Here we can all be heard for a little while. Part 2

Birdie85

Georgie, I'm like you and often feel like I have nothing to offer but I still like to pop in because you're all such a lovely bunch!

Welly - much of what you're feeling is just 'normal' hormonal 'I'm about to have a baby and it's not something I can control' feelings. So... I went 14 days overdue and was booked in for an induction which I wasn't happy about but accepted as I just wanted to get the baby out after so long. My contractions began at 2am the morning I was booked into the hospital so my awkward little boy just wanted to scare me! It could happen any time and remember... you can refuse an induction if it's really something you don't want. Have you got your hospital bag packed? You will probably be there at least one night and it's something you will have to accept but make sure you've got an eye mask, ear plugs, music etc. If you're struggling with being alone with the baby ask the midwives to take them away for a little while so you can sleep. They love the cuddles! They're also good at checking on them regularly and making sure they're OK- I kept forgetting about the fact that babies poop a lot so pretty much every time they checked him they changed his nappy as I was totally oblivious to it!

I have mentioned on here previously that I struggled to bond with DS at first as it was just a shock to the system and my emotions are sometimes a little locked away so it takes me time to warm up to people, even brand new people that I cooked.. or even especially new people that I cooked because they're the cause of me feeling like I've done 10 rounds with Mike Tyson and they won't let me sleep for more than 4 hours at a time! We're best buds now, it just takes some people a little longer to form that bond than others so don't worry if that happens to you. {{Squish}}

Wellyboots6

Thank you for the lovely replies. Feeling a lot better now, thank you so much.

I do suspect a lot is hormones and normal, but noone ever talks about that sort of stuff. Its all about how you fall instantly in love with your baby, how cute they are, how rewarding it is etc. I am still convinced a book about what its 'really' like is the way to go!

Is it worth going back to the doctors Calley? Have you been taking your antibiotics, could they have caused the sickness? Sometimes they can kill off the good bacteria in your insides which would then give you a tummy upset. If you dont want to eat yet it might be worth trying one of those probiotic drinks to replace some of your good bacteria.

On a positive today, I appear to have mastered pictures, penguins and music now thanks to this thread. Can we add IT training to the list of other skills we have? DIY, crafting, gardening, music, fashion etc! Maybe we need a duvet fort skills list creating!

calleyw

Welly,

Have a squish.

I think most woman would never admit it was not love at 1st sight with there baby. As it make them a bad mum. What a load of baloney.

You never fell in love with your husband at 1st sight. it took time to grow. So no different.

You are over due and feeling a failure. Not sure why. My stepdaughter felt she missed out as she had her baby 10 weeks early.

Don't beat yourself up.

The antibiotics was only a 3 day course and I finished them on sunday.

Yours

Calley

whitewing

Haven't got much time to post now so may sound abrupt.

DS was 10 days overdue and ventouse (sp) - sucked out with a vacuum cleanery thing.

DD was induced 2 weeks early due to gestational diabetes.

DS was six weeks old before I could even think of him as anything other than someone else's precious bundle that I happened to be caretaking.

DD - DH was really worried because I wanted a boy and he thought I would reject her. I did bond with her more quickly, mainly because DH was utterly in love with both her and me. Circumstances were totally different. Midwife and health visitor were brilliant.

I didn't enjoy parenting though until I had been completely honest about how I was feeling. I had bad post natal depression with suicidal thoughts but the health visitor knew that and supported me. I was worried they would take her away (from DH; not so bothered about myself) but I was reassured that mums and dads are important and we would be supported.

Take antidepressants if you need to and don't breastfeed if that is making any symptoms worse. My symptoms were worse because I didn't understand a lot of the mental health issues (my family don't think mh issues are medical they think they are self indulgence).

I probably spent the first six months cuddling DD and crying and sitting on the sofa with DH extremely worried. And the next few years having mh assessments and therapy. Far from idyllic and not how I thought it should be but DD is happy (and was Star of The Week last week at school).

calleyw

I have never wanted children. I knew at 12/13 that I did not want them. If it happened it did but not something I wanted.

Anyway being a parent is hard enough job. And every where you turn you can be made to feel guilty. You did not breast feed, you did not love your child straight away, you did not use cloth nappies etc etc etc.

Try not to let anyone make you feel bad about having a baby and doing things your way.

I once said to my mum I didn't think I had the patience to be a mother. And my mums reply was you learn it. And the same goes for any parent. Its a massive learning curve be it your 1st or as someone I know who on on her 6th!!!! No baby is the same.

Yours

Calley

geminilady

Welly Have a big ((((hug)))) unless the rules have changed you do not have to agree to a sweep or anything else just yet.I was 10 days overdue with my first then went into labour without intervention.
I read lots of books when I was pregnant and nothing went like it saidin them,everyone is different.Remember that you do not have to agree to anything they suggest it is your body and your baby.As someone mentioned it is quite common to ask them to take the baby overnight,you could just say you are very tired (which will be true)
If you feel a little better now maybe you could talk to the samaritans now it may help to chat to someone in person.
By the way have you though how you are going to introduce little sod to the baby? I am sure he will be very protective of her maybe you could get your husband to take a little vest or something baby has worn for little sod to sniff before you arrive home.

Wellyboots6

Eeek, thank you for being so supportive everyone!
Its good to hear other peoples experiences and points of view, puts it in to perspective a bit.
Hubby is going to explain things to the midwife for me, as I just end up blubbing when I try and talk about it.

Gemini, we started preparing Little Sod a while back as he is a stubborn, cantankerous monkey and so we felt we needed to be very prepared! We have put baby gates up for areas he wont be allowed in, and he is now used to that. We also got his old crate out, and he is happy to take himself off in there when he gets stressed, or can be shut in if needed. He usually uses it as a teenagers bedroom to go and sulk in when he doesnt get his own way.
We are thinking it might be best when we bring baby home for me to go in first and give him a good fuss and a play etc and then hubby bring the baby in. It was just me and Little Sod for a couple of years before hubby moved in, and so we dont want him to get jealous etc. He is also used to hubby bringing odd things in to the house!

jobbingmusician

OMG OMG OMG! I've just put up a link to this thread in a facebook post to a friend who is being fantastically open about her mental health. And when the link shows, it has the lovely logo which is in post 9! Did MSE arrange that, or is it something clever Pyxis has done?

geminilady

WELLY
That sounds like a great plan for you to go in first then hubby follow with the baby little sod will probably think what the heck has he brought in now lol but I am sure he will soon get used to him/her
It is obvious you have put a lot of thought into making it easier for little sod and I know anyone that is such a great doggy mum will be a fantastic baby mum you have no need to worry!

Birdie85

I heard that a good trick for getting dogs used to a new baby is for someone to take something that the baby has been wearing to the dog to have a good sniff at before bringing the baby in. Also lots of new big brother treats!