Daily drag of chores and routine

restless6

I work full time and am a single parent to 3 boys.

I do all my housework, diy, gardening, decorating etc etc in the wekday evenings, so that we can spend weekends doing fun stuff.

I also pay a babysitter so I can go out socially. Something you could consider?

If I were lucky enough to have a live in partner then I would alternate nights out with friends if I couldn't advertise for a babysitter. Then yu get to go out with your mates and so does he.

You seem to put an emphasis on the kids as the reasons you can't do stuff, but to be honest ,they aren't as there are plenty of solutions, you just have to make a few changes.

Make the most of your weekends, dont waste them shopping etc. Have daytrips, walks, swim etc.
Swap playdates with your friends and then you can also get some time out. Put the kids with a childminder for an hour after work so you can exercise or something?

thriftylass

Thank you all so much for your advice and tips. I will take a lot of them onboard.

I am definitely guilty of making excuses like I can't do x,y, and z because of the kids or DH. When DH is on a business trip I get so much more done as I just get on with things. Why can't I do that when he's there. Sth to change.

I occasionally do online shopping but find Tesco too expensive especially as we go through so much fruit and veg. But I do use he online thing now and then to stock up on tins etc.

Made a few small baby steps in the right direction last night. After work while the kids were eating their dinner I gave DH half an hour's grace on his phone behind a cuppa. But then asked him politely to put it down and play with the kids so I can sort the washing. After he came home from football practice with his brother he asked if he can help (bless, he is even still asking after all those years) and this time I set yes and asked him to set the table and bring food etc through. It's a start.

As someone pointed out men seem to need instruction. They ask "can I help?" but would hardly every say "let me do that" or just see and do things.

LannieDuck

I'm in the same position as you. Me and OH both work nearly-FT (4 days a week) with a 18 mo and a nearly-4yo. It's just an endless round of cooking, cleaning, tidying-up, dealing with the kids. There's very little time for anything else.

OH and I are both utterly exhausted. You have my sympathies!

Lunar_Eclipse

You've had some good suggestions. A few things jumped out at me:

1) I've experienced a 5am daily waker in the form of DD1. She never slept more than 10 hours (7-5am) until she reached junior school when she started sleeping 11 hours at least. She didn't nap in the day either; 5am is very early, but 10 hours is within a normal night's sleep, so an obvious option is to put her to bed later, if you would prefer something like 8-6am.

2) One thing I would immediately change is your weekend grocery shopping habit. I would do it online, during your early morning period. There might even be an early delivery slot for another week day during which you could put it away.

3) And I would prep dinner in the morning too. Even chopping veg to make soup would be helpful.

Kaye1

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

You've had some good suggestions. A few things jumped out at me:


2) One thing I would immediately change is your weekend grocery shopping habit. I would do it online, during your early morning period. There might even be an early delivery slot for another week day during which you could put it away.

Exactly what I thought! Ocado deliver from 6-7am so it is done and dusted for the day. I haven't set foot in a supermarket for a shop (sometimes pop in for children's clothes) in a very long time.


I also put a meal in the slow cooker so the evening meal is sorted out.

onlyroz

Firstly, I can guarantee that the early waking won't be forever - and it will probably help if you can shift the evening bedtime later and reduce the daytime naps.

Also, if you do have "spare" time in the morning then try to use this time to get some of the routine chores out of the way, e.g. laundry, cooking preparation etc.

And I do think it would help if you could all eat together in the evening. You say that you eat spicy food - well there are ways of producing a milder version of the meal which you can pep up at the end - for example only add the chillis to your own dish, and get some hot sauce that you can add at the table. This will not only mean you spend less time cooking, but will also help to ensure your kids don't become faddy eaters who will only go for bland foods, and will give you precious family time. In many households dinner time is the only time when everybody is together, and as the kids get older it's a good time to find out what everybody has been up to.

You could also try batch cooking, e.g. if you make a lasagne/curry/chilli/cottage pie or whatever then make a double or triple portion and freeze most of it for later.

As for getting your partner to do housework, men do tend to need specific instructions. Perhaps he could be put "in charge" of the hoovering, or cleaning the bathroom, or whatever.

FBaby

Many gyms, even local one, offer childcare whilst you do a class, would that be of interest to you?

During the week-end, when your youngest is having her nap, could you use this time to put your 4yo in front of a film and enjoy that time for yourself (even if still supervising)?

OH and I had an arrangement by which I got up early Saturday morning and looked after the kids whilst he did that on Sunday until lunchtime.

Do make time for you and OH, even if you feel that you need me-time more urgently. You will really see the benefits of it in terms of your relationship. Ask your kids nursery is one of the staff does babysitting. Most will be happy to look after a child they know well for extra cash.

thriftylass

FBaby wrote: »

Ask your kids nursery is one of the staff does babysitting. Most will be happy to look after a child they know well for extra cash.

Totally forgot about that option, great idea. Especially for DH who is very wary about "strangers" looking after our kids and how to go about getting to know them.

Gym and exercise is fine as I manage that during lunch as I work right next to the Uni pool/gym.

thriftylass

FBaby wrote: »

OH and I had an arrangement by which I got up early Saturday morning and looked after the kids whilst he did that on Sunday until lunchtime.

DH is meant to get the kids on Sat mornings. I'm usually up and showered by half 8 anyway as I can't sleep longer, so when I go down ready to do stuff as a family, he goes to bed again :mad: as he admits he is rubbish at early mornings. (That's usually the time I do the weekly shop). But I think I should make him more aware of the fact that this totally defeats the purpose of my "lie-in" or just force myself to stay in bed and read or sth. We'll be on holiday all of next week, we'll see how the split works then.....

Pixie5740

thriftylass wrote: »

DH is meant to get the kids on Sat mornings. I'm usually up and showered by half 8 anyway as I can't sleep longer, so when I go down ready to do stuff as a family, he goes to bed again :mad: as he admits he is rubbish at early mornings. (That's usually the time I do the weekly shop).

Hard cheese for him then. The children are up early so he is just going to have to drag his lazy backside out of bed and look after his children. It's not fair to default this to you all the time. Even if this means he has to go to bed earlier on the Friday night.