Single mum to an only child

pickledonionspaceraider

Having more children and a husband may not make you like the Waltons

Sometimes siblings do not get on, at all

Counting_Pennies_2

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

Thanks for all your replies. I am missing a life for 'myself' that isn't child oriented but have no one who will babysit so if I am not at work I am with my LO. At the moment any socialising I do involves something I can include my LO in. We have never had a day apart and I haven't had one night out since I became a mum many years ago.

I know people who as only children have a huge amount of guilt put on them by lonely parents thinking their child should put their lives on hold to fill their days/life. I will NEVER do that which is one of the reasons I would like to grow my circle of friends and build a social life but i don't know how to do this when I never have free time without my LO?

Find out who your LO is friends with and start encouraging plays after school and encourage a reciprocal. Perhaps suggest you are happy to babysit for them (bringing your LO with you to sleep on a mattress in friend's room) and do reciprocals.


Over time you can start arranging sleep overs or evening play dates and maybe make them a regular feature so you can get time for yourself.


Failing that speak to a nursery nurse from your little ones old preschool to see if they offer babysitting. Get out there and start getting time for you.

jackyann

I certainly wouldn't push anything with your LO. But I would think about what you want to do, and how to go about it.
I would just look for opportunities - just keep your eyes open for local events, stuff at school or library, for something you will like and LO can join in, or watch, as they like.
I wouldn't worry either about your LO watching & not joining in. as long as you let them know it's OK to join in when they want to, and that you are happy to go along with what they want, then the time will come around.
I would at least try to go along to local community events every so often, just quietly, without pushing LO to do anything they're not comfortable with.
I also wonder if you have family / friends nearby and if they can be helpful.

balletshoes

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

Thanks for your replies. They are encouring. My LO plays board games on their own sometimes too!

I suppose I need to get past the desire for more children.

I go away on my own with my LO. I know there are millions of single parents out there but in all my years of being a mum I have only ever met one person who goes away on their own with their child/children.

My DD is an only, its more normal for our holidays away to just be me and her , as my OH's business doesn't often allow for holidays in school holiday time.

going_nowhere_fast

dancingfairy wrote: »

It's not obvious to me what you want. Is it more children? a husband/relationship? adult friends/company or is it just a sense of time passing/wondering what might have been?
If you want another child there is nothing to stop you having another child, you could adopt or foster, for example.
In terms of meeting people then can you meet people around your little one? Anyone at the school gates (if they are that age)? anyone you meet at any hobbies with your little one? How about something like gingerbread? I think they arrange meetings where single parents can meet up with others in a similar situation and the kids can play together.
df

I think I am wanting a full bustling house which is not achievable really, secondly I'd like to expand my social circle to stop loneliness and keep me busy when my LO has flown the nest.

going_nowhere_fast

balletshoes wrote: »

My DD is an only, its more normal for our holidays away to just be me and her , as my OH's business doesn't often allow for holidays in school holiday time.

Its always nice to know there are others who go away alone, I never see/meet people like that when we are away.

GlasweJen

Are you female? Rainbows/brownies/guides are looking for volunteers pretty much everywhere, you don't need to run a pack on your own it's spare hands we need.

If you start at rainbows with your little girl you could arrange to go every week at first to help out with the activities and gradually leave your daughter on her own with the girls she's made friends with while you're in the background or not going in that week.

By the time she's 7 she will have a solid group of friends and should hopefully transition up to brownies without needing you there and you can decide if you want to keep volunteering or if you need your time back for something else.

This would apply to pretty much any group you send your kids to. Scouts need helpers, dance clubs need mums to keep the register and collect the fees, gymnastics clubs are the same.

You'll soon have a busy house but with kids you have over for tea rather than your own which is really quite nice as you can hand them back when it's all getting too noisy.

Jagraf

My daughter is an only child with lots of friends and extremely rounded and confident and sure of herself. She's sixteen now and I'm remarried.

There is no better or worse, there are good and bad points to large and small families, just like anything else.

The grass is Always greener - I can assure you it is not.

Don't try to find an ideal - there isn't one.

Be happy with what you have

Jagraf

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

I think I am wanting a full bustling house which is not achievable really, secondly I'd like to expand my social circle to stop loneliness and keep me busy when my LO has flown the nest.

Full bursting house of what? Happy children who are all related? You are looking at life through rose coloured specs my lovely!

pollyanna24

barbarawright wrote: »

There was someone on another thread saying that she never ever went out if it meant leaving her child (presumably not home alone) and wanted to spend *all* her free time with her child,. That struck me as bad for both of them - surely everyone needs their own friends and it does a child no harm to be looked after by different adults sometimes

I feel like this a little bit. I'm a single mum, but work full time. So when I'm not at work, I want to be with them. I don't want them all grown up saying that I missed out on their childhood.