Help and advice needed

harrys_nan

I may have missed it, but can you say how old is your mum?

Mojisola

Mashpd84 wrote: »

I feel I should of made changes like 10 yrs ago in my thirties I feel it's too late and I've wasted time and I feel very hard on myself and sad.

I've always said I wanted a like support worker or like someone a friend who come help me out and be there for me as I haven't got the confidence to do it all on my own.

And I feel I haven't got any life skills to be able to deal with life, my parents always made my decisions for me and i feel like a kid in a adults body.

Have you asked your GP whether you can be referred for CBT or counselling - or find someone yourself if you can pay for it.

Flyonthewall

Mashpd84 wrote: »

I feel I should of made changes like 10 yrs ago in my thirties I feel it's too late and I've wasted time and I feel very hard on myself and sad.

You need to learn from the past, but stop thinking so much about it and start thinking about the future. It's not too late, but you do need to start making changes and only you can do that, otherwise 10 or 20 years from now you'll be in the exact same position you are now.

I've always said I wanted a like support worker or like someone a friend who come help me out and be there for me as I haven't got the confidence to do it all on my own. And I feel I haven't got any life skills to be able to deal with life, my parents always made my decisions for me

Then sort that out. Start researching companies who offer that and contact them.

I'm sure you've got plenty of life skills. Well now you need to start making the decisions. Coming on here and asking is a positive start, now you need to follow through with some of the advice and make some decisions.

and i feel like a kid in a adults body.

Many adults feel that way.

Mashpd84

One thing I've I've noticed over many years with people who care for family members it's so annoying cause the charities there is help for carers under school age who care for parents and older other half of say a married couple where one partner cares for the other but there is no help and no ones ever regonises carers aged from 20yrs - 50 yrs old they never get talked about in the media tv news, I'm sure they must exist out there I know I do cause when you want family marriage getting to find out what you want and about yourself etc it is very hard and tough on your own and you have no life of your own.

Mashpd84

I always think about my mum and my other halves feelings and don't want to hurt them in my decisions that's why I find it very hard to make decisions if it's going to effect them. That's why I probably don't make any decisions for fear of hurting or up setting them.

Mashpd84

My mum is 80yrs

Mojisola

Mashpd84 wrote: »

I always think about my mum and my other halves feelings and don't want to hurt them in my decisions that's why I find it very hard to make decisions if it's going to effect them. That's why I probably don't make any decisions for fear of hurting or up setting them.

Don't you think they should equally care that, by putting them first all the time, you are hurting yourself?

If you were your Mum, wouldn't you be upset if you realised that your daughter was really sad because she was putting your care above her own happiness?

Mashpd84

Wish I could just wave a magic wand at the moment and make everything happy and ok for everyone involved
When I moved with mum the idea was to get mum moved in and settled and me to sort myself out and that never happened and that was 10 yrs ago.
I know I want to change so many things in my life and mums and I just don't know where to start and in the past I've found it's so very difficult to try and sort my mums life out and my own at the same time that it's been too much to deal with and very over whelming. I used to say its tough to deal with my own thoughts and feeling let alone yours.

Flyonthewall

Mashpd84 wrote: »

I always think about my mum and my other halves feelings and don't want to hurt them in my decisions that's why I find it very hard to make decisions if it's going to effect them. That's why I probably don't make any decisions for fear of hurting or up setting them.

These decisions can make life better for them as well as you though and surely they both want you to be happy.

Your mum feels lonely. You have options to do something about that. She'll feel happier, you'll be happier.

That in turn gives you more spare time and less worry so you can spend it with your partner, making your partner happier.

Mashpd84 wrote: »

I know I want to change so many things in my life and mums and I just don't know where to start and in the past I've found it's so very difficult to try and sort my mums life out and my own at the same time that it's been too much to deal with and very over whelming. I used to say its tough to deal with my own thoughts and feeling let alone yours.

Start with one thing at a time, don't try sorting it all at once. The reason you're doing what you are is because of your mum and wanting to care for her and her to not be lonely.

So start by looking how you can change that (i.e. career and/or local groups). Once that changes you can decide whether to move out and rent or buy or live with your partner. Once you've decided on that (and your partner can help there) you can begin to sort out other things like having a family.

Mashpd84

Stilling waiting to change my life around waiting until other half as worked his notice at work then he will hopefully have more time