Cancer Support Thread

DUKE

Brilliant news JA!

Usually I go on the Macmillan site to talk. I don't talk about it to anyone else really as they keep saying ''But it's gone now though''. It has, but it keeps coming back & I don't think they believe me. I'm sure some people think that you either have cancer just once & survive, or it's terminal, I don't think that they see it as an ongoing thing.

Did you have a good holiday Gigervamp?

Gigervamp

Yes thanks DUKE. Husband wasn't feeling too well at the start, so we didn't do much for a few days, but the location of the flat is right above the beach. There is a terrace outside the flat, so it was lovely just relaxing outside, listening to the waves lapping the shore.

All things being well, we'll be going back next year. Can't wait!


Just realised, I haven't posted an update. Had my 3 monthly appointment last Friday. The side effects of having a kidney stent have been causing me problems, with partial incontinence and cystitis like symptoms. My urologist told me there was nothing to be done, basically I have to suck it up. But, my oncologist and the specialist nurse had a look and saw how sore I am and prescribed some local anaesthetic gel and a barrier cream. Much more helpful.

I also have problems with my bowels and need to take laxatives, but occasionally the laxatives cause serious cramping. It's so bad, it's like labour contractions, makes me sick and faint. So they also gave me some Oramorph to help with that. I'll only be using that when absolutely necessary as it will make the constipation worse, but I'm glad I've got it for when I need it.

That's the trouble with cervical cancer, it affects everything else in the pelvic area. It's a right pain! (Pun not intended.)

Hey ho. Anyway, my next appointment will be in January, barring anything cropping up before then. Fingers crossed.

Gigervamp

Bumping this up for a couple of reasons.

I noticed that Vintage Brighton hasn't been on MSE since the end of October. I do hope she's ok.

Also, I need some support.

What to do when you can see someone you love (my husband) heading towards either a mental breakdown or heart attack (his father had one in his 50s and his uncle died of one, so there's family history) but he refuses to accept the help that the GP has offered.

He refuses to take anti-depressants because when he was on them 3 years ago, he felt like a zombie and apparently "everyone" he's spoken to who took them said they didn't work.

I've pointed out that there are different ones and it can take a while to find the one that suits, but he still refuses.

He's getting worse and his physical health is getting worse because of it. Doc said the physical problems are caused by stress and offered anti-ds, but he still refused.

I'm terrified.

System

Unless they have been sectioned under the mental health act you cannot force somebody to take medication they don't wish to take.

Gigervamp

I know, but that doesn't help either of us.

System

Would he be willing to try other methods of combatting stress? Meditation, relaxation, possibly CBT?

Gigervamp

He's had counselling but he said it didn't help. I doubt if he'd try meditation and he didn't seem interested when I've mentioned CBT.

What he wants is for the situation to change. It won't, until I die.

I worry how he will cope when I'm gone. I can see him becoming a hermit and a hoarder.

jozxyqk

Gigervamp wrote: »

Bumping this up for a couple of reasons.

I noticed that Vintage Brighton hasn't been on MSE since the end of October. I do hope she's ok.

Also, I need some support.

What to do when you can see someone you love (my husband) heading towards either a mental breakdown or heart attack (his father had one in his 50s and his uncle died of one, so there's family history) but he refuses to accept the help that the GP has offered.

He refuses to take anti-depressants because when he was on them 3 years ago, he felt like a zombie and apparently "everyone" he's spoken to who took them said they didn't work.

I've pointed out that there are different ones and it can take a while to find the one that suits, but he still refuses.

He's getting worse and his physical health is getting worse because of it. Doc said the physical problems are caused by stress and offered anti-ds, but he still refused.

I'm terrified.

I'm really sorry to hear this, it must be very worrying for you. Is depression something he's suffered from for a long time?


I don't have much in the way of practical advice and it's difficult to put into words without coming across all patronising...


In my experience, if someone is suffering from depression, their thought processes make it very difficult to reason with them. So he won't be forced into taking medication or going to counselling etc. He'll dig his heels in as he's decided it won't work.


Is there any way he could be persuaded in a roundabout way to do something that might improve things? Like more exercise, gardening? What hobbies or interests does he have?

Gigervamp

He's suffered depression for about 3 years, since my diagnosis.

His physical health is really bad. Sometimes, when he gets in from work, he goes to bed for a few hours because he's so knackered. (He has a desk job.)
His hobby is retro gaming and making videos to put up on YouTube. The most physical things he does are cleaning out the chicken coop, hoovering, and if we go out, pushing me around in the wheelchair. But those things really take it out of him. You'd think he'd just run a marathon.

It's so frustrating because he'd be fine if I didn't have cancer. We were really happy before the s**t hit the fan.

jozxyqk

It's horrible how debilitating depression can be, and this is worse as it's a reaction to you having cancer. Entirely understandable but so unfair as there is no obvious cure.


If he's been to the GP and refused the treatment offered, I don't see any way to make him better. Is there a support group for partners that he could join? Somewhere he can vent safely.


I wish I could help.