Husband refuses to put my name on the deed of the house

Meyor

I need help as I really feel the marriage can not continue at this rate.


Before I met my husband I had bought my with a rtb discount of £16k. This flat is now worth around £400k but I after struggling to meet the payments alone each month without fail, I have built up a lot of equity.

Fast forward, when I met and moved in with my husband, he was living in social housing but did not have the right to buy his property then. However, things changed and after 4 years he now has the right to buy the house we live in with a substantial discount.

Since we have been married, I have unfailingly contributed half to all the bills and other expenses in the rented house, even though my name is not on the official tenancy agreement or on any of the bills. All this while maintaining the bills on my old flat by myself.

My Husband has kids from a previous relationship, which he has full custody off and in a way I have also been financially responsible for them, given them money here and there, buying the weekly shop as well as paying half of the bills previously as mentioned etc. When it is Christmas or their birthdays etc, I always go all the way out to make it special for these kids. These kids are also very close to birth mother and the half siblings they have on that side. I know I shouldn't but I do feel some kind of way when they interject their mother in everything I try to do for them. I could be wrong but it is like they use me for money, when they want someone to go to their parent meetings or when they have a birthday or Christmas coming up. I try not to mind though as I feel it is my duty as their step mother. However, their birth mother gets all of the glory when she doesn't as much send them a card for their birthdays. They will lie for her, defend her and even in some cases expect myself and my husband to pay for some of her expenses.

Anyway now back to the house. I mentioned to Hubby, that as we were moving forward to buying this house, my name should be on the deeds. As I have already received a £16k discount under the right to buy scheme, the government rules state that money would be deducted from the discount that he is about to receive.

Hubby is like well if your name goes on the deed of this house, then my name should go on the deed to your flat. I am like if it were just you and me, yes. But you have kids and I don't think those kids should benefit from anything I managed to accumulate before our marriage and that is what will happen if your name goes on my property. This is because in a round about way, if they benefit then it means that their mother does too and I don't want that.

That besides, my husband has not contributed financially to the running of my flat at all. I on the other hand have been contributing financially to the rented house we live in for 3 years and will continue to do so when the mortgage is in place. He now says ok, but I will have to give him £16k cash then as that is what will be deducted from his discount. My response is well the £16k will essentially be added to the mortgage loan which I will be legally responsible for and paying off so I adamantly disagree.

This escalates into a huge quarrel, with him saying that I am trying to create a division between him and his kids, that I am wicked and trying to destroy him. I told him, that I am just looking out for myself. I don't want to be working and accumulating wealth for another woman to benefit by way of her kids. He calls me wicked for even thinking that way. I am like I haven't done anything bad to those kids but I don't want them to inherit anything of mine that I accumulated before the marriage and I am just making sure. We ended up saying some terrible things to one another which I won't repeat here but I am thinking that this marriage is doomed. By the way I have no biological children.

What are your opinions? TBH, I don't know if I am right or wrong at this point and just paranoid for no reason.

Pixie5740

From a legal point of view, does it actually matter who is named on the deeds if you are married? Also, I'm not sure how easy it is to cut spouses and children out of wills which seems a bit daft because you should be able to leave what you want to whom you want. Although it people had any sense they'd blow the lot having a good time in their twilight years.

Fosterdog

I sort of agree with your hubby on this, either you both jointly own both properties or you own one each. I get the step children situation, I also have step kids and none of my own and get why you don't want anything to go to his ex but he is trying to provide for his children's futures and make sure they are financially protected if anything should happen to him.

I don't however agree with him calling you names although you do say you both said things you shouldn't have so was that more of a 50:50 on the name calling and accusation front?

Alikay

I could understand your view if you had your own children to protect financially, but as you don't, I'd probably be more inclined to see things as your husband does.

antrobus

A case of 'What's yours is ours and what's mine is mine'.:)

heartbreak_star

I'm on your side - he's never contributed to your flat but you have contributed to his house.

HBS x

fairy_lights

Didn't you discuss finances and how you would split things with regard to property and his children before you got married?

Guest101

Meyor wrote: »

I need help as I really feel the marriage can not continue at this rate. - Lets see what we can do


Before I met my husband I had bought my with a rtb discount of £16k. This flat is now worth around £400k but I after struggling to meet the payments alone each month without fail, I have built up a lot of equity. - Excellent. Is the flat currently being rented out?

Fast forward, when I met and moved in with my husband, he was living in social housing but did not have the right to buy his property then. However, things changed and after 4 years he now has the right to buy the house we live in with a substantial discount. - So you both live in his property, and who lives in yours?

Since we have been married, I have unfailingly contributed half to all the bills and other expenses in the rented house, even though my name is not on the official tenancy agreement or on any of the bills. - Well you are living there, so you should pay your way. You wouldn't want your husband to support you, would you? All this while maintaining the bills on my old flat by myself. - What bills? If the flat is empty, then there would be no bills (except service charge, which is really part of the equity you've built up in value)

My Husband has kids from a previous relationship, which he has full custody off and in a way I have also been financially responsible for them, given them money here and there, buying the weekly shop as well as paying half of the bills previously as mentioned etc. - Well presumably you knew this going into the relationship? When it is Christmas or their birthdays etc, I always go all the way out to make it special for these kids. These kids are also very close to birth mother and the half siblings they have on that side. I know I shouldn't but I do feel some kind of way when they interject their mother in everything I try to do for them. - She's their mum, it's not a judgement on you. It's a natural bond. Sounds like you are a good person. I could be wrong but it is like they use me for money, when they want someone to go to their parent meetings or when they have a birthday or Christmas coming up. - I doubt it. They are probably still getting used to having you around. Even after 4 years. I try not to mind though as I feel it is my duty as their step mother. However, their birth mother gets all of the glory when she doesn't as much send them a card for their birthdays. They will lie for her, defend her and even in some cases expect myself and my husband to pay for some of her expenses. - Because they love their mum and want her to be happy. It's quite natural. Don't be disheartened, they wont forget what you've done.

Anyway now back to the house. I mentioned to Hubby, that as we were moving forward to buying this house, my name should be on the deeds. As I have already received a £16k discount under the right to buy scheme, the government rules state that money would be deducted from the discount that he is about to receive. - So you are making the purchase more expensive? But are you both paying towards the purchase, both going on the mortgage?

Hubby is like well if your name goes on the deed of this house, then my name should go on the deed to your flat. I am like if it were just you and me, yes. But you have kids and I don't think those kids should benefit from anything I managed to accumulate before our marriage and that is what will happen if your name goes on my property. - Why would it? Depends how you buy? Would the mortgage even allow it? Would you be joint tenants or tenants in common? This is because in a round about way, if they benefit then it means that their mother does too and I don't want that. - Again I don't see how she would benefit at all?

That besides, my husband has not contributed financially to the running of my flat at all. I on the other hand have been contributing financially to the rented house we live in for 3 years and will continue to do so when the mortgage is in place. He now says ok, but I will have to give him £16k cash then as that is what will be deducted from his discount. My response is well the £16k will essentially be added to the mortgage loan which I will be legally responsible for and paying off so I adamantly disagree. - Think you're missing the point here, but i'll explain below.

This escalates into a huge quarrel, with him saying that I am trying to create a division between him and his kids, that I am wicked and trying to destroy him. I told him, that I am just looking out for myself. - Sounds like you aren't in it for life when you say that. I don't want to be working and accumulating wealth for another woman to benefit by way of her kids. - Explain your logic please. He calls me wicked for even thinking that way. I am like I haven't done anything bad to those kids but I don't want them to inherit anything of mine that I accumulated before the marriage and I am just making sure. - So who will inherit? We ended up saying some terrible things to one another which I won't repeat here but I am thinking that this marriage is doomed. By the way I have no biological children. - So where do you want the money to go?

What are your opinions? TBH, I don't know if I am right or wrong at this point and just paranoid for no reason.

Ok here goes.


You have a £400k property with X amount of equity in it. You are named solely on the mortgage, and you don't get any income from the flat?


Your husband is now losing part of the discount because of you're circumstances. - certainly the very least is that you pay him this. (if you want to do the mine and yours mentality)


Now onto practicalities.


You can own property in many ways. Either You each own 100% of the property (so if one dies, the other automatically owns it all)


Or you can each own 50%, in which case you can decide what to do with your share, and he with his.


Who would you leave it to?

Guest101

heartbreak_star wrote: »

I'm on your side - he's never contributed to your flat but you have contributed to his house.

HBS x

Op contributed to her home. We aren't suggesting she should live for free are we?

HappyMJ

I keep seeing different opinions on this kind of matter on here.

I thought once you become married then you effectively combine everything you own and if you were to subsequently divorce you add everything up that you own in your own name including accrued pensions then divide that by 2 and work something out.

I think from his point of view you have your house and want 50% of this one too. He is entitled to the value of half of your house in a divorce. The easiest and much cheaper way to achieve a fair outcome would simply be for you to move back into your house and he keeps the house he is living in. No solicitors would need to be involved. No forced sales. No need to remortgage. Much easier. So in my opinion if you want half this house you'll have to give him half of your house by putting his name on the deeds of your property. If you divorce you'll have to pay significant fees unwinding this.

FBaby

I think you want your cake and eat it. You are exactly in the same situation as my OH and if he had reacted as you are I would he been mighty shocked.

I think you are confusing things ie divorce and death. You are bite married so if yoy were to be divorced deeds would be irrelevant. As it stands you owe 50% of your joint wealth ad a starter. Saying that as he has children to support he could potentially gain more. That's to late to do anything about it you agreed to this when you married.

Death is dealt with wills. You can out whatever you want with yours. Your argument about the kids mum doesn't stand though as you could agree that anything going to the kids would go into a trust to be managed by whoever you wish so that the mother has no right over the property.

Maybe you could arrange to see a solicitor for advice and then discuss it again with your OH.