Divorce Advice

mjkyorkshire1

I recently split from my wife (she asked me to leave), and it looks as though we're heading for a divorce in the not too distant future.
I could really do with some guidance on the financial aspect of this, especially childcare, and splitting shared debts.
We have two young children (both under 10), and I'm perfectly happy to support them, my plan is to contribute cash and continue with my childcare voucher payments too.
I guess she'll be entitled to some tax credits too.
We have a mortgage together, and my wife is considering buying me out, although I'm not sure she'll be able to afford to.
We also have a five-figure shared credit card debt that will need dealing with somehow.
I'd like to keep everything civil and amicable, and give solicitors the least amount of money possible, so has anyone else experience of this any and advice to share?
From what I've read online divorce settlements seem to favour the mum quite heavily, and even though we'll both have the children three nights per week each (one night with grandparents) and I'll have them all day Sunday & Monday too, I really don't want to get stiffed and end up living in my mum's attic until I'm 50.

gonzo127

well every time it is different as every situation is different, what i would suggest is try to separate things and sort each out one at a time and i will put some very general things i have been finding out with my divorce

childcare - this looks like you have already sorted, but try to get a agreement in writing - although this doesn't necessarily mean anything, and the resident parent (who is usually the mother) can change the agreements, usually without any consequence and sometimes without warning, but it can help if you need to go to court if you have it in writing what was originally agreed.

supporting the children financially - https://www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance go there put in your details and it will tell you the MINIMUM you should be paying to support your children - you have no say on what this is spent on however so dont even try!

remember, her income is her income, if you no longer live in the family home, you should not be expected to pay for anything to do with that home - although if its a joint mortgage remember that you are still responsible for those payments IF she defaults, so try to build a emergency fund for that.

if she can buy you out great, although how much you will get is all dependent on so many circumstances no advice on a forum can really be helpful, however general rule of thumb, the main career for the children (usually the mother) will more than likely get a higher % of the equity.

you haven't mentioned pensions, however these are also generally classed as a joint asset and would be looked at being split so consider this

debt - this can sometimes depend on what it was used to buy, and when it was got, if it was built up during the marriage on things for both of you, it would generally be expected to be split and potentially offset against the assets, before you do the % split of those assets

spousal maintenance - unfortunately this seems to be getting more common, and less common sense applied to it, do not be surprised if it is suggested that a token level of spousal maintenance is paid, as if you are paying even a pound a year, should your situation change and you get a much better paid job, she can go back to court and apply to have her maintenance increased!!! you might also find that a lot of these payments are FOR LIFE unless she triggers a agreed point, such as remarrying etc, i know this seems crazy you can be married for a few years, and then be expected to pay money to your ex wife for the rest of your or her life!!!

i would also suggest going to speak to a solicitor as a lot do either a free 30 min consultation (you would need to have got as many details down such as income etc before hand to make use of this) or a fixed cost (usually under £150) which can give up to 2 hours with them so you can get into more depth about the situation

mjkyorkshire1

Thank you Gonzo127.
With regard to pensions, we both have very similar work place pensions, so my proposal would be to leave these out of any discussions.
If I interpret you correctly, you're suggesting that I set up my own bank account and separate my money from hers ASAP.
I've looked at the childcare calculator, and I couldn't actually afford to live if I paid what they're suggesting. Is that a legal minimum, or can we agree a different amount between us?
All the credit card debt was built up over the course of the marriage on mostly mutual things - holidays, car services, Christmas etc etc. There's very little on them that's individual purchases.

Mojisola

mjkyorkshire1 wrote: »

I recently split from my wife (she asked me to leave), and it looks as though we're heading for a divorce in the not too distant future.

I could really do with some guidance on the financial aspect of this, especially childcare, and splitting shared debts.
We have two young children (both under 10), and I'm perfectly happy to support them, my plan is to contribute cash and continue with my childcare voucher payments too.

Have you found http://www.wikivorce.com/divorce/ and http://www.fnf.org.uk/

Don't just hand over cash for the children - set up a standing order and name it as Child Maintenance.

Whatever it arranged, get it in writing. People can change as time passes, especially if new partners come on the scene.

gonzo127

mjkyorkshire1 wrote: »

Thank you Gonzo127.
With regard to pensions, we both have very similar work place pensions, so my proposal would be to leave these out of any discussions.
If I interpret you correctly, you're suggesting that I set up my own bank account and separate my money from hers ASAP.
I've looked at the childcare calculator, and I couldn't actually afford to live if I paid what they're suggesting. Is that a legal minimum, or can we agree a different amount between us?
All the credit card debt was built up over the course of the marriage on mostly mutual things - holidays, car services, Christmas etc etc. There's very little on them that's individual purchases.

yes, get your own bank account ASAP, and i would even suggest applying today!!!! if its all joint accounts, she can legally empty the account of all 'your' money and not give you a penny!!!! do it DO IT NOW

otherwise, pensions sounds reasonable to agree to leave them both alone if they are similar - but dont be surprised if she wants to see yours incase its higher so she can get more money out of you

the calculator is supposed to be the legal minimum yes, but yes you can agree a different amount,

with the debt, if thats the case, it would normally be expect to be split 50:50

gonzo127

also without snooping, you would be surprised at what you can live on, have a pop over to the debt free wannabe forum and the old school board for suggestions on cutting down your expenditure, be prepared to do a statement of affairs which you can summerise what you current/expected out goings will and would be and post it for comment.

yes it can be painful to change how you live, especially if you are used to a certain lifestyle, but if you can no longer afford that then things have to change

Mojisola

mjkyorkshire1 wrote: »

From what I've read online divorce settlements seem to favour the mum quite heavily, and even though we'll both have the children three nights per week each (one night with grandparents) and I'll have them all day Sunday & Monday too, I really don't want to get stiffed and end up living in my mum's attic until I'm 50.

mjkyorkshire1 wrote: »

I've looked at the childcare calculator, and I couldn't actually afford to live if I paid what they're suggesting.

As the child care is being shared between you, you could each claim Child Benefit for one child. If one of you has a larger income than the other, you could work out how much to hand over to even things out.

Have a look at one of the benefits calculators and see if either of you are entitled to claim other benefits.

The debt should be repaid by both of you.

pmlindyloo

Read this very helpful link:

https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/relationships/relationship-problems/ending-a-marriage/

When things are fairly amicable the best way to prevent having to pay solicitors fees are to use Family Mediation (there is information and a link to find your nearest one in CAB's article.) They can help you both sort out financial arrangements/childcare/child support - in fact most things.

They can help you come to arrangements and make an agreement. This agreement can be legalised by then using a solicitor just for this.

Do think about using them.

mjkyorkshire1

So potentially even though the girls' home address will be my wife's, I might be able to claim some benefits or credits of my own? I guess it's only fair if we're pretty much sharing them 50/50.
Part of my original proposal contains a line that she can keep all the child benefit, in part because I can't really afford to pay her very much and still be able to live.

HappyMJ

mjkyorkshire1 wrote: »

So potentially even though the girls' home address will be my wife's, I might be able to claim some benefits or credits of my own? I guess it's only fair if we're pretty much sharing them 50/50.
Part of my original proposal contains a line that she can keep all the child benefit, in part because I can't really afford to pay her very much and still be able to live.

You would have to claim child benefit for one of them to get the tax credits for one of them. Two separate claims might get more than 1 claim with 2 children on it so well worth looking into. You will have to agree between yourselves. It can be done but rarely do parents agree. You would have to have that one child for 50.1% of the time which shouldn't be too difficult if you're doing a 50/50 split.

Mojisola

mjkyorkshire1 wrote: »

So potentially even though the girls' home address will be my wife's, I might be able to claim some benefits or credits of my own? I guess it's only fair if we're pretty much sharing them 50/50.

No, one of the children's permanant address will have to be yours.