Social situations - is it me?

squirrelchops

Dear all

As my title suggests, I am looking for advice as I find casual social situations, at times, unfathomable but I cannot work out if it is me (and my partner) or the people we meet!

Sounds cryptic so I shall give an example or two.

We have just returned from a holiday abroad. We aren't the type of people who 'make friends' instantly and do tend to keep ourselves to ourselves a bit however we always have a few drinks at the hotel bar and will chat to people but aren't in the category where we'd go out with others for dinner or make friends on FB etc.

More than one couple we met to talk to just seemed to talk about themselves almost to the point of bragging and the conversation seemed so one sided as although we asked interested questions not once did they ask us anything. I therefore don't consider this a conversation as surely dialogue is a two way street.

For example this one couple told us how they'd stayed at this same hotel xx years on the trot - almost as if to say 'you're new here and we know the names of all the staff, saw their children growing up and we go out drinking with them and others...'. It became a badge of honour to have stayed in the same place repeated times...horses for courses I suppose but we are talking about a cheap and cheerful package hotel, the type where there are a million of across the Med.

Anyway, they then go on to talk about holidaying in the Caribbean every year. I asked which Island they liked the most then the least as I would love to visit the Caribbean in the future so am genuinely interested.This led them to tell me all about going premium on Dreamliner and how other people thought by their accents (their words) that they couldn't possible be in premium class and had people tap them on their back saying 'you do know this is premium lounge don't you'. For a start I can't believe people actually behave like this and secondly I asked about the Caribbean not to be given a bragging account of 'we stayed in xxx hotel and travelled by xxx'.

Anyway this is just minor detail but not once in probably an hour did these people ask 1 single question about my partner or I. I found out all about their family, where they lived, jobs etc yet they didnt ask us one thing. I just find this odd and rude.

It is like when we are in a bar and people are watching F1 grand prix and start going on about going to this race and that race bragging to my OH. He keeps quiet as doesn't get into competition but I wonder what their faces would be like if he told them he has worked for all the top F1 teams including in Europe???

This holiday really made me question if there is something wrong with me?. Why aren't people interested in us - do we come across as reserved or boring? This one couple we were talking to made reference to accents and how they are very regional and I wonder if people make assumptions as I have quite a well spoken accent ? Surely people aren't biased still in this day and age? Is it the type of people we meet booking the accommodation we do? Cheap and cheerful? No, I cant imagine that is it as ignorant people exist across all social class/financial situations/gender etc.

I just felt so deflated and upset - daft really but I am not used to meeting people who behave like this.

Any observations or advice gratefully received as to how to manage things differently?

Stevie_Palimo

Yes it takes all sorts to make the world go round and often some are too far up there own ***** that they simply have no interest in others.

squirrelchops

Thank you. I am genuinely interested in others. I ask questions as I want to listen to their reply whereas as others ask questions just to find a way to turn the topic back to themselves.

Indie_Kid

It's a reflection on them rather than you.

I've met people like this and it's gets boring after a while.

Pollycat

The people you describe are just selfish, self-absorbed people.

They probably latched onto you because everybody else gave them a wide berth.

To continually talk about yourself and to turn the conversation back to yourself at every opportunity is very boring for other people.

It's not you.

Person_one

Of course its not you. That couple were boors, sadly you can meet them anywhere!

Do you have a circle of friends? Do you get on with your co-workers? Are you happy with the amount of socialising you do? If so, then you're probably fine just on the quieter, more reserved end of the social spectrum. Nothing wrong with that.

London50

Welcome to the real world, I know just what you mean as I used to feel the same as you and thought there was something with me. I dislike people like that but I am afraid it is the sign of the times people you meet only ever want to talk about themselves and the better the light they can portray themselves to be the happier they are.If they think they can make themselves seem better than the people they are talking to it gives them a boost.
I will normally give people like that about 10 mins of my time before I say "well it has been nice talking to you but I need to have a word in private with my partner" I then move away. I think people {even after you have known them for a few months } still feel insecure as to what to talk about so choose to focus solely on themselves for fear of being caught by a question they do not know the answer to so by giving an impression they are "worldly" the company will just sit and listen.
How many times have you been asked by people "how are you"?, when asked your reply is normally "I'm OK, and you"? but unless it is a close friend or family normally the reply given washes over you and you carry on from there {we all do it,well I know I do}
People like that are not worth your time, like myself give them a short time and if chat is not to and fro make your excuses and move on :0)

RuthnJasper

If I get stuck with braggarts the little imp in my mind usually prompts me to pipe up with some implausible and ludicrous "fact" to share with them - e.g. "my granny knitted all the sweaters for Gordon the Gopher and Edd the Duck"; "I actually wrote the lyrics to 'Lady in Red' "; "My dad is the flavour-scientist for Pot Noodle". I have lots of interesting and honest chat that I could share; but I've mostly found that the braggarts simply do not wish to listen.

Stevie and Indie Kid are right; for the types you mention it's all about them and certainly not you, Squirrel. You come across as articulate and friendly, the sort of person I'd love to chat with in a bar or at a party. I can't stand people who are all about the big "I am" - I've tended to find that people who are like that are actually quite insecure and unfulfilled.

I used to get a bit deflated by these sorts of people too - I used to work with a lady exactly like this, she would often run down any experience or anecdote that I shared by relating a similar one of her own that would always be better than mine and then point out how inferior mine was compared to hers!

She once saw me talking to the other people in the queue at a sandwich shop one lunchtime and then, back at the office, she crowed to all and sundry that she couldn't understand why I would make friendly chat with strangers, as she would NEVER do such a thing. Then she said "Oh, well of course I know - it's because you have such an empty and pathetic life that you have to live your life through strangers and that's why you talk to them..." The manager choked on his tea and sprayed his mouthful across the wall.

Don't let them make you sad, OP, just smile at them and pity their shallowness. x

squirrelchops

Thank you all. I don't know why it bothered me so much. I wish I could say this was the only couple we met like this but it wasn't!

I suppose I see people on holiday chatting and I think 'oh that would be nice - an hour or two socialising and hearing other people's stories'.

I work in a busy people focused environment undertaking assessments hence I am always asking people about their lives and eliciting information. Therefore outside of work I like to have quite a quiet life but enjoy spending time with friends...quality time though!

I remember at a wedding being sat next to a woman and her partner. She asked if I had children and when I replied 'no' she had a look of panic in her eyes and sought out others at the table to talk to who did! I am sorry but did my lack of having a used womb make me a lower being then???

Thank you all for not making me feel more socially inept that I currently do!

Pollycat - no rather than people giving them a wide berth they had friends (that they had made on a prior holiday there) coming up from another resort to spend 2 weeks with them!

RuthnJasper - I love your imp! I said to my OH I felt like saying 'oh the Dreamliner .....I only go to the Caribbean by Virgin First Class'.......
I think I did slightly put my foot it in though as I did comment that on Tripadvisor someone had said that the questions about the Dreamliner had gone down to which someone else replied 'yes that's because all the Brits are on summer holidays an in Cancun now'! I honestly said it as an aside but maybe they took it personally! They didn't like Cancun though so probably was like water off a duck's back

My OH and I like going to France camping and we never meet people who behave like this there. Everyone mucks in whether they are in tent, little camper or a massive hotel like motor home!

jackyann

Can I suggest camping holidays instead?

Pollycat

Person_one wrote: »

Of course its not you. That couple were boors, sadly you can meet them anywhere!

I agree. And bores too.

I dread getting stuck with someone like that in a captive situation such as on a flight or train journey where it's not easy to walk away.