Found a letter my Husband wrote

anotherbumpom

My Husband and I are in the process of doing our house up at the moment, so decorating, buying new furniture, getting rid of old furniture we no longer need/want etc so the house is a bit of a mess at the moment. My Husband was at work yesterday and it was my day off so I decided to make a start in the spare room.

I was moving a bedside cabinet and there was a small notepad behind it, when I picked it up a folded bit of paper fell out of it.

It was written like a letter, it was addressed to nobody and it was in my Husband's handwriting. It went on to say that he wished he had never met me, that he hated the fact his life changed when I came into his life, that I was not the one, that he never wanted to move in with me, that he hated living with me, that he would take as much overtime at work as he could to avoid coming home to me, that even sitting in his car for a while after work was better than being at home. It went on and on, I'm sure you get the picture though.

We have been together for 25 years, married for 20, and if you had asked me last week about our marriage I would have said it has been a happy one, we have never had any problems, he has always been affectionate, loving, always had an active personal life, he is naturally a happy smiley person, I never had a reason not to trust him etc, and now I am sat here wondering why he married me, why he asked me to move in with him, so many questions going around my head, I feel like the entire relationship/marriage has been a lie and that I don't know my Husband. I am upset, confused, wondering why he felt that way, why he never let me know if he was that unhappy with me.

He will be getting home from work in an hour and I have no idea what to do at the moment, I mean, what can he possibly say? He never gave any inclination at all that he didn't want to be with me, that he wasn't happy.

Should I just show him the letter and tell him that I have seen it? what will it even achieve? has he not loved me all this time? what would be the point in wasting his life with someone he clearly hates to be around? why did he waste 25 years of my life as well as his own?

I have no idea when he wrote the letter, I have no idea why he kept it, I just want the ground to swallow me, the thought of him coming home with a big smile and a hug when he gets through the door I don't even know how to feel. The words I read do not come from someone who loves you.

If you were in my situation would you ever be able to let this go?

74jax

Is there somewhere you can stay tonight? I would maybe leave the letter on his pillow and stay elsewhere tonight to gather your thoughts.

Fionabell

Wow - how awful for you - I'm wondering how old the letter is and if he wrote it during a 'bad' period with you? Does he take a lot of overtime? Does he come home late after sitting in his car?

It really could be that he was depressed when he wrote it because from what you're saying he appears happy and smiley.

Lily-Rose_3

Do you have any idea when he wrote it?

I think many people have had 'moments' when they don't feel happy in their marriage, and wish they could leave. Your OH could have been feeling very low and depressed when he wrote all that, and attacking you was his way to vent.

I am sure he doesn't feel like this now.

You do need to find out when he wrote it though.

Tigsteroonie

Is there absolutely no indication of when he might have written it? When was that room last decorated, or that piece of furniture bought/put in place, etc?

Marley reckons you should put it on the mantlepiece where it is obvious but then not say anything. When he asks, simply hand it to him and let him read it. Then see what he says.

If he wrote it more than 10 years ago, there's a chance he won't remember it (or is that just my experience of men? ) Actually, if he does remember, then it'll be instantly obvious on his face when he sees it on the mantlepiece.

barbiedoll

Ok, take a deep breath and try to calm down.

This may not be as it appears. Would he have written it for another reason, a creative writing class, as a letter written on behalf of someone else, or is it just one of those things that a lot of us have done, you know, the writing all of your frustrations down and then burning/hiding the letter?

If you do want to get away for the night, could you take a copy of the letter or scan it to your computer or even take a pic on your phone? If you leave it on the pillow, he will possibly destroy it and as you're understandably distressed at the moment, you may have a hard time remembering the contents later on if you need to. If it turns out to have an innocent explanation, you can delete it and forget about it.

Has your husband ever had depression during your years together? Could it have been written out after a bad argument, something which you may have forgotten about but which really upset him at the time? (My husband brought up something which happened over 15 years ago in a row on Tuesday night!)

I hope you can sort this out and that it turns out to be something silly that he wrote years ago.

Andypandyboy

Does it name you? Could it have been written about a previous relationship?

If not, does he do the things re taking a lot of overtime, avoiding being with you for prolonged periods etc?

You must feel devastated.

anotherbumpom

to answer a few questions, I have never known him to have depression, if he has had it/has it he is very good at hiding it from me and others, I have never really noticed him coming home later than normal, he works shifts and gets home late most nights anyway, he did sometimes work on his day off but told me he had a lot of work on during that time, I had no reason to question it.

The letter does not have a date on it anywhere, and it does name me so it was not about his previous relationship.

I can't think of anytime we have had an argument to the extent he would write what he did, we are more of a talk about stuff couple, as in, if there is ever anything wrong we sit down and talk it out, never been to bed angry with each other.

If I do not manage to get back on here tonight I appologise, I will get back on tomorrow to answer anymore questions.

whitewing

I would simply say to him that I had found this...and pass it to him.

I bet he will regret ever having written it down, because I doubt it reflects what he really thinks or he would have boogered off long ago. It was probably written in some moment of stupidity. Of course it hurts but you know your marriage is happy.I am sure he will put your mind at rest.

Lily-Rose_3

whitewing wrote: »

I would simply say to him that I had found this...and pass it to him.

I bet he will regret ever having written it down, because I doubt it reflects what he really thinks or he would have boogered off long ago. It was probably written in some moment of stupidity. Of course it hurts but you know your marriage is happy.I am sure he will put your mind at rest.

This ^^^ Pretty much my sentiments...

Lily-Rose_3

anotherbumpom wrote: »

to answer a few questions, I have never known him to have depression, if he has had it/has it he is very good at hiding it from me and others, I have never really noticed him coming home later than normal, he works shifts and gets home late most nights anyway, he did sometimes work on his day off but told me he had a lot of work on during that time, I had no reason to question it.

The letter does not have a date on it anywhere, and it does name me so it was not about his previous relationship.

I can't think of anytime we have had an argument to the extent he would write what he did, we are more of a talk about stuff couple, as in, if there is ever anything wrong we sit down and talk it out, never been to bed angry with each other.

If I do not manage to get back on here tonight I apologise, I will get back on tomorrow to answer anymore questions.

Sounds like he may have been going through some kind of depression.