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Single mum to an only child

Hi, I don't post often but am always lurking. I have no idea what I expect from posting this but I suppose I have no one in the real world to discuss with...

I am a happily single mother to a wonderful LO. I feel happy, content and am focussed on sorting my finances so I can create a better life for us and live closer to family and friends (we have nobody local to us - its a horrible area where we live at the moment).

I always dreamt of having a large family but surprised myself by being very happy with one child and have loved being single as the father of my child was a bully.

Now all of a sudden I feel confused.

Family, friends, colleagues all have two or three children and it breaks my heart that my child doesn't have a sibling to play with. I feel sad that we don't have that loud bustling house you get with larger families, ours is filled with love, laughter and happy times but is obviously quieter. I have started to feel lonely in an evening when its just me, the TV and biscuit tin (though I am not as lonely as I was in my last relationship). My family spend Christmas, new year, birthdays etc with their partners families so it is always just me and LO, we have a lovely time together but it makes me sad there is no family with us and my LO has never experienced big family occasions when all of their friends and cousins have that.

I'm not craving a relationship but I guess I am suddenly starting to feel that a nice husband and more children would be quite nice and I'm sad because it is highly unlikely to happen.


  • kerri_gt
    kerri_gt Posts: 11,202 Forumite
    First Post Name Dropper First Anniversary Xmas Saver!
    I am the youngest of two but with a big age gap so effectively grew up as an only child. Whilst as a child I would've liked a sibling or two, I now recognise as an adult there's no guarantee we would've got on. There was never any 'she took / she took / he broke / she broke / I want what he / she has' for me. I was quite happy to entertain myself, yes, I even played board games on my own. As an adult and not growing up in a large family I am quite happy in my own company and enjoy peace and quiet. Whether that's nature or nurture i don't know.

    Enjoy the family you have, big or small, and you never know what the future might bring
    Feb 2015 NSD Challenge 8/12
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  • missbiggles1
    missbiggles1 Posts: 17,481 Forumite
    First Post Combo Breaker
    I'm an only child and Christmas was just me, mum and dad. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way!
  • Northern78
    Northern78 Posts: 241 Forumite
    Hi going nowhere fast!!

    My niece is an only child and I always felt a bit sorry for her but she's 13 now and one of the most level headed teenagers I know. She can communicate with kids and adults and thinks nothing of it, probably cos she went an found friends as she didn't have a sibling.

    I have two children, a 3 year old boy and a 9 month old girl. Although I'm not single I can totally relate to what you say about being on your own. My husband is forces so away most of the time, we usually spend Christmas, new year, birthdays without him and although that's through choice (of sorts) I still feel like I'm missing out.

    Your LO won't miss out being an an only child, they know no different. Enjoy the time you have together because one thing I have learned is nothing replaces those special times. X
  • going_nowhere_fast
    Thanks for your replies. They are encouring. My LO plays board games on their own sometimes too!

    I suppose I need to get past the desire for more children.

    I go away on my own with my LO. I know there are millions of single parents out there but in all my years of being a mum I have only ever met one person who goes away on their own with their child/children.
  • going_nowhere_fast
    My LO is sociable but not with strangers so doesn't find other children to play with if we go to the park but will play with children we already know if you know what I mean.

    It must be stressful with your OH being in the forces. I hope you have your family around you.

    We don't have much family, my siblings have married in to large families.
  • going_nowhere_fast
    That's nice to hear. Thank you
  • onlyroz
    onlyroz Posts: 17,661 Forumite
    First Post Combo Breaker First Anniversary
    My kids despise each other 90% of the time. Individually they are decent pleasant kids but put them together and you rapidly wish you were anywhere else but in their company. Perhaps you are coming up to an age where you think that time might be running out for more kids? It is natural to wonder what it might be like, and what you could possibly be missing out on, but it seems like you are generally contented with your lot. I would focus on having plenty of happy times with your child, and perhaps looking for some new hobbies for yourself. Maybe there are some night classes you could do by yourself, or some activity groups you could go along to with your child, to try and make some more local friends?
  • going_nowhere_fast
    I think you are right about the biological clock ticking.

    I don't have people around me who will babysit so my social life is restricted. I have this fear that in the blink of an eye LO will be grown and flown the nest and I'll be lonely. I plan to gradually try and build a social life as my LO grows and I get a bit more free time but making friends as an adult feels daunting and difficult.

    Funny you should say your children don't get along, most people I know don't have close relationships with their siblings as adults. Its magical for the few that do have that closeness though. I would love to be really close.
  • scottish_lassy
    I was a single parent to a wonderful daughter and she now says she loved her childhood and wouldn't have had it any other way. Since it was just the two of us, we became very close and did have holidays which interested us eg horse riding, camping, Malta. We didn't have many holidays (finances) but what we did have was meaningful - we didn't need beach holidays as we live near a good number of beaches!

    The only downside was that she was not used to the normal sibling fighting and could therefore be sensitive if someone was namecalling at school.

    I had many happy years bringing her up and have happy memories. I feel that only having one child, I could give her the time and attention required/deserved.
  • seven-day-weekend
    I'm an only child and Christmas was just me, mum and dad. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way!

    I was adopted when my parents' natural children were teenagers, so therefore was like an only child. I loved it. I did have nieces and nephews, but preferred my own company. I have since found out that I am also the only child of my birth mother.

    My husband, son and son's partner are all only children. My husband says he would have liked a brother,but it was mainly because his childhood was so unhappy (not because he was an only child), that he'd have liked someone to share it with.

    There are pros and cons for both.
    (AKA HRH_MUngo)
    Member #10 of £2 savers club
    Imagine someone holding forth on biology whose only knowledge of the subject is the Book of British Birds, and you have a rough idea of what it feels like to read Richard Dawkins on theology: Terry Eagleton
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