Ex Partner Trying To Ruin Me....

moloko_plus

Hey everyone just looking for some advice.

This is actually in regards to my partner who is in financial difficulty due to his ex partners spending habits. They recently split after 8 years together (recent = 10 month) and he is now in control of his finances after she did everything in that side of the relationship. He discovered she had been gambling his money with transactions of up to £700 a DAY coming out of his account onto various online gaming and bingo sites. This has taken his overdraft £2k in the red. He also had credit card and pay day loans in his name which he was unaware of. Recently after doing a full credit score check online (she swore there were no other debts) we have discovered anther 2 credit cards one with a bank and one with an independent lender, more pay day loans, a NEXT account which was £102 in arrears. The loans are all defaulted month after month.

We have contacted citizens advice and he has been advised by his solicitor (legal representation was needed as they have children and she is refusing access) that he could report it as fraudulent and he is only technically liable for the overdraft because of him giving her permission to use his bank account. However, it is looking like it is going to be hard to prove that he didnt just take them out himself as they are all in his name and her family are now backing her after pleading with him not to go to the police. They are also offering no financial aid and he continues to pay child support each month.

Should he not be able to fight his case and it be deemed his responsibility to pay the debts what would people recommend? I have though about consolidating into one loan and therefore just having the overdraft and the one loan to worry about. Another idea was for him to lend the money off me (overall debt with overdraft included comes to just over 5k outstanding) I would be creating a contract obviously and expect monthly payments. By lending the money from me it means he is legally contracted to pay it back but have no interest charges. Desperation suggested bankruptcy he has no fixed abode as she has kept the house and isnt buying him out of the mortgage any time soon and so belongings wise he only has his car on finance but I have read that if it is an essential item or something used for work they will not come after it.

Any suggestions are very much welcome!

duchy

If they divorce the marital assets would be split 50/50 - the house would not be ignored . Is there equity in the house ?

Are they divorced yet and the finances settled ?
Has he taken ANY steps towards getting a divorce ?
Is he paying child support ?

Do you seriously believe the wife was withdrawing £700 a day from his bank account, taking out loans and having payday loans paid into his account - and he didn't notice.....any of it ? Is it possible there is another side to this story ?

If his credit is as shot as he claims - why does he think he could get a consolidation loan ?

You appear to be offering to loan thousands to a man who is incapable of reading a bank statement at best and hasn't told you the full truth at worst.
He and his wife have been apart for 8 months so (assuming no "overlap") you've only been dating him a few months at most.

If this was your best friend wanting to loan a man they had only been with a few months thousands of pounds - would you encourage them to do it ?

Worst scenario - You could take out a massive loan yourself (as he isn't credit worthy)- pay off his debts and he could then decide he missed his kids and was going to return to his wife (or start another relationship) and leave you with the debt and there would be nothing you could do about it . I suppose with an agreement you could take him to court and be paid back at £5 a month though

Frankly bankruptcy sounds like a better option so he can then start afresh (is his biggest worry seriously his car ? ) -although as you are apparently creditworthy yourself - you should take great care not to link yourself to him financially in any way until he is discharged.

The figures sound a bit off though- If she was gambling at £700 a day - was £2K over the overdraft and there are multiple payday loans and a Next card -how come it is ONLY £5K ? Is he not working ? What is his car worth ?
He is paying no rent so if he is in a decent paying job - could he not pay the debts . Did CAB not suggest a DMP ? Has he spoken to StepChange ?

I'm sorry but something isn't adding up - Either he isn't telling you the full story or you've missed some fairly important bits out !

moloko_plus

firstly they arent married and I never stated that they were.

She was in control of the financial side and I know plenty of people my own parents included who do exactly the same thing so I dont think the right attitude to have is that he is useless or "cant read a bank statement"
He earns a decent wage because he works 70 hour weeks and yes his car is important because without it he cant get to work? It will be considerably harder to pay off debts if he is sacked because of not turning in to work.
Yes he pays child support he used to pay her more than needed before he was aware of the debts then she decided to go to the CSA and get an exact sum which turned out to be less than he was originally offering (he was willing to continue mortgage payments so his children would always have somewhere to live) She cancelled the CSA form and he continued to pay without missing a payment. This continued after the debts surfaced.

He has already paid off a credit card bill and the debts would have been close to 6k but she won 4k online and still ended up 2k in the red. This is proved on his bank accounts. She also admitted to gambling in secret. I dont understand the confusion of only 5k? Plus the 700 a day was a one off most days it was 50-150 I was simply giving evidence to how lax she has been with the finances. With taxes, child support, his car and general living it is hard for him to pay them all back and it isnt ideal him residing on his fathers sofa.

Going back is not an option he misses his children terribly and if that was what was going to make him go back to her he would have been back months ago. Yes they have been apart for less than a year but they were unhappy for a long time.

I came here looking advice.He does not assume he can get another loan I have asked if that is an option I stated that it was me asking for advice not him. And I am not naive to lending money to people hence the contract I was willing to write up.

crazy_cat_lady

Hi
Obviously we only know what background you choose to share here, but the thing that doesn't add up for me is why he's so reluctant to go to the police about her? I understand the whole 'her word against his' thing, but if she's kicked him out of the house with no say in it, refuses to let him see their children AND run up debts in his name then I personally would have no issues going to the police about it. Maybe that's just me, and as I say, I wouldn't know having never been in that situation - but nothing would stop me from getting my share of house/finances/access if me and my husband separated. I would have thought even if it's all online there would be something that could be done to prove fraud - email addresses that statements and accounts were going to?
The only thing I can suggest from my own point of view (apart from going to the police or bank or whatever) is that you don't put yourself into any worse of a financial position for him. Even if you two are together for the rest of your lives, he has to learn to make decisions that are sometimes difficult. He may not get a loan, or credit or anything but there are other options apart from borrowing from you or going bankrupt. I've been paying a DMP for almost 6 years and although it's been hard I have learned so much about financial management. As far as I see it - option 1 would be to report her fraud to the police, and if he doesn't do that then he will have to suck it up and pay off the debt as if it were his. If it can't be paid off immediately then look into a DMP - you might want to look on Stepchange for some more specific advice.
I do hope that you get it sorted, and (not that I'm suspicious or anything) - she doesn't have any means of being able to do this again does she? Just to stop it going any further - I suspect if she's a gambler she will be looking for where she can get her next cash from.

crazy_cat_lady

Sorry, having just reread your post, I think I misunderstood what you were asking. I hope he does go to the police and sort it there - but if it doesn't go his way then I stand by contacting Stepchange.

Grumpelstiltskin

So let's get this straight.


Is he now paying the correct CSA amount?


Is the mortgage in his name only or joint names?

Puddylove

Hmmm
I wouldn't be lending anything to a man I'd been dating for less than 10 months. Unless, of course, you were dating him while he was with his ex. In which case he's not trustworthy and I still wouldn't lend him money.

His problems with his ex are just that - HIS problems. I wouldn't be so keen to get involved, or even believe him.

A final point - he was foolish to let his ex control the finances, but now he's abdicating responsibility and dumping it all on you.

Find a better partner, or wait a few years before you get more involved.
P x

andyfromotley

Hi Moloko and welcome to the forum.

Its a rotten situation and not easily resolved. My advice would be to report these matters, he may be able to get them sorted that way, but otherwise he is responsible. He should contact National Debt Line or Stepchange who will go through his finances with him and see what the best way forward is. There are a number of debt solutions short of bankruptcy which may be appropriate for him. They will give sound advice. (beware there are companies who offer to do this, they charge a fortune and are just out to make money off him. Only ever deal with a charity)

DO NOT LEND HIM THE MONEY!!! There are many many posts on here from people who did exactly that and then they split and never see a penny of the money, contract or not. It would be a terrible way to sort this out. But it can be sorted out. It will take time and patience but he will get there. And how he deals with it could tell you an awful lot about him.

Candyapple

46 pages of stories from people who lent money to their nearest and dearest and it all went wrong and how even if you have a signed agreement in place for repayments, how it is about as useful as a chocolate teapot. Please read it before you make a decision:
https://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/discussion/76953

I agree with what another poster above has said, this is not your problem, it is his. He should either go to the police and report what he can as fraud or if he doesn't, then he is agreeing to pay off his ex's debts.

Does his ex work? What has she said about paying back the money?

enthusiasticsaver

I would agree with other posters above that your partner should report his ex if all these payday loans and credit cards were taken out fraudulently by your OH's ex. As his solicitor says he should not be liable for anything other than the OD if he had given permission for her to use his bank account by letting her know his pin code, online banking details etc. Proving he was unaware of all of this borrowing may be problematic though but nevertheless he should still report it.


With regards to where he goes from here, that depends on his income and expenditure. He has to be able to cover his own living costs so that will impact on any csa arrangement. How does he know his ex is using his child support to cover the mortgage and children's living expenses rather than gambling that away as well? You should not lend him money as your relationship is fairly new and contracts are not that easily enforceable should it all go wrong.

-taff

DO NOT LEND HIM MONEY - even if you have a contract, if he decides not to pay, you'll have to take him to court and that's absolutely no guarantee he' pay because if he already has debts, then he can go bankrupt,and you will never get your money back.
I understand the desire to help someone you feel close to but paying his [made by her] debts is not the way to go. He needs to sort his own finances out, so again, stepchange and the police for him.
Stay out of it.