No Spark

FBaby

Charming how she came up with the 'oh and by the way...'. Okay so she is in love with someone else, they don't want her, so she is a) trying to use the jealousy method, ie, if they think she is starting something with someone else, they will change their mind and realise they want to be with her, or b) she is so desperate to fall out of love, she is testing the water to see if by some miracle, you will help her with that.

She was disappointed because she likes you, but she didn't get the instant attraction with you that she has with him which she'd hope would mean she could move away from him.

OP, honestly, don't get into this, the risk are too high. The only way this could turn positive is if she somehow, with time, falls in love with you and is able to move on from her infatuation with this other guy. The probability of this happening is very low. She is not interested in starting something with you, she is interested in ending things with him (assuming not option a)). Are you prepared to invest all your efforts in building a relationship with someone, knowing that she could still be sleeping with him at any time and that she might never actually develop the same feelings for your as you have with her?

Let it go, not worth the effort.

kittygirl20

Hmmm I wouldn't be telling anyone I was interested in dating that I was sleeping with a F- Buddy.

Sorry Bobby, hope you meet someone a lot better without so many hang ups!

geerex

Rebel_Cause wrote: »

It's a quote from Robocop.

I'd buy that for a dollar!

Bobby2016

Thank you all for your advice, really appreciated.

Well just to give an update. Last few days we've been chatting a lot, flirting and having a good time. She came round for dinner last night and we had a good time. Although I did feel awkard at times as I didnt know whether to make a move or not.

After she got home she text me to say thank you for a lovely evening. I said it was a good night and apologised if I seemed a bit shy at the end, purely because I didnt know what to do. We chatted for a bit about this then I asked what her reaction would have been if I had leant over and given her a kiss whilst we were sat on the sofa. She said she really didnt know. She said she truly thinks she isnt cut out for this and just needs a casual situation that will last forever. She said that she thinks maybe we should just stay as friends especially as I didn't seem relaxed around her.

I said thats probably the best idea, but to be honest i'll wish you well and just slope off. Few sad faces from her but she said she understands.

I expected all this when I was a teenager, not as someone in my 30's! Just a shame that after quite a few dates ive been on, the one person that ticks all the boxes has a relationship phobia.

Suppose its now a case of onwards and upwards as they say.

Ozzuk

It really doesn't sound like you are suited. She needs someone more direct, dynamic and confident. Texting someone after asking if you should have made a move? You aren't projecting a manly image so she doesn't know if she finds you attractive. She is overthinking/you are overthinking - dating should be fun not all this hassle. You make a move, she reciprocates, awesome. She doesn't...you laugh, make a joke of it and that can also bring you closer.

I'm not saying grab her by the hair and drag her to the bedroom/cave but methinks your technique could do with taking a few more chances

Being a gentleman is great, I'd say I fall into that category but you also should have an edge.

Bobby2016

Very true and good advice.

The only reason I asked though was because we've been very open and honest with things and been able to chat about things like that though.

Slightly frustrated with myself that I didnt just go in for it, but suppose we all learn from our mistakes.

System

geminilady wrote: »

I would reply explain you were tied up in work and arrange a second date if you like the lady,you got on well which is the main thing,there does not have to be a "spark"people can grow on you.

You don't have to explain to anyone !! Be doing so you are making a rod for your own back, in my opinion. By making excuses that you are not replying because you are busy insinuates that you are happy to be the 'chaser' and probably will be forever more !

By her assuming that your lack of reply means you are not happy with the text suggests to me that she enjoys the chase. Most people who are not interested, tend to want to get out quickly and cleanly - this girl likes the attention of an interested man.

Don't reply for a few days...and when you do, text something like "sorry been away for a bit, sorry you feel that way, take it easy". See if she brings out the carrot and stick then...then you'll know.

then YOU will know :-) and take the power back

Bobby2016

Well she got in touch again saying that shes had enough with dating sites/social media and messaging and is taking herself off them all. As quick as a flash, she was gone. Whatsapp deleted along with her dating profiles.

Guess that finally answers that one!

firebird082

Sounds to me like she's got some sort of fixed (childish) idea about love and relationships and has yet to turn that into an adult understanding. It's a shame, and I'm sorry for you, but it sounds like it was the right ending for you.

Bobby2016

I took a gamble and it didnt pay off.

I had a date with another lady a week ago (we'll call her Miss A) and we got on so well. I liked her, she liked me. However before this date, I mentioned it to the woman the thread is about (We'll call her Miss Z) and she got really upset, saying she had missed her chance, she really liked me, wanted to go on a date. She said she was a bit annoyed I was talking and arrnaging another date, but then I pointed out to her that up until this point she had said she didnt want to date, just wanted to meet up as potential friends.

Anyway, day after the date with Miss A, I had to go against my principles and bend the truth and say it was all moving too quick (she was very much into me) and slowly wind it down so I could have a date with Miss Z.

I absolutely hate the dating scene. Guess thats what they call karma.