Found a letter my Husband wrote

Anatidaephobia

I would simply hand it to him and say "I found this. Can we talk about it?" and give him a chance to explain in a safe, neutral environment. I agree with the other posters, it sounds like the likelihood is that it was written during a moment of weakness or difficulty and was maybe just his way of venting at the time. He might have even written it after a silly argument.

Hard_Up_Hester

I have a colleague who does exactly what your husband's letter says.
He stays at work to avoid going home, sits at the bus stop & misses 2 or 3 buses before he gets on one.
He dreads going home, but I know that when he walks through his front door he will do so with a smile & a kiss for his wife.
They have some problems as she spends money they haven't got & if he remonstrates with her she screams & shouts & throws herself on the floor sobbing.
She also want's a baby but at 44 it's not happening easily.
Every time he goes home she starts complaining the minute he gets in the door, questioning where he's been, asking for more money to spend or accusing him of having an affair.
Yet when I've met her she says he's the best thing that's ever happened to her, but that she doesn't want him to get complacent and take her for granted.
I can't understand why he stays with her if it makes him that unhappy but he does, because he loves her.

VfM4meplse

OP, I feel for you.

Did you address this with your OH yesterday?

FBaby

I hope the evening went ok and that you had the chance to discuss it.

Like other posters, I imagine this was written at a time he felt immense frustration. It might very well be that he is the type of man who doesn't express it... but sometimes it needs to come out and that's how he does it.

It might be possible to turn you finding this letter into something positive for your marriage. If it is the case that he at times feels real anger towards you, but can't express it, then it is better to discuss how to resolve that, then him resorting to writing something down, which probably only helps to an extent, whilst you're totally oblivious to how he feels and assume everything is fine.

Delia_Cardei

I suggest you talk to him directly otherwise this could be tougher when time goes by. Be brave, you can do that. :T You need truth and truth may help you. I hope everything would be OK:).

DigForVictory

Oh honeybunch!
Cards on the table, I wrote *exactly* this sort of thing every couple of months or so in a bad time. Just getting it down on paper helped.
I wasn't married to my man then & the letters weren't to him or about him but when he found one, he was gutted.

It took a while to explain that this was how I handled being very unhappy then but that it was a document from then, when I was pretty much another person and definitely in another place and at another time & that it has nothing to do with him & that I'm sorry he was so worried.

So. It's very likely this is ancient history not current events. Not 100% certain though, so do, please, talk to him.

You are entirely right to be startled & unhappy, and it's absolutely up to him to say how this document came to be in existence, but do not wait & worry over it. Sort & eat food & drink, as most things really do not improve on low blood sugar but then ask.

All the very best & please come back & let us know how you are both doing?

Ozzuk

Must have been horrible to read, I hope there is an explanation. As others I'd lean towards it being something you were never meant to read - counselors sometimes recommend this type of thing. I've done it myself though admittedly not that harshly, I have a notebook I write stuff in occasionally but I've clearly put on the front this is private thoughts and just for me.

If it is depression related, you can get crazy thoughts on a constant loop and writing them down can help.

Hope you are okay.

anotherbumpom

Thank you all. I decided to show him the letter when he got home, he knew what it was as soon as he saw it. He told me I was never meant to see it. He said he wrote it a long time ago and he had no idea why he kept it. His intention was never to hurt me.

He told me that before he met me he was with a woman for 3 years, he thought they were happy together and he asked her to move in with him, which she did, one day he got home from work and she was gone, she had been sleeping with a friend of his and decided to go off with him, not long after that he met me.

He said he was going through a time in his life where "all women are the same" as in, I would just end up hurting him like she did, he said he didn't know how to handle us getting serious and he took it out on the wrong person, that it was his issue to work through at the time and writing his feelings down helped.

I asked him if our life together had been a mistake and he said no, that at the time of writing the letter he was sure he was making a mistake in getting involved with someone else but that over time his feelings grew and he fell in love with me and realised I was not the same as his ex. Apparently she was his first serious relationship, I knew of her in passing but did not know what she did.

I feel better after talking to him, still hurt to see those words but at least I know why.

heartbreak_star

I'm so glad you managed to talk

HBS x

tara747

Just reading through this thread, my heart went out to you! What a terrible shock you must have had.

Then I read post 19 and I'm so so relieved. Well done - and I'm glad this had a happy ending.