To give or to give up?

tesuhoha

Paulxo wrote: »

Typical MSE advice this. Your partner is 68k in debt? Have you thought about getting a 200k mortgage? Could save yourself £200 a month! :mad:

Honestly.

I was not suggesting a 200k mortgage. As the lady has a 30k lump sum she would probably be able to put this down on a flat or a small terraced house. The rent she is currently paying is £1400 per month so yes she could afford to pay a mortgage. A house is an investment and will get her onto the property ladder. She spoke about paying off her husband's debts and never being able to own a house so she obviously wants this. Her husband should be responsible for his own debts. If the house is in her name it would be a secure home for her children and her 30k would be invested wisely. It would be up to her if her husband lived with her but the pair of them could afford to pay the mortgage and tackle the debts. The alternative is to stay in a rented property which will cost thousands over the years and at the end of it she will have nothing to show for it.

tesuhoha

Paulxo wrote: »

What's more important to you? Money?

Do you remember...'for richer or poorer?'.

I don't see what security has got to do with it. You have savings, so you're secure. Going bankrupt is ok if you've got that kind of money saved up. Not as if you really need any credit is it?

You can continue to rent (is now really the time to go househunting? Honestly) and live. Your husband made a mistake, he now needs your support. I'm sure he did it in order to make you rich and secure. It didn't work. So what?

Support him. If you take everything else away from him that would be criminal.

Telling his Mummy? Which one of you is 12?

I dont think much of your advice. Her husband has acted like a complete lunatic giving up work to stooze and gamble on line. He needs a sharp lesson. How could anyone seriously think they could become rich this way. I think this lady should go for the mortgage before the rest of her 30k is swallowed up. There would still be spare money to tackle the debts slowly and there would be the investment of the house working for them in 2 ways, the mortgage they are paying instead of rent will eventually pay for the house or pave the way for them to move and the house price will eventually go up thus increasing their wealth. Otherwise how long will it take her to pay off his debt and then save a deposit for a house? By then house prices would have gone up even more and she'll get less for her money.

Broken_hearted

It looks a lot suss, they have loads of savings yet all the debt is in one persons name and savings in the other.

tesuhoha

Also, I know someone whose wife left him and took the kids with her. She inherited some money and bought a house while he was still married to her. She had deliberately disappeared so that he did not not about the house purchase until afterwards. He was not able to force her to sell the house and he was not able to get any part of the inheritance because it was the childrens' home. To date he has not had any money from that inheritance and both daughters are in their twenties. My point is if you buy a house and then split up, your husband will not be able to force you to sell it and give him half unless you choose to do so.

rayday2

Excuse me the sex slant here but it had to come from a man stick by him richer or poorer!

What was he thinking about when risking the famalies financial security!

She has stuck by him and done a bloomin good job I have known women walk out for a lot less! If she was too allow him the money he would not learn any lessons and it is just his family suffering - he needs to suffer for what he has done and earn a decent wage and show his wife he appreciates her being around.

madmoney_2

well said!!

TS_777

Hi guys!

This is my SOA, husband gets job seeker allowance (59/week), but I didn’t include this, since he needs it for repayment.

Income:
-my salary 2,380 (this what I get in my account after £200 pension contribution to employer scheme is
deducted. It also includes life insurance)
-child benefit 120.80 (for 2 children)
Total income: 2,500

Expenses:
Rent 1,400
Food 300
Council Tax 127
Electricity 25
Water 10
TV Licence 12
BT line rental 12
Calls from Talk Talk 6
Tiscali Broadband 15
Voluntary payment to kids schools (5£/each) 10
Afterschool club for child #2 50
School dinners for child #2 35
Ballet classes for child #1 120
Yoga+body conditioning classes for me 35
Bikes maintenance (we cycle everywhere, including to work) 20
Oyster card (PrePay for occasional use) 20
Total expenses: 2,197

Spare money: 223 (for clothes, school trips, school uniform..)

It will probably be cheaper if we get line+calls +broadband from Tiscali, but we can’t switch right now as BT will penalise us for terminating the contract earlier. Have to wait a little bit.

Child #1 is 14 years old, and could do like 4-hours work on Sunday or Saturday. She would love it. I also think it gives healthy attitude toward money spending and boosts self confidence. Anyone has any suggestions where to find such a job, any experience?

We have timeshare on Tenerife that we bought for 5K. Probably we have to sell it as it eats 250/year on maintenance, that I did not include in SOA. But it might not be easy to sell. And we have 4 years contract with RCI, that we paid already for, it will be wasted.

I don’t want to divorce my husband. He is a good man, we went through “for richer and poorer” together, all these years we were happy. I think about it because I was angry with him (it is better now, but I still get these bouts of anger from time to time when I think about it). So I try to stay on the logical side and treat the situation as a mathematical problem to find the optimal way out. Money is not the most important thing for me and I will give him my last 30K if it is the optimal way. Now it looks like the best way is to get a mortgage and cut this awful rent. Although it is so scary to get into this now, and on my own.

What worries is that my husband is in denial. Husband is still in “slightly deluded phase”and thinks that miraculously things will sort themselves out in a month. He doesn’t want to go to CAB, because he thinks they will alert creditors before it is necessary. He is looking for a job, but the process is very slow, none of them replied so far. August is a worst month as everyone is away. I think I should give husband some time, maybe 1 or 2 weeks to deal with the problem himself as a man. At the end of the day it is his debt, his life. Did anyone have any similar experience with spreadbetting?

Paulxo mocked me for “telling mum”. But it is a really wicked and vicious threat. If I tell his mum she might have a heart attack. Parents never stop treating their children as children. I am sure it will make her suffer a lot! No, I am not that cruel, none of our relatives will know, including my parents and sister. I’ll keep it shut from everyone, it’s only you my friends I can talk to…

plumduff-2

He has no assets and is on JSA.. for the price of what... £485 maximum outlay he can clear the debt via bankruptcy... If it doenst give him peace of mind, it will probably give you peace of mind...

Re the house situation... OP needs to buy on her own.. If they buy jointly and he doesnt go BR, then the creditors could ultimately apply for charging orders... It also gives her and the kids security..

Certainly does sound like gambling of some discription.. OP needs to get hubby to accept this.. He is likely to do this again, in the hope of recouping his losses of he doesnt get help with this now..

On a general point.. this internet gambling is very worrying.. I am seeing more and more of it on sites like this and DHUK.. Lots of people getting into lots and lots of debt.. Wonder if the Govt is aware and if they are considering doing something about it.. Will certainly have massive repercussions on the economy as it can only force more people into personal incolvency...

Paulxo

pania wrote: »

ok paulxo, I appreciate that everyone has there own opinon and that everyone has a right to voice it, however this board is for support, not for angry faces and honestlys. This woman is quite rightly angry at the situation and no doubt a whole number of situations are going through her head right now. As far as the OP is concerned she is working through the stages of grief and will eventually come to her own conclusion on the best way forward. i'd imagine hubby ain't feeling too hot either right now.
However we are all offering differing choices on the way forward, all of which i must add have been constructive and reasoned.

yes now may be the time to go househunting. The rent they are paying is extortionate i don't recall anyone mentioning a 200k mortgage (more a 2 bed terrace house, very modest that)and this would give the OP the security that she craves, a base in which to decide if she wishes to honour her marriage vows and free up some money per month to allow them both TOGETHER to repay the debt that has been incurred.

"Typical MSE advice" is rather harsh, AS stated we are all trying to give the benefit of our experience and knowledge. none of us qualified, none of us experts, just trying to help in a world where it could feel very lonely.

Honestly!!!



(I notice that you have plenty of thanks although i don't know what board you usually post on, your advice is obviously usually good and supportive.
Just please don't be too quick to be so harsh to someone who is in turmoil, shock and not knowing the way forward)

Good points well made. Thank you.

Thanks for the comments re my advice. I suppose I just felt that he made a mistake, and was shocked that his wife was considering divorce to salvage her credit history.

I have PM'd the OP to apologise.

The suggestions regarding a mortgage. Well, I'm not so certain where the insecurity lies here. Ok, they have 68k to pay off somehow. They're probably going to go bankrupt...so realistically, they've not got to pay all that off. Getting a mortgage now seems to me a massive commitment to take on just now. Even if he doesn't go bankrupt, does saving £200 a month come anywhere close to 68k?

This thread is also being discussed on another thread on MSE and the main comment is 'that's why we don't gamble'. I just feel the wife should support him...God I would need it after f*@*@*g up that badly....

All I can say is Good luck to her. Perhaps it has happened for a reason?

Anyway, thanks Pania for your comments, and I apologise for not offering more support to the OP. However, I also believe it is the husband who needs the support too!

Plumduff- only gambling I know they talk of on this site is investment in shares etc... is there any others you are referring to?

January20

Paulxo wrote: »

What's more important to you? Money?

Do you remember...'for richer or poorer?'.

Where do you live? Coo-coo land?

We are talking about 68K worth of debts! An ENORMOUS amount of debt and I'm sure nobody says their wedding vows thinking their future spouse will get into this kind of mess!

The OP has to put herself and her children first even if her husband didn't spend recklessly.