Making a small claim against my ex - advice needed!

BigAunty

samanthabonnes wrote: »

When I initially emailed him to ask for the money back he accused me of extortion and said he was going to take out an ASBO against me! So, in order to move forward, I think I need to be quite certain there is a case

That's hilarious but I suppose that you found it very intimidating. It's perhaps better to see this as a kneejerk tactic to apply pressure on you ro he gets his own way.

He's not going to be able to get an ASBO on the strength of a single email about money he owes or your initiating a perfectly legal small claims court action.

I should imagine he'll kick off again when he gets details of your court action through.

Guest101

BigAunty wrote: »

I really don't think the 'affordable' condition nor the other alleged barriers is going to be a big deal. - It's a core contract term. Of course it's relevant. You know how the student loan company only take payments after you have reached a certain wage - it's similar to that. Except when you apply for a SL, you sign terms and conditions agreeing to that. The contract is the key thing here.

Defendant (if he turns up to defend the claim, some settle beforehand or don't defend it so the judgement is automatically made in favour of the claimant) says something like 'I can't afford to pay it back' . In otherwords the contract has not yet expired.

So the judge or defendent says something like 'I note in your defence reponse that you have not provided any income details, how much do you earn?' or 'Your ability to pay is irrelevant to the decision making process'. - That isnt what the judge will say. The ability to pay is a core contract term. Most people, when they borrow money say, I'll pay you back on X day - if you went to court before that date, the judge would tell you that they dont YET owe you anything.

Many small claims court actions are made against tenants with rent arrears or people on benefits with next to no disposable income - they don't get a judgement made on whether or not they have the means to pay. The process simply means that the claimant has to lump it if they can't successfully enforce payment. - Because there's a contract. Pay £XXX on YY of every month.

Anyway,if the judgement succeeds and the OP doesn't get a penny, she employs bailiffs that pop round and take his fancy car.... Assuming it's not on finance....

Have you been to court before? Or do you have much training with contracts? - I just ask, as i feel you are over simplifying this.

Guest101

BigAunty wrote: »

That's hilarious but I suppose that you found it very intimidating. It's perhaps better to see this as a kneejerk tactic to apply pressure on you ro he gets his own way.

He's not going to be able to get an ASBO on the strength of a single email about money he owes or your initiating a perfectly legal small claims court action.

I should imagine he'll kick off again when he gets details of your court action through.

An ASBO is a criminal matter. He will never be able to get one.

An injunction he could get. But it'll cost him £220.

samanthabonnes

Thanks - I've also been trying to ascertain how much it would cost to start the process - the government website says different suits cost different amounts but doesn't specify what costs what.

Unfortunately after I sent the email he responded in a conversation rather than by email so I do not have a written agreement to the figure specifically. But I do have the other evidence of agreement already mentioned. In the verbal conversation, he said it was always his intention to pay for the holiday but that splitting up had made him feel negative towards me and he was just being mean. I know that comment isn't worth the paper it's written on....... but still! When we were together it wasn't an urgent matter to repay me, because we were in a relationship that I was told was forever. Now we are not in a relationship I think it's reasonable to expect to be paid back whether a time-frame was initially agreed or not.

He's been a really nasty piece of work throughout - telling people I've stalked him and his family, have shown up in places he is, most recently he's published publicly on Facebook that I have a history of violence and mental disorder. Fortunately all of that is untrue otherwise who knows what the impact of his actions would be? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need to know it's worth doing, because it will be ugly.

I would like the money back, sure. But it's also a bit of a principle led thing. I don't think I should be shouldered with paying for his share of a holiday that he agreed to pay for that I ultimately got cheated on during! Also, trying to use scare tactics on me and being underhand to make me back off are pretty nasty and cowardly. Irrespective of the relationship breakdown, he said he would pay, it should be a simple financial transaction.

Guest101

samanthabonnes wrote: »

Thanks - I've also been trying to ascertain how much it would cost to start the process - the government website says different suits cost different amounts but doesn't specify what costs what. - https://www.moneyclaim.gov.uk/web/mcol/welcome

Unfortunately after I sent the email he responded in a conversation rather than by email so I do not have a written agreement to the figure specifically. But I do have the other evidence of agreement already mentioned. In the verbal conversation, he said it was always his intention to pay for the holiday but that splitting up had made him feel negative towards me and he was just being mean. I know that comment isn't worth the paper it's written on....... but still! When we were together it wasn't an urgent matter to repay me, because we were in a relationship that I was told was forever. Now we are not in a relationship I think it's reasonable to expect to be paid back whether a time-frame was initially agreed or not. - This just shows that you always saw it as a family expense. If you want to claim money is owed, that means a contract exists. You cannot change that contract by yourself. Im not saying this to be harsh to you. That is what your ex will say to the judge, who may agree.

He's been a really nasty piece of work throughout - telling people I've stalked him and his family, have shown up in places he is, most recently he's published publicly on Facebook that I have a history of violence and mental disorder. Fortunately all of that is untrue otherwise who knows what the impact of his actions would be? I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need to know it's worth doing, because it will be ugly. - Either use Slander / Libel legislation to sue him, or ignore him.

I would like the money back, sure. But it's also a bit of a principle led thing. I don't think I should be shouldered with paying for his share of a holiday that he agreed to pay for that I ultimately got cheated on during! - Judge wont be interested in your principles. Also, trying to use scare tactics on me and being underhand to make me back off are pretty nasty and cowardly. - He's no-one to you now. So why does it matter. He's a coward and now you know. Irrespective of the relationship breakdown, he said he would pay, it should be a simple financial transaction.

If it was a simple financial transaction, you would have it documented as such.

samanthabonnes

Yes, I do see that as such. However, I never thought this would happen........!

I appreciate that ideally I would have a signed document that he owes the money, but I do have a variety of forms of evidence where he has said he knows he owes the money. Surely that counts for quite a lot? I suspect problems like this with ex partners very rarely have contracts....... Or I might be the only naive one out there?!

Guest101

samanthabonnes wrote: »

Yes, I do see that as such. However, I never thought this would happen........! - Exactly the point i'm making. You never expected this to be anything but a family expense. You cannot create a contract afterwards. It's not how it works.


I appreciate that ideally I (Really it's him who needs to sign, not you) would have a signed document that he owes the money, but I do have a variety of forms of evidence where he has said he knows he owes the money. (but no figures to quantify it?) Surely that counts for quite a lot? (I don't know, I havent seen the evidence) I suspect problems like this with ex partners very rarely have contracts....... Or I might be the only naive one out there?!

No you're not the only one. But most people accept that the money is gone, unlikely to get it back, learn from it. (and some repeat the same mistakes)

It's not naive, it's human nature.

samanthabonnes

No, we definitely agreed that the holiday was not going to be treated as general expense and would be paid back. Yes, I was naive in not doing more to substantiate this, but I am not stating things are different now just because we split up. When we were together it was agreed that I would be paid back for the holiday.

Otherwise, I could be trying to get rent from him for the time we lived together etc. I'm not doing that because I appreciate that I did treat this as 'family expense' and so am not trying to change the terms because of sour grapes.

Guest101

samanthabonnes wrote: »

No, we definitely agreed that the holiday was not going to be treated as general expense and would be paid back. Yes, I was naive in not doing more to substantiate this, but I am not stating things are different now just because we split up. When we were together it was agreed that I would be paid back for the holiday.

Otherwise, I could be trying to get rent from him for the time we lived together etc. I'm not doing that because I appreciate that I did treat this as 'family expense' and so am not trying to change the terms because of sour grapes.

My opinion is just that and im not presiding over your case, but i have my doubts if you'll be successful.

What was flights and accomodation costs? (not any expenses whilst you were there)

I think the only thing you could argue was agreed prior were the fixed costs.

samanthabonnes

I really appreciate the input. I don't want to put myself through having contact with this man if it's unlikely to be successful.... He's done a lot of damage.

I'm actually only trying to get the cost of the holiday and ski pass/equipment hire back with half of the bar bill. The excursion we went on, a skiing lesson and other costs I've already said I'll suck up as goodwill. I've also said I'll deduct my half of anything he spent from the total to be completely reasonable.

But if only the fixed costs can be considered then it's the flights, accommodation, ski pass and equipment hire.