Charging rent to someone who is back with parents due to illness

amistupid

I now some parents who are so mean, if they son was schizophrenic, they'd charged each of his personalties fifty quid per week.

Bangton

My child would always mean more to me than money no matter what his age. I think it's a rubbish thing for parents to do to be honest.

lika_86

Maybe it's not about the money but a disincentive to stay forever. Maybe his parents are concerned that if they make it too easy for him, their adult son will stay forever. I'm not entering into the rights and wrongs of him being ill and being charged, but how many people do w get on here complain that their adult children are still at home, paying no rent and abusing the situation?

surveyqueenuk

amistupid wrote: »

I now some parents who are so mean, if they son was schizophrenic, they'd charged each of his personalties fifty quid per week.

Schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder are two completely different illnesses. Please check your facts.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Depends. My daughter is a skinny thing, but she more than quadruples the weekly food bill as soon as she walks in through the door. I really don't know where she packs it away, but whereas one chicken breast will feed myself and OH easily (and there are even leftovers sometimes), she seems to need two whole pieces, plus twice as many vegetables or she will sit beside me with her stomach growling within ten minutes of finishing. I can imagine a man would eat significantly more.

I'm also reminded of an ex of mine, who moved into his mum's to ostensibly recover after illness for a couple of weeks. She didn't charge him a penny as he had his own flat and bills. Eight months later, when the cost of feeding him and funding his life was eating into her savings, she told him that she thought it was time for him to go home. He announced that he had nowhere else to go, as the landlords had given him notice to leave at the end of the rental contract - he'd actually given them notice before he turned up on her doorstep. It took a year for her to convince him to leave (by which time I had already refused point blank to have him move in here several times and had finally dumped him).

It may not have been the case for the OP's friend, but we don't know what he is like, whether he's very independent or very much one of life's victims irrespective of any illness. They may have needed to charge him, they may have been worried they would end up with him back permanently, they may have been doing it to make sure he got back into work and moved away from being a patient.

I'd only charge my kids if I absolutely had to. But I know that they'd rather BBQ their own eyeballs than have to move back in with me on a permanent basis. If they were like that (completely unmissed) ex, I'd be helping them, but making sure it wasn't too comfortable for them at the same time.

missbiggles1

How old is he?

Does he get full sickness pay or just SSP?

duchy

Dark_elf wrote: »

They just told him 'we want X amoun't and he said 'Ok'. He did not think he would be able to cope living alone with strangers fresh from hospital so he went to his parents home.

Personally I feel to charge him is money grabbing and cold-hearted, but from some responses here it seems that some people do feel it is reasonable to charge which is what I wanted to find out. .

If you are such a good friend and felt it was that unfair why didn't you ask your friend to come and live with you for free instead ?

Your friend chose to go and live with their family knowing they would be expected to pay their way. You don't know the family history or the financial circumstance -you just know one side of the story -and in all honesty meddling in family business is overstepping the mark and if you keep criticizing your friend's family to them they may start avoiding you as it's one thing for them to moan about their family but another entirely for you to slag them off ! It is what it is-and really not any of your business.

duchy

Dark_elf wrote: »

Thank you for your reply. Re the food etc. - you are right - I am probably underestimating but they are costs I would absorb personally.

They always pride themselves on being very religious (but only go to church a handful of times a year) and 'family values' so no, I would not have placed them as people from a 'hard' background.

I don't know them well enough to know their attitudes about debt etc, but they do spend a lot on gadgets, cars, nails done etc.

So you are an expert on their habits of worship but not about their debt...... Have you actually met them or is all this judgement from what your friend's selective info they are giving you ? There's usually at least two sides to every story.

I do wonder why your friend didn't come and stay with you instead though if they feel so hard done by.

amistupid

amistupid wrote: »

I now some parents who are so mean, if they son was schizophrenic, they'd charged each of his personalties fifty quid per week.

surveyqueenuk wrote: »

Schizophrenia and multiple personality disorder are two completely different illnesses. Please check your facts.

Thanks for that, you learn something new every day.

belisha-beacon

Dark_elf wrote: »

What is your opinion of this?

I agree with many of the other posters, who say we don't know the full circumstances. There are situations in which this would be entirely reasonable, and situations in which it would be mean.

You haven't said whether his parents knew that he was still paying rent elsewhere - certainly I have known people with mental health problems before who couldn't face living in a shared home for a while so told their parents they'd been chucked out - so that they could go and live with them. To be honest, supporting your friend to see if they could negotiate better terms on their rental property might be a better avenue than going after the parents, if you know what I mean. Not all, but some, landlords would release someone from a contract early if they could demonstrate a medical need to move out.

Also, as other people have alluded to, payment is sometimes even recommended by mental health charities or support services. It is really easy, when ill or depressed, to feel the world is against you and that you'll never be able to cope alone - a sort of learned helplessness. It's lovely to have a supportive set of family and friends but if they try to help by doing everything for you then it can really backfire, and reinforce the problems that the person is experiencing. A token cost (and I'd say £50 a week is a token cost when you think about the cost even of a basic B&B or hostel) can be reasonable if the aim is to give the person a sense that they are still in control of their lives, not dependent on 'charity'. It can help them in their recovery so that there is an incentive to become independent again.