Just for a laugh

Errata

Good access to the motorway = under the flyover

Austin_Allegro

'Vibrant' area = nobody speaks English
'Up and coming' area = slum
'Close to pubs and clubs' = flat above a pub
'Good transport links' = under a railway or motorway bridge
'Park home' = caravan
'Excellently maintained communal areas' = service charge higher than the mortgage
'Blanktown borders' = three miles away from Blanktown in a slum
'Lower ground floor' = converted cellar
'Loft apartment' = attic not suitable for anyone over 5' 4"
'Open plan living area' = kitchen with a sofa and tellie added

azjh77

off street parking - they've knocked their front wall down so they can park their car in the garden.

azjh77

Saw a good one today..."Oozes potential" ..ie:- you'll need to install a new kitchen, bathroom, heating, windows....

paddy's_mum

Relatively private, colourful, courtyard garden = the ten neighbouring houses have a right of way across your tiny, concrete yard. It's a well known shortcut from the housing estate just round the corner to the pub, chip-shop etc and the boundary walls and fences get graffiti'd by passing yobs on a regular basis.

A_Nice_Englishman

Ideal for commuters - railway at the bottom of the garden but station 2 miles away OR traffic queuing to get on the motorway means it takes 10 mins to get out of the driveway.

BobProperty

A friend of mine and myself always loved the use of the word "substantial" to describe anything vaguely average size or larger.

I like "individually decorated" or "decorated to a personal taste" which usually means painted in clashing bright colours by a colour-blind nutter.

TTMCMschine

Errata wrote: »

2 bedrooms and a box room = vendor won't pay for a HIP (but the description is accurate!)

Ah ha, so they're changing back - for too long ea's have been fobbing us off with the fact that the box room is a bedroom, when quite clearly it is a box room. You can particularly tell when it says occasional 3rd bedroom/study - ooh that just makes me want to rip the property pages up!! :mad:
So hurray :beer: for the return of the box room - they are reverting back to the truth, and hopefully us first time buyers will get a house for a bit more of a reasonable price! Like you say the description is accurate - in this case a spade is a spade!

i'll get off my soap box now!

paddy's_mum

Just had a friend turn up to show me a pic taken on his mobile phone. He went to view a lower priced house (for his son, a ftb) yesterday. The EA had described the kitchen as having a "range of ceramic tiled areas". In reality, the cheapskate vendor had attempted a 'harlequin' splashback by buying odd (in both colour and size) tiles from here, there and every car boot sale, and sticking them up any old how. The effect is remarkable for it's ugliness, it's total lack of charm and it's ability to deter any potential buyer.

The same agent also referred to the back garden as a "challenge for a keen gardener" = hip high grass, weeds, old leylandii stumps, car tyres, rusting roofing tin sheets etc.

Another house in town is described as "non standard construction". It is an old asbestos shack, bricked round some years ago. Lung cancer, anyone?!

Melissa177

"bijou" - couldn't swing a cat in it

"well-presented" - owners have done a decent job tarting it up for the cameras

"close to Canary Wharf" - "about twenty mins walk to the nearest DLR and then ten mins to Canary Wharf"