Grandparents having favourites

LannieDuck

Definitely say something. That's a horrible way to treat a child. If it happened to my kids, I would have to instigate a rule that all children got the same thing (either at the time or at the life stage), or none did.

And if MIL had told DS2 off in front of me for something he didn't deserve, you can bet I would have said something then and there. Why didn't you want to create a scene in the house? Just nice and calmly point out that there was no need for such harsh language - just tell DS2 nicely to wait for dinner. Be the advocate for your kids

duchy

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

Would you challenge them over this? Not sure what I could say. I know MIL would just say that she has a note of everything she's ever given them and it all works out. Or she'll say its her rules and not up to us.

Sounds simple to me.
The grandparents are put on notice that either they treat all the grandchildren exactly the same or you will not permit them to give gifts to any of your children. It isn't her rules -it's your rules - you are the parents !

Mojisola

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

This is not the first instance by any means.

It's a shame you've let this go for so long.

I would have had to deal with such obvious discrimination years ago.

System

My Mom loved my kids from my first marriage. Quite simply, she liked my ex.

My 3 from my second marriage, she was never that keen on which i think stemmed from the fact she didnt like my husband.

I dont think the kids realized though until she got old and crabby. 3 of the kids she was fond of got a bar of chocolate for christmas one year with a fiver wrapped round it. The other kids didnt get anything.

Several years later one Christmas my daughter took my eldest son to see his Nan Christmas Eve. Nan gave him an envelope and he was shocked to find £200 in it. Yes he counted it.

My daughter who took my son to see his Nan (and my other children) got nothing. Not even a card. Even my son was embarrassed.

amistupid

duchy wrote: »

Sounds simple to me.
The grandparents are put on notice that either they treat all the grandchildren exactly the same or you will not permit them to give gifts to any of your children. It isn't her rules -it's your rules - you are the parents !

That seems nonsense to me, it's like saying to parents you should always treat your children equally. I've brought up four children, If one of them did something exceptional they would be rewarded, not the other three; likewise if one misbehaved they'd be denied certain treats, that the others still got.

DevilsAdvocate1 wrote: »

I think she doesn't like DS2 because he looks like me and I've always felt that she doesn't like me. She does little things which put me down but sound petty when I explain them. For example, she will visit us and proudly announce that she has a present for all of the family. What this means is that he has a present for her own husband (who she arrived with), my husband and my children. I'm never included. A subtle way of saying I'm not a part of the family.

The things you've mentioned do seem a bit petty to me and blaming what you perceive as their discriminatory behaviour against your son because he looks like you seems totally illogical. It's like you're trying to extend 'their dislike' of you to him

Do they treat them equally at birthdays and Xmas?

Ms_Chocaholic

amistupid wrote: »

That seems nonsense to me, it's like saying to parents you should always treat your children equally. I've brought up four children, If one of them did something exceptional they would be rewarded, not the other three; likewise if one misbehaved they'd be denied certain treats, that the others still got.

But one of the gifts the older child received was for going to secondary school. When the second child went to secondary school he got nothing.

Person_one

amistupid wrote: »

That seems nonsense to me, it's like saying to parents you should always treat your children equally. I've brought up four children, If one of them did something exceptional they would be rewarded, not the other three; likewise if one misbehaved they'd be denied certain treats, that the others still got.

But if you apply the same standards and benchmarks, you are treating them equally.

In this case, you've got two children achieving the same thing (starting secondary school, good report) and only one getting rewarded/recognised for it.

amistupid

Person_one wrote: »

But if you apply the same standards and benchmarks, you are treating them equally.

In this case, you've got two children achieving the same thing (starting secondary school, good report) and only one getting rewarded/recognised for it.

Perhaps the first child did exceptionally well academically?

I just find that the replies on here have been very harsh to the grandparents on very little 'evidence' Saying that may like him less because he looks like her and they don't like her seems very tenuous but may cause her to be extra sensitive to how they behave towards him rather than the other two?

harrys_nan

amistupid,
Very little things can make someone, not like someone else.
My mil was a "boy" person, she had a change of life baby so when I married her son and got pregnant, her baby was only 2 years old. She couldn't even be happy that her son was going to be a dad and when I had the cheek to give birth to a daughter, it really upset her. She didn't come and visit my daughter at all in hospital and the 1st gift she bought my daughter was for her 1st birthday. I then went on to have a son and mil was waiting for the hospital to open the doors to visitors, she came laden with gifts for him. when my daughter was about 3 she asked me why her nanny didn't like her very much. That was the last straw for me I'm afraid..

cyantist

I don't have kids so it's probably easy for me to say this, but if my parents treated one differently to the other they wouldn't be seeing either of them until they learned to be more fair