To give or to give up?

rayday2

I believe the traditional vowels mean things that life throws at you like illness, redundancies things you can't help!

The OP husband lost money he had his warning bell then he borrowed money and lost again - no one if they choose not too has to put up with that and they do not deserve wedding vowels thrown back at them!

I thought I had stepped back into the 1800's when I read that!

If he is such a traditonal man with tradional values why is he not grafting, plenty of jobs allbeit low paid ones round for anyone willing to support a family.

Personally I think OP shows dedication and patience.

Elliesmum

OK TS 777, there is alot of advice here and some is very good advice indeed.

Your post starts *to give or to give up?* I say neither. Do not give the 30K to your husband but do not give up either.

It is obvious from your posts that you love your husband and that you would like to work this out - well see if you can. See if he can face what has happened and go for BR. Can you see if you could get a mortgage with your 30K and your credit rating. These seem to be the most logical suggestions on this thread to me and this is waht I would do.

After of course chasing my hubby around the garden with the frying pan for getting into such a mess in the first place - lol, just kidding but you know what I mean I hope.

Good luck in the future - I really hope this will work out for you. You need to be very strong at the moment which I know is a hard thing to do. But for the security of your children and your sanity you need and I know you will get through this. Keep posting - let us know your progress.

EM xx

Elliesmum

P.S.

I would be scared too.................... EM xx

tomstickland

What worries is that my husband is in denial. Husband is still in “slightly deluded phase”and thinks that miraculously things will sort themselves out in a month.

This is a high priority to sort.

madmoney_2

tomstickland wrote: »

This is a high priority to sort.

i agree, there will be no short term fix with this - your husband needs to acknowledge that he has a problem or you will be going around in circles for the rest of your life!! im talking from experience - been there, done that and consequently cant afford the t-shirt

Verbatim

Can I just point out that all CAB interviews are done in Confidence. They will not let his creditors know anything he doesn't want them to. What will happen is that his options will be explained and help given with any decision he makes as to the next step. As long as it's legal (and sensible...they wouldn't help him apply for more credit iyswim).

Adrasteia01

I'd say your husband will need some counselling after this - not just for the gambling but in dealing with the consequences of his actions (and realising that there's no quick way to fix this).

I can see that you're already looking at options. Get some good advice from CCCS or similar and do what has to be done (or convince your husband to). Then step back and go on with life, try and put things right between you, and pay off the debts as you go along. Things look bad now, but they will improve. Everything changes, eventually.

That's the best way I can see.

Tamara

Treadmill

The fellow made a mistake as we all do from time to time, I'm not here to judge the reasons someone is in debt any more than I would like somebody to judge me.

If he'd made a packet spread betting as it is possible to do we'd all think he was dead clever, gambling is an addiction and needs support not condemnation.

Dawes_2

Seems like a no brainer for the OH to go bankrupt. His credit history must be shot to pieces anyway so going BR won't change it much. Just be really really glad that you haven't got a joint mortgage with high equity :eek:

I can't work out that on joint incomes of ~£4.5k monthly why you haven't actually bought a house in the past? Good luck on sorting the problems out. :A

lazza_w

TS_777 wrote: »

What worries is that my husband is in denial. Husband is still in “slightly deluded phase”and thinks that miraculously things will sort themselves out in a month.

I'm glad some of the understandable anger you feel is subsiding a little and you are looking at the practicalities of getting your whole familiy out of the situation.

Apart from mathematics of how to deal with the debt your and your husband obviously need support for the reason you got into this mess in the first place.

Gamblersanonymous are worth contacting for advice for you both. To get into that level of debt and still be in denial suggests that his actions were not just those of someone too pigheaded to stop, but of someone with a real addicion. As such it should be viewed as an illness that needs support to treat. Seek advice in this direction, otherwise you may find yourself in the same position in the future. His family may need to be told in the future, but from the point of view of providing support for an illness.

Spreadbetting is a very dangerous form of gambling. The risks are just the same as for those who speculate in stocks and shares but it is easier to get into. You could buy £1000 of shares and have the value drop by 20%, losing you £200. Via a spreadbetting company you could deposit £100, place a £2 spread on the same shares and lose £200 in just the same way. The risks are just the same, but putting £2 on a web site feels less of a comittment and requires less capital than buying the shares. This makes it easier to get into. Unfortunately the scale of your problem is far greater.

If he initially got lucky and made £20k it would be easy to get a false sence of security that future losses could be recouped. Not knowing when to cut his losses, or being unable to stop himself are what turns it from a risky passtime into a gambling problem.

I wish your whole family well as you deal with the problem