Single mum to an only child

Lunar_Eclipse

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

I know there are millions of single parents out there but in all my years of being a mum I have only ever met one person who goes away on their own with their child/children.

Have a look at a holiday with Neilson. We've been with them the past few Summers to Greece & Turkey and always met a fair number of single parents holidaying with their child/children. This year I became 'friends' with 4, chatting to them throughout the day, at the bar etc.

The kids clubs are fantastic so you should get some time to yourself too, though they are not cheap.

jjj1980

Hi OP,

I am an only child child and grew up with a single parent after my parents divorce. I am also a single parent to a 5.5 year old daughter following my divorce 4 years ago.

I occasionally felt I missed out by not having siblings to play with but none oft friends were as close to their mum as I was/still am with mine.

My daughter and I are extremely close, she calls us "a brilliant team". We do all manner of things together. Never had tons of money but we make the most of everything. Including holidays, in UK and abroad. We are actually on holiday now, just the two of us!! We normally in the UK go to places like Butlins so there are endless choices of things to do and get involved with. Helps them make friends and then other plans crop up from that meeting.

We also do a lot of the free Trails that are run in bigger cities. Where you follow a map of clues to find types of statues etc. There is a Cat one in York and an Owl one in Leeds.

travelgran

I was the only child of a single parent and, yes, I had a good childhood and a close relationship with my mother. But, my aunt once said to me 'your mother never made a friend after she had you' and that was true. Please don't be like this. Sometimes I felt totally responsible for my mother's happiness and as she grew older, her welfare (and I feel very disloyal saying that even though she is long dead) Build a life for yourself as well as your child.

barbarawright

travelgran wrote: »

I was the only child of a single parent and, yes, I had a good childhood and a close relationship with my mother. But, my aunt once said to me 'your mother never made a friend after she had you' and that was true. Please don't be like this. Sometimes I felt totally responsible for my mother's happiness and as she grew older, her welfare (and I feel very disloyal saying that even though she is long dead) Build a life for yourself as well as your child.

There was someone on another thread saying that she never ever went out if it meant leaving her child (presumably not home alone) and wanted to spend *all* her free time with her child,. That struck me as bad for both of them - surely everyone needs their own friends and it does a child no harm to be looked after by different adults sometimes

red_devil

going_nowhere_fast wrote: »

Hi, I don't post often but am always lurking. I have no idea what I expect from posting this but I suppose I have no one in the real world to discuss with...

I am a happily single mother to a wonderful LO. I feel happy, content and am focussed on sorting my finances so I can create a better life for us and live closer to family and friends (we have nobody local to us - its a horrible area where we live at the moment).

I always dreamt of having a large family but surprised myself by being very happy with one child and have loved being single as the father of my child was a bully.

Now all of a sudden I feel confused.

Family, friends, colleagues all have two or three children and it breaks my heart that my child doesn't have a sibling to play with. I feel sad that we don't have that loud bustling house you get with larger families, ours is filled with love, laughter and happy times but is obviously quieter. I have started to feel lonely in an evening when its just me, the TV and biscuit tin (though I am not as lonely as I was in my last relationship). My family spend Christmas, new year, birthdays etc with their partners families so it is always just me and LO, we have a lovely time together but it makes me sad there is no family with us and my LO has never experienced big family occasions when all of their friends and cousins have that.

I'm not craving a relationship but I guess I am suddenly starting to feel that a nice husband and more children would be quite nice and I'm sad because it is highly unlikely to happen.

you have less stress in your life.;)

jackyann

I have spent all of my working life working with families in one form or another. That, and my own family life leads me to believe that what matters is love and commitment, helped by having fun and sharing interests.

I think you may just need to spend a bit of time thinking about your happiness. If you are really happy as you are then don't think about other people. If you feel there is something missing, think about what you can do about it.

I would cherish your happiness as you are - you don't say how old your LO is. Something I have learned is that it is a good idea for small families to have other people in their lives: not necessarily a romantic relationship, indeed that may not be helpful!
But do think about friendships that you want to nurture, or maybe clubs / societies. A lot of only children have found the friendships and "bustle" of sports clubs or youth organisations have given them a taste of being in a crowd.

But just do what's right for you!

going_nowhere_fast

Thanks for all your replies. I am missing a life for 'myself' that isn't child oriented but have no one who will babysit so if I am not at work I am with my LO. At the moment any socialising I do involves something I can include my LO in. We have never had a day apart and I haven't had one night out since I became a mum many years ago.

I know people who as only children have a huge amount of guilt put on them by lonely parents thinking their child should put their lives on hold to fill their days/life. I will NEVER do that which is one of the reasons I would like to grow my circle of friends and build a social life but i don't know how to do this when I never have free time without my LO?

My LO will not get involved with group activities, this includes children's clubs on holiday, sports clubs, drama, dance, cubs, anything. They are sociable when they become familiar with people but don't like group activities or the initial new people situations.

We tried butlins, my LO was the only child who wouldn't get up with the red coats but when we got back to our chalet they showed me the entire routine including actions. They loved watching it, they just didn't want to participate!

barbarawright

How old is she? Surely there is a point when you have to insist that she gives Brownies or drama club or something a fair try - maybe six sessions.

going_nowhere_fast

5 - it would never cross my mind to force them to do any after school activity. I ask every couple of months if they would like to try something and they don't want to.

The one time I attempted to do a group activity I was told not to bother coming again as my LO wasn't joining in.

dancingfairy

It's not obvious to me what you want. Is it more children? a husband/relationship? adult friends/company or is it just a sense of time passing/wondering what might have been?
If you want another child there is nothing to stop you having another child, you could adopt or foster, for example.
In terms of meeting people then can you meet people around your little one? Anyone at the school gates (if they are that age)? anyone you meet at any hobbies with your little one? How about something like gingerbread? I think they arrange meetings where single parents can meet up with others in a similar situation and the kids can play together.
df