview this week, this job he is more likely to get, but it is less pay and no career prospects. He might end up being redundant once again, as it is a contract job, not permanent.

He hopes that if he gets a job, he will be able to transfer most of his debt to 5% loans, and taken into account that his debt is now 68K and prospective salary is 24,000/year. So his debt will be

After 1 year 68,000x1.05-24,000=57,400
After 2 years: 57,400x1.05-24,000=36,270
After 3 years: 36,270x1,05-24,000=14,083
After 4 years: 14,083x1.05-24,000=-9,212
So the best possible prognosis is 3.5 years.

But if his percent is not 5, but 16% (or 20% as it is currently now on some), than it will take 4 years and 2 months
68,000x1.16-24,000=54,880
54,880x1.16-24,000=39,660
39,660x1.16-24.000=23,953
23,953x1.16-24,000=3,785

On a money saving front I told my child#1 that she has to cut her ballet lessons from 4 to 2 per week (savings 100£/month) and she has to take packed lunch, not use canteen as before (savings 70-80£/month).

I told my husband that I will pay for house hold expenses (rent, bills, food) but I am not repaying his debts. I am not giving him money and I am not getting any joint credit cards or loans. As he was the one who got into debt, he has to deal with it, and I want to see him shedding bloody tears for being so stupid. I think I'll be able to forgive him only if I see his great great great remorse or see him suffering or heroically struggling. If he jumped into River Thames (and survived of course) that will do. I think I will forgive him than. But he will never do it, he is progmatic and he is a coward.

sammy115

You could always give national debtline a call. I found them invaluable. You should also go to www.entitledto.co.uk and input your details for last year and this year. You may be entitled to about £500 per annum Child tax credit - its not a lot but you should get everything you are entitled to.

You should also stop voluntary contributions to the school. You need the money more than they do at the moment.

Good luck with the job for your OH. People do strange things sometimes, with the best of intentions. I certainly have!

chevalier

okay I think your OH needs to think about ANY job now just so there is more money coming in. Also it would mean that there was more money for a debt management plan with either CCCS or Payplan (links at top of the forum). There are any number of jobs going at the moment in the run up to christmas (as another poster will attest ref delivery jobs for example). So I am sure he could get a delivery job, xmas postman job, working in a shop warehousing, or on the tills. He CAN'T be too proud now. Anything is better than £59 JSA. There is no excuse I am afraid, at this time of the year, when everyone is taking on extra staff for Christmas, for him to be on the dole.

Whilst he has a mundane job then he can be looking for one in his real job market. Doing this could also look good on a cv. Ie he got off his butt and did something proactive rather than just take the JSA.

Personally I would be booting him out the door to sign on with every agency going (and I am assuming your are in/near london if you have an oyster card), and there will be loads in London area.

Also I know it is a long shot, but could he go back to the company that he was working for before he started on this slide into gambling?

chev

TS_777

Husband contacted his old work, and they said that they will/might take him in the near future, which is probably 2 months due to administration slowness. So he is hanging in the midair waiting. In the meantime his earning is 59/week (JSA). His problem is that he is an intellectual, he never worked part time as a teenager or as a student. He doesn't know how to do anything besides his profession. So he sits at home with his laptop, this is the scene when I leave home and when I come home. I hate him for this inactivity and for getting into debt so foolishly in the first place.

I don't understand why but it is me who is so miserable, while he is calm and philosophical. I just can't stop thinking about this. I feel like cracking from tension, like a down spiralling crashing plane that is 10 seconds from hitting a ground.

So today I phoned my husband's mum today because I couldn't take it any more. She actually took it well, I definately underestimated her. She was calm and gave advices and tried to reassure me that it is not the worst thing. Maybe older generation is tougher than us, they lived through mich more hardship. She actually said that she preferred to know what is happening rather than be in a blissful unawareness.

I remember about 3 months ago I was talking to my collegue and I said quite haughtilly:"there are no surprises in this life for me." I can't stop laughing when I think about this, I was so wrong. A month later my husband surprised me so much! That's the good bit, life is full the surprises!

chevalier

Hi there
If you are feeling like you say, then please think about seeing your GP to check if you have depression. It may be that the shock has had a negative medical effect on you. Also you OH may look calm etc, but I bet he is seething with emotions inside, that he doesn't know how to express.

chev

TS_777

Thank you chevalier for your kind message. You live by your name, attending to a Damsel in Disstress!

You are right, it is a depression indeed. But I am not thinking about doing anything stupid and hope that I'll pull through. Actually I am thinking about being dead every day because every day I cycle to work through central London, like a camikadze. Just one extra boyant white van or a tipsy mum in 4x4 and I'll be dead, my beautiful brain with IQ134 smashed on a dirty road as some gruel, yuk!

I thought about GP, but I don't have faith in them, most are rubbish, and they hate their patients. My remedy is my children. When I come home and look at them and hug them, I feel much better, especially when I cuddle a little one who is still quite small and soft and is an apple of her mummy's eye. It is not the worst thing I was through. I think it is caused by a shock, similar to if you found that Gordon Brown is a secret gambler and has a huge debt and secretly posting here. You know, something that you think is never ever possible.

TS

Seaxwyn

HI TS, I've just seen your thread for the first time and read through it with real admiration for you.

I have no advice to offer I just wanted to send huge sympathy. I'm in a similar situation to you in some ways - OH is responsible for our debts but it's me that lies awake at night worrying and yes, he spends all day and most of the night sitting at his computer engaged in pointless activities.

I really hope your OH gets a well paid job soon but until then, I second Chevalier's advice - make him go out and get a job as a Christmas postman or whatever he can get. I nagged my OH for a long time to get a job, any job, and he was very resistant but eventually (I don't know how) I forced him to take a job driving a van and this did go some way to improving the situation, and things have got a bit better since then.

Please take care of yourself, do not steer under a white van or 4x4, stay strong for your lovely children. It's great that your mother-in-law is supportive. And that you and your OH are both capable of earning good money and will be able to pay off this debt.