How open are you about your debts?

lady_u

Hi,

that's a good question, I am open with my partner, he knows my level of debt, it is not massive, I'd say in the region of £4,5k but I see no reason to discuss your personal stuff with everyone around, that sometimes includes parents besides on many occasions or through circumstances people make silly and expensive choices, some learn from it and choose to change the situation by repaying the debt, however when you do discuss you debt with others, others do not see you learning a lesson, I'd say it's often the case of judgement or idiotic surprise on 'how could you be so stupid/worng?' etc. That is why it's always better to deal and keep things in your family/with your partner who can see the issue and understand what others can't. And it never hurt anyone to confess to youself yes, I was stupid and should not have done this or that. Or I have done this because of such and such..and now it is time I pay it off. Honest conversation woth yourself worth thousands conversations with everyone else.

zenshi

My grown up kids, and best mates know EVERYTHING! Few other mates know but not the extent
I wasn't going to keep things from my kids, I needed their support and we've always been open with each other about most things. my son saw this forum on my iPad with my posts before I could say anything, he just said well done for dealing with them and gave me big hug
It would have been so much harder emotionally if I couldn't talk to them about it. Plus seen the effects first hand and it's extremely unlikely they will be in this position ever!

In fact, one time a debt collection agent came to the door. My son guessed and stood next to me arms folded and looking threatening. He's a Royal Marine ��

andyfromotley

I salute all those who havent told someone when they have a parent etc who would bail them out. i have never been in that position but i admire the determination to solve it yourself.

FinallyGettingFree

I used to be SO embarrassed of my debts, especially when I had racked up payday loans etc - especially because there was no real reason apart from I was rubbish with money. I kept it totally to myself and it was so stressful. The more I've taken control the more proud I am - and the more people I speak to about it the more I realise that so many people that I thought were great with money were in debt!

Now that I have become a thrifty budgeter with an emergency fund (something that never even occurred to me that I should/could have when I was veering wildly from PDL to PDL to unauthorised overdraft to credit card float) and less than a grand left in debt, I really want to tell other people that it can be done - but it's difficult to open up conversations with people about debt, even if you know they are in the position you were a few years ago.

I like to think that being open about it allows people to talk to me about it if they want to.

Karen777

my OH knows and is really supportive - and a couple of friends know - I have become more open about it as it's getting paid off which is daft as the time I should have been talking about it and asking for support was way earlier. But for years and years I never told anyone even as the walls were closing in around me so to speak. I never want to feel that alone again...

SailorSam

I haven't got any debts to be open about.

Sleepysophie

Only my OH and our creditors know about our debts. My Mam knows we have debts but would go crazy with me if she knew how much. We don't really have that much to show for it either. No fancy cars or expensive kit. We rarely go on holiday. So I don't think anyone would guess that we had debt as it doesn't appear to the wider world that we are living beyond our means. A steady overspend over 20 years, that resulted in the place we found ourselves in 12 months ago, before the DMP when we owed close to £45k. We now owe nearer to £30k and have not borrowed any money for over 12 months.
I agree that others may be in a similar situation but I would never be open about our debts. For one, I am an Accountant! Who the heck would trust me to manage their money if they knew where I was with my own? Incidentally, I am really good at my job!
Debt is a taboo for some and for people like me, it will always be.

crazy_cat_lady

My debt spiralled out of control when my husband had a breakdown while I was on maternity leave from work. We went from 2 full time wages to ssp and smp. I'd always thought our debts were manageable until that happened, and I'd soon run up almost £28k in total just trying to keep the family afloat. I juggled it around for ages but then admitted defeat and went to Stepchange (or CCCS as they were). I took the debt on myself, as well as the family budget because dh wasn't well enough at the time. Once he started getting better I let him know that I was in debt management but not how much for - I didn't want to stress him out. Other people knew in my family circle but not at work or anything else.
Now he's ill again, when I have 2 payments until I become debt free. I have made it very clear to him that if the situation reaches crisis point again then I expect him to sort it out. He is an adult, and I protected him last time but think he needs to face facts this time.

enjoythesilence

My OH knows that I have debt but he doesn't pay attention to the details so although I've told him how much I have he probably can't remember how much it is! I know exactly how much he has and have recently helped him set up repayment plans for each debt. I am way more interested in money things than he is!

When I was younger and still living at home my parents (Mum mainly - isn't that usually the way!?) paid off a couple of university credit cards for me and probably clocked the letters from various banks arriving every day but they never said anything to me about it (aside from the occasional "you really should think about saving you know").

I had to come clean this year though as they offered me a house deposit so that we could start looking to buy. I couldn't take the money and go through the rigmarole of applying for a mortgage knowing that there was no way in hell I'd be successful (terrible credit rating with AP markers everywhere!) so I had to explain myself.

Mum took it surprisingly well tbh. I suspect she's always known that I was in debt but was probably expecting the amount to be a lot higher than it is! :cool:

Popstess

No one! Up until I had my LBM no one at all but I did speak to a relative recently however I didn't tell them the whole story. I don't feel like I'll ever be able to tell anyone properly as I'm so ashamed