smallholdingsister's strivings

thewalrussaid

I have been reading the recent debate with interest and I completely agree with BB and GreenT. My parents have bankrolled me through private school, uni and then subsidised me to varying degrees thereafter, including a substantial deposit on a house. Firstly I have to say that I am very close to my family and very grateful for all their help but on the other hand it probably hasn't done me much good in terms of the fact I have never had to struggle and have always known that should things go wrong I have them to fall back on. Lets just say that it hasn't given me a desperate desire to succeed.

My point is that it is one thing to have opinions about never living in semi detached houses etc when you have paid for everything yourself but it is quite another when you owe much of your status in life to someone else. I would never say to any of my friends "well, I'd never countenance living in a house share" because I know that is all they can afford in London. The point is that one can have their own opinions and yet still be sensitive to the circumstances of others. I realise that the original point of the debate was to say that if work is becoming very stressful then maybe one should reassess and cut back but unfortunately most of us cannot do that, we have to work and have no option but to pay the monthly bills.

And to put it more bluntly, if you can't take it back, don't dish it out.

AlexLK

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Is your new land rover Brand New?

Yes, one of the last Defenders.

greent wrote: »

You do come across as very out of touch with the majority of people, Alex. You didn't have to work through uni, have had debts repaid by parents (I think?), have had mortgage covered by parents and have had funds injected into your business by your parents. I'm not sure that any of those funds need to be repaid to your parents? - mostly on here if people do have parental loans they are just that - they have to be repaid.

You make matters worse with statements such as 'I've no problem drinking a cup of tea in a terraced house but wouldn't want to live in one' and 'I don't think students should be working in a supermarket whilst studying to make ends meet' and some of the statements you made on SF's thread when she was looking for a new (to her) car were out of touch with most people's reality and expectations.

I bought my first house with my OH when I was 21 - it was a tiny 2 bed terrace with no shower, no central heating, no garage, no double glazing and a postage stamp sized garden - but we paid for it ourselves - and loved it because of it.

I often find myself singing Pulp's 'Common People' when reading threads where you've posted.

*gets off soapbox and returns to usual morning activities of chasing around after the children*

The last lot of debt I managed to build, I paid myself. There was a time before when my parents did bail me out of debt but I realised that needed to stop happening. Since then, I've learnt to not spend so much money and will hopefully not find myself in that position again. I will quite readily admit I spent my 20's doing some very stupid things with money (didn't we all? ), that has stopped now and is not relevant anymore. My wife has offered to give them back the money they spent paying our mortgage, they refused to take it. That's hardly my fault, is it?

Can't really see how it's a problem to not want to live in a terraced house or think students ought to be studying? Not really sure how buying an older but more comfortable car is "out of touch" either?

Secret_Saving_Squirrel wrote: »

Yes. In my opinion, being totally funded through university and being given very expensive gifts is being bankrolled. Not totally, of course, to be fair, but the vast majority of MFW readers would not be able to do these things for themselves or their children even if they were not overpaying.

How can a gift I didn't even ask for mean they bankroll me? Also, how are the situations of other people relevant to whether I am bankrolled by my parents or not?

AlexLK

muddywhitechicken wrote: »

We all have different circumstances and that's what makes reading diaries so fascinating.

In our case, we've studied (with parental contributions and holiday jobs only) and worked hard to get well paid jobs that enable us to overpay our mortgage by more than some people earn in a year, that and not being blessed with children.

We're not great MSErs but by reading the diaries here we've learnt to be less wasteful and more mindful of our spending during the past 3 years.

Exactly.

smallholdingsister wrote: »

Busy busy day.
Fire's lit. Dog is upside down on the rug.

... In front of the fire.

Brodiebobs wrote: »

I don't know how you can read this back to yourself and not see everyone's point?

Being gifted a car which costs more than an annual salary is not a normal occurrence, neither is having your mortgage or business subsidised by your parents, or not having to work through uni.

Totally get your probably from a different world from me and my family, and may see it as normal, but that isn't my issue. My issue is how you seem to judge people who live in terraced houses, pay their own mortgages, and struggle.. which without your parents input i'm sure you would too.

I have explained how the car is irrelevant. I only mentioned it because I knew you'd cite it as evidence. Regarding the mortgage, it wasn't something that even went on for long.

I do not judge people for living in a terrace house, all I said is that I wouldn't want to live in one. Can't see how that is being judgemental, personally.

As for me, had I not my parents input I still wouldn't be living in a terraced house, thanks. My wife has a good job and I'd have some motivation to earn more too.

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS

Maybe I should turn over and go to sleep but I feel compelled to add to the discussion.

I could so easily be you talking Alex. My parents had their own business and were extremely successful. Self built house in excellent location with tons of land. Quality cars, good life style etc.

However I didn't let them give me anything. Well, that's not entirely true - they bought me a display cabinet when I bought my first house at 21.

I've worked like a demon, sadly to the detriment of my health now but I can look back and say I've done it without parental support.

My father has sadly passed away and when mum goes we will have a very good inheritance but we don't need it. We won't be saying no to it though .

Everyone on MFW has a different background, differing income, education level etc but the joy that we feel when someone achieves something, is truly phenomenal and creates a virtual network of support.

Whether people live in a two up, two down; terrace; detached; farm etc is irrelevant in my opinion. I'm only interested in people and don't give two hoots what they live in. How they increase and utilise their disposable income interests me - whether investments, OPs etc.

Personally, I feel you would be a much happier person if you just lived your own life, not in the shadow of your parents.

Finally, our DD worked in a supermarket, ok it was WR but she had to learn to deal with people, take ownership and accountability and demonstrate her skills. Now she is at Uni she works around 6 hours a week, but also has 25 hours of lectures, plus self study. We are not supporting her - she will end up with a loan which needs clearing. This is teaching her a big lesson in budgeting for rent, entertainment, food, travel, gifts, etc. Once she has entered her working phase then we will clear the debt for her but we will also give DS, who is not going to Uni the same amount, in a Trust fund. We are doing this because we disagree with young people having to start out on their journey with a millstone of debt and are in a fortunate position to be able to pay it off.

Living with your parents sounds like a recipe for disaster. Your son really needs to see his parents and what they achieve, not look past his mother and father to his grandparents.

Apologies if any of this is harsh, I tend to keep quiet when something strikes a chord but this evening I couldn't.

Tilly

AlexLK

thewalrussaid wrote: »

... Lets just say that it hasn't given me a desperate desire to succeed.

Absolutely understand this.

AlexLK

Tilly_MFW_in_6_YRS wrote: »

Maybe I should turn over and go to sleep but I feel compelled to add to the discussion.

I could so easily be you talking Alex. My parents had their own business and were extremely successful. Self built house in excellent location with tons of land. Quality cars, good life style etc.

However I didn't let them give me anything. Well, that's not entirely true - they bought me a display cabinet when I bought my first house at 21.

I've worked like a demon, sadly to the detriment of my health now but I can look back and say I've done it without parental support.

My father has sadly passed away and when mum goes we will have a very good inheritance but we don't need it. We won't be saying no to it though .

Everyone on MFW has a different background, differing income, education level etc but the joy that we feel when someone achieves something, is truly phenomenal and creates a virtual network of support.

Whether people live in a two up, two down; terrace; detached; farm etc is irrelevant in my opinion. I'm only interested in people and don't give two hoots what they live in. How they increase and utilise their disposable income interests me - whether investments, OPs etc.

Personally, I feel you would be a much happier person if you just lived your own life, not in the shadow of your parents.

Finally, our DD worked in a supermarket, ok it was WR but she had to learn to deal with people, take ownership and accountability and demonstrate her skills. Now she is at Uni she works around 6 hours a week, but also has 25 hours of lectures, plus self study. We are not supporting her - she will end up with a loan which needs clearing. This is teaching her a big lesson in budgeting for rent, entertainment, food, travel, gifts, etc. Once she has entered her working phase then we will clear the debt for her but we will also give DS, who is not going to Uni the same amount, in a Trust fund. We are doing this because we disagree with young people having to start out on their journey with a millstone of debt and are in a fortunate position to be able to pay it off.

Living with your parents sounds like a recipe for disaster. Your son really needs to see his parents and what they achieve, not look past his mother and father to his grandparents.

Apologies if any of this is harsh, I tend to keep quiet when something strikes a chord but this evening I couldn't.

Tilly

Not harsh at all, Tilly and all completely fair. Must admit, I greatly admire what you've managed to achieve. However, at my age and after what's happened in the past, I can't start again.

I don't want my son to look to my example and hope he does look past me to my parents.

pavlovs_dog

AlexLK wrote: »

As for me, had I not my parents input I still wouldn't be living in a terraced house, thanks. My wife has a good job and I'd have some motivation to earn more too.

My perception of you from comments such as these is that your self worth is defined entirely by your lifestyle and possessions. Based on what you post, I really don't know how you would cope emotionally if you were to lose those trappings and the status you believe that they give you. I cannot decide whether it is intentional, but at times you can come across as condescending to those who do not aspire to the same lifestyle, whether that be a result of choice or circumstance.

At best, your posts lack empathy. At worst, there are comments which seem deliberately intent on adding fuel to the fire. Despite the wealth, however relative and whatever its source, you don't seem any more content with your lot in life than the rest of us.

smallholdingsister

Good morning and Happy Friday!

pavlovs_dog

Hope Friday is kind to you SHS - week 7 has been a killer. Neither mind nor body are willing any more. Roll on half term!

Any nice plans for the weekend?

newgirly

Without going into too much of a rant, in the town I live in, a terraced house costs between 300-650k depending which end of town (I am the cheap end ) , a detatched house easily a million plus. So unless you want to move away from friends /family /work and schools you are stuck unless you earn quite a lot.

Circumstances change, house prices rise, its very easy to say you would work to have a better house, but at those prices with a big family? Not possible for us, and many others too. Even if we wanted to move away from family and work we can't at the moment and thats certainly not down to laziness.

I am sure we all have different priorities and want to live in houses or flats for different reasons, there are some on here who could easily afford a bigger flashier house but prefer not to, look at some of the dairies over the years, many doing surveys and scraping by just attempting to overpay a few pounds this month for the flat they live in with their partner and kids which is really too small. We come in all shapes and sizes and need to encourage that.

I guess this has turned into a rant, all I am saying is don't judge so much, you don't know the journey others have been on just to hang on to their little place you could'nt live in.


Oh and happy friday shs