Single mum to an only child

pollyanna24

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

5 - it would never cross my mind to force them to do any after school activity. I ask every couple of months if they would like to try something and they don't want to.

The one time I attempted to do a group activity I was told not to bother coming again as my LO wasn't joining in.

Well, that's a bit harsh. Just because she didn't like doing it the first time, doesn't mean she wouldn't have given it a go the next time.

pollyanna24

jjj1980 wrote: »

Hi OP,

I am an only child child and grew up with a single parent after my parents divorce. I am also a single parent to a 5.5 year old daughter following my divorce 4 years ago.

I occasionally felt I missed out by not having siblings to play with but none oft friends were as close to their mum as I was/still am with mine.

My daughter and I are extremely close, she calls us "a brilliant team". We do all manner of things together. Never had tons of money but we make the most of everything. Including holidays, in UK and abroad. We are actually on holiday now, just the two of us!! We normally in the UK go to places like Butlins so there are endless choices of things to do and get involved with. Helps them make friends and then other plans crop up from that meeting.

We also do a lot of the free Trails that are run in bigger cities. Where you follow a map of clues to find types of statues etc. There is a Cat one in York and an Owl one in Leeds.

I like the sound of this. Where can I get more information please?

bugslet

I'm an only, never wanted siblings. Grew up very independent and happy in company or without.

My mum shovelled me off to play school before I went to primary school. Apparently they suggested it wasn't the place for me - neither my Mum nor I were upset about it - well I was downright happy about it!

Serendipitious

I was single mum through divorce, and my DD was an only child. However once full time school began, I found I either had a houseful or no child at all. She quickly found herself in a core group of about 4 or 5 little girls and they all used to go to each others homes after school when not involved in activity schedules such as swimming/gymnastics etc. Thinking back, it worked out really well. Everyone always had company after school, and the mums were a friendly bunch too. It all just evolved on its own, and lasted way into secondary school and beyond, they are still friends today, even though they now live in different areas.

duchy

I think the grass may just seem greener.
Most Mums of preschoolers tend not to have dazzling social lives and the TV and biscuit tin is just shared 2 ways as by bedtime both parents are flaked out. They tend to socialize mainly with Mums with kids the same age too.

I found it wasn't til my son was at infants school that I got to pick and choose my friends amongst the Mums rather than it been based on them having age appropriate children or something equally child related. The friend I met in that playground is still one of my best friends twenty years later.

Give it time but also think about appropriate parent and child activities you can do together where you may meet other two-somes. I found craft and activity days run by our local college were good for this as were things like swimming lessons. If you look like you are having fun people want to talk to you - and some of them will be people you have more in common with than just happening to have a child the same age

going_nowhere_fast

GlasweJen wrote: »

Are you female? Rainbows/brownies/guides are looking for volunteers pretty much everywhere, you don't need to run a pack on your own it's spare hands we need.

If you start at rainbows with your little girl you could arrange to go every week at first to help out with the activities and gradually leave your daughter on her own with the girls she's made friends with while you're in the background or not going in that week.

By the time she's 7 she will have a solid group of friends and should hopefully transition up to brownies without needing you there and you can decide if you want to keep volunteering or if you need your time back for something else.

This would apply to pretty much any group you send your kids to. Scouts need helpers, dance clubs need mums to keep the register and collect the fees, gymnastics clubs are the same.

You'll soon have a busy house but with kids you have over for tea rather than your own which is really quite nice as you can hand them back when it's all getting too noisy.

That picture makes me feel really happy. I'm trying to talk my LO in to beevers/cubs at the minute.

going_nowhere_fast

Jagraf wrote: »

Full bursting house of what? Happy children who are all related? You are looking at life through rose coloured specs my lovely!

I know, I'm just missing companionship. Lots of single parents get that through phone calls and visits from their mum but mine passed away. I feel the loss more since I became a parent. It sometimes feels like I have no one to share LO achievements/firsts with.

going_nowhere_fast

Serendipitious wrote: »

I was single mum through divorce, and my DD was an only child. However once full time school began, I found I either had a houseful or no child at all. She quickly found herself in a core group of about 4 or 5 little girls and they all used to go to each others homes after school when not involved in activity schedules such as swimming/gymnastics etc. Thinking back, it worked out really well. Everyone always had company after school, and the mums were a friendly bunch too. It all just evolved on its own, and lasted way into secondary school and beyond, they are still friends today, even though they now live in different areas.

That sounds lovely but its not likely to happen like that for me.

I live on a main road so nowhere to play out and in a not very nice area. At the school gates parents conversations always have a f word in them even in front of the children, in the evening i have seen children as young as 2 playing out unsupervised (yes they do play on the busy road), there is a lot of the benefit culture here and it saddens me to admit ive even seen drug dealing. There are some nice people but i only have chats with them at school, they dont seem interested in playdates. I would like to point out that i am working towards moving us somewhere better but its taking a long time and i am so so tired of never having enough money. I know the secret is to earn more but i never went to college or university and have no idea what job i could realistically work towards that would pay more.

going_nowhere_fast

duchy wrote: »

I think the grass may just seem greener.
Most Mums of preschoolers tend not to have dazzling social lives and the TV and biscuit tin is just shared 2 ways as by bedtime both parents are flaked out. They tend to socialize mainly with Mums with kids the same age too.

I found it wasn't til my son was at infants school that I got to pick and choose my friends amongst the Mums rather than it been based on them having age appropriate children or something equally child related. The friend I met in that playground is still one of my best friends twenty years later.

Give it time but also think about appropriate parent and child activities you can do together where you may meet other two-somes. I found craft and activity days run by our local college were good for this as were things like swimming lessons. If you look like you are having fun people want to talk to you - and some of them will be people you have more in common with than just happening to have a child the same age

Im trying to smile and be more approachable. If i could get my LO interested in an activity i was going to offer to help out but havent found an activity LO wants to do regularly yet.

Petra_70

I do feel sorry for you OP, and I must admit I don't miss the school run days with the catty and b1tchy mums at the gate in their cliques. As has been said, you do tend to end up with friends in this kind of environment and there is a lot of competitiveness and cattiness between everyone too, with whose child is the cleverest and smartest and so on.

I can choose my friends better now and have a number of friends from different sources, and a great social life.

Things will get better for you. You do sound low and a bit depressed though. Have you seen someone about this? Or talked to someone? (Like your doctor...)