Charging rent to someone who is back with parents due to illness

Dark_elf

duchy wrote: »

If you are such a good friend and felt it was that unfair why didn't you ask your friend to come and live with you for free instead ?

Your friend chose to go and live with their family knowing they would be expected to pay their way. You don't know the family history or the financial circumstance -you just know one side of the story -and in all honesty meddling in family business is overstepping the mark and if you keep criticizing your friend's family to them they may start avoiding you as it's one thing for them to moan about their family but another entirely for you to slag them off ! It is what it is-and really not any of your business.

I did not slag the parents off, I just expressed surprise . As I said to a previous poster I am not debating this with them or proposing he argues with his parents about this.

I am just interested in finding out what the general view was about the concept of cbarging a sick adult child to recuperate.

Dark_elf

duchy wrote: »

So you are an expert on their habits of worship but not about their debt...... Have you actually met them or is all this judgement from what your friend's selective info they are giving you ? There's usually at least two sides to every story.

I do wonder why your friend didn't come and stay with you instead though if they feel so hard done by.

I have known them as family friends for over 20 years. As I said to another poster, I am not urging him to start a riot. Apart from saying 'they charged you £200 a month, really?' That's all I have said to him on the subject. This is a forum for sharing opinions and that is all I am doing.

Dark_elf

FBaby wrote: »

You might not know as much about their history than you believe. Maybe he was bad with money in the past and they wanted to make sure he continued to budget realistically.

lika_86 wrote: »

Maybe it's not about the money but a disincentive to stay forever. Maybe his parents are concerned that if they make it too easy for him, their adult son will stay forever. I'm not entering into the rights and wrongs of him being ill and being charged, but how many people do w get on here complain that their adult children are still at home, paying no rent and abusing the situation?

Of course, as you say, we never have a full view of any situation however he has lived alone for at least ten years and held a professional job so there is not really a background of 'being an irresponsible adult refusing to leave home' sort of thing.

belisha-beacon wrote: »

You haven't said whether his parents knew that he was still paying rent elsewhere -

They did.

belisha-beacon wrote: »

certainly I have known people with mental health problems before who couldn't face living in a shared home for a while so told their parents they'd been chucked out - so that they could go and live with them. .

That's not the case here, but that is an interesting perspective.

belisha-beacon wrote: »

To be honest, supporting your friend to see if they could negotiate better terms on their rental property might be a better avenue [...] Not all, but some, landlords would release someone from a contract early if they could demonstrate a medical need to move out.

It is too late for that now, and he is back there anyway but that is interesting as I had never considered that possibility.

belisha-beacon wrote: »

Also, as other people have alluded to, payment is sometimes even recommended by mental health charities or support services. It is really easy, when ill or depressed, to feel the world is against you and that you'll never be able to cope alone - a sort of learned helplessness. It's lovely to have a supportive set of family and friends but if they try to help by doing everything for you then it can really backfire, and reinforce the problems that the person is experiencing. A token cost (and I'd say £50 a week is a token cost when you think about the cost even of a basic B&B or hostel) can be reasonable if the aim is to give the person a sense that they are still in control of their lives, not dependent on 'charity'. It can help them in their recovery so that there is an incentive to become independent again.

Thanks for sharing that, again another interesting perspective.

enthusiasticsaver

I would not charge either of my daughters rent if they were in the unfortunate position your friend is. The very last thing I would want to do is to pile more stress on at a time of illness. Once they were well again and able to cope with life that would be a different matter but in my opinion the parents are either greedy or do not really want him back but are putting up with it and applying a disincentive for him to overstay his welcome. However there are always two sides to every story so there may be other issues at play here your friend has not chosen to share with you. I hope he gets well soon anyway.

GobbledyGook

It depends on their income. There's a big difference between two well off parents charging their child rent and two people who've scrimped and saved for a nice holiday and don't actually have the money they've saved anymore.

Also you are massively underestimating how much one extra person can cost imo, and there's a big difference between subsidising a visit for 2 weeks and keeping someone for 4 months.

My BIL lives with us at the moment and I think he easily costs more than £50 a week to keep. In normal, non-school-holiday, weeks he's home all day when we are out so that's the heating on all day, electricity being used all day when it wouldn't normally be. It's another 2 showers a day. It's another 3, big, meals a day. It's another person eating snacks, having drinks, using the toilet roll/shampoo/toothpaste using the phone etc etc. It all adds up and some people simply couldn't afford another adult living in their home for free.

jetplane

amistupid wrote: »

I now some parents who are so mean, if they son was schizophrenic, they'd charged each of his personalties fifty quid per week.

amistupid wrote: »

Thanks for that, you learn something new every day.

Have you been hacked? You are way better than this, both in wit and observation.

livingit

Do you mean he had a psychotic episode? Schizophrenia is not a temporary diagnosis.

You can not judge a family's decision they may have been coerced into having him home as part of his discharge plan. His family may have known what he can afford. They may have known he might never leave if they charged him a token rent.

Do not imagine that having someone recovering from severe mental illness is as easy as chucking a cheap meal at them and hardly noticing he is there. He is there because he needs a lot of support, and the fact that within four months he returned to independent living and work suggests he may have received that support.

At which point his family may have felt they needed a holiday.

He will have been entitled to Housing Benefit for his flat if he was on a low income, he may well be receiving Disability Living Allowance and could have had enhanced benefits.

He will tell you what he wants you to know or believe. He will not give you a complete history of his family dynamics. This is not because he has a mental illness, its because its what us humans do.

Dark_elf

It looks like this is just a case where there will be opposing views about money and family.
Some people will work for family businesses for free 'for the good of the family'. Others will expect at least minimum wage.

Some families charge to babysit each other's children and others would never dream of having money in the equation.

To me, personally charging rent in this situation is akin to whipping out a bill after Christmas dinner. But people are different and families are different. Maybe they charged for pragmatic reasons mentioned in the posts above or maybe they were just greedy.

Pollycat

Dark_elf wrote: »

It looks like this is just a case where there will be opposing views about money and family.
Some people will work for family businesses for free 'for the good of the family'. Others will expect at least minimum wage.

Some families charge to babysit each other's children and others would never dream of having money in the equation.

To me, personally charging rent in this situation is akin to whipping out a bill after Christmas dinner. But people are different and families are different. Maybe they charged for pragmatic reasons mentioned in the posts above or maybe they were just greedy.

Or maybe your friend is being economical with the truth.
Or maybe there's much more to this than you are aware of.