How to deal with this/the lost art of "sitting nicely"

Jagraf

GracieP wrote: »

But if you think that the toddlers, who are also people on the pavement, should have to make way for you how is that any different? I'm seriously confused, whether we are 2, 42 or 82 we are all people. If a toddler gets in your way they will grow up to think the world revolves around them. But if you get in a toddler's way that's not you thinking the world revolves around you, that's just right and proper? Really? Seems like a massive double standard. Worse in fact as I was raised to believe that an able bodied person should always make way for those less well able. And that would include young people who by your own description of 'wobbling' are only learning to walk and so would be a less well able than the able bodied adults to whom the 'inconvenience' of stepping around a new walker would be imperceptible if it wasn't an affront to their own centre of the solar system status.

I would hate my teen to not offer her seat on the bus to an elderly lady, even if that elderly lady was able to stand.

I don't think we respect the older generation enough in the main. If that means that we have to teach our kids early to respect our elders, then so be it.

By your reckoning then, if all are equal, should kids pay full price for everything too? Like cinema tickets, plane tickets, holidays?

I'm in my forties and able bodied. I would expect a teenager walking towards me in the pavement to move (although I would naturally do this too). Most of the time they do, and are much more polite than their parents, who are my age and seem to have lost their own manners.

BarryBlue

GracieP wrote: »

The post I quoted says absolutely nothing about pubs are restaurants and is specifically about the pavement. Tbh, I don't think children belong in pubs at all, unless it's specifically a family pub with a play area or in the function room for a family party. Whether the kids are running riot or are cowed into sitting quietly while their parents drink the afternoon away, it's bad parenting. As a teenager I used to work in a shop beside a pub and on Sunday afternoons some of our main customers were kids who'd been given a pound to go buy some sweets so they'd sit down and be quiet while their parents drank. They were so bored it was heartbreaking. Every hour or so they'd come in with more money some friend or relative had given them but they had no enthusiasm for the treats they were buying as it wasn't a treat to them. A lot of them would spend ages at the till just chatting to me and the resignation on their faces when they'd head back into the pub was so sad. And these were nice middle class kids from respectable families. They sure sat quietly and didn't bother anyone but it was still a case of bad parenting.

I do developmentally appropriate things with my child. We mostly only go to family cafes with play areas or if we are in a standard cafe/restaurant we make sure it is one where we will eat quickly and with variety, so we leave long before he gets bored. The first time he'll spend an afternoon in a pub is when he's an adult and it's his idea of a nice way to spend his time.

I would agree with most of that. I stated in an earlier post that kids should only be in family areas and pubs are adult places. Family areas should only admit children when that family is having a meal, and there should be no children in any pub after about 7.30.

Wetherspoons had a policy of a curfew time for children. They also permitted only one alcoholic drink per adult after the meals were finished. This was designed to stop people boozing while kids just sat there. Responsible parents should not need such rules, of course.;)

FBaby

The issue is not the child's behaviour. They all naturally shout, scream, get in the way, are boistrous. They are self-centered adorable little creatures. However, they need to learn that this behaviour is not socially acceptable. What drives me up the wall is not so much the behaviour itself but the fact that the parents seem to think it is totally acceptable.

We are having serious problems with our neighbours because of that. Our garden are back to back, but our is long and narrow, so the distance between their garden and our lounge is short. The kids who are around 4, 7 and 12 are not bad kids from what I can gather, but somehow, they seem to think it is ok to constantly scream and shout to the top of their lungs every single day. It seems that their parents have given them the message that it is ok to let it all out in the garden and pay no regards to the fact that they are surrended by other houses and flats. I am not talking about a bit of laughing and occasional higher voice, I am talking about shrieking non stop when the noise makes your heart beats faster and it becomes so stressful, we prefer to stay indoor with all the windows shut then having to hear it. We have made comments about respecting neighbours, but it resulted in being totally ignored. I just don't get it!

geerex

Tlg1991 wrote: »

The problem is, and i may get a few people who frown upon this i don't know but the people who would normally have a functional family with kids that do as they are told can't afford to have kids or a family these days. the only people who can afford to have families are people who don't work and will get everything paid for them. and they can't look after themselves or take care of their own lifes, how do you expect them to look after a child.

My cousin has never held a job down in his life takes money from everyone especially a vulnerable grandad and he has a little kid which i can't believe, where as on the other hand im a year younger i work in a very good job with very good money especially for my age and i am only just affording to by my first house, and this is a scrape. there is nothing I'd love more than to be able to start my own family but financially i can't see it being possible for a while.

Tlg1991 wrote: »

I bet i can guess who they would have pointed the finger at if there would have been a crash and something happened to there children as well.

Very good job with very good money but can't tell the difference between "there" and "their". I smell bs.

gayleygoo

Children are not made to "sit nicely". I would not expect any child to sit quietly for more than about 10 minutes. If we go out we try to make sure our children's activities and noise (sorry, there will be a little bit) does not bother others overly so. I bring colouring books, a toy or two, and we play I-spy etc, and leave when they are starting to play up.

fizz

OP, so happy that Spinkz has told you about this forum.

fizz.x

LilElvis

geerex wrote: »

Very good job with very good money but can't tell the difference between "there" and "their". I smell bs.

Do you ever post anything, other than to pick holes in grammar and spelling? Obviously there are the racist ones too, but they end up being deleted by the moderators. What do you actually gain from reading and posting on this site, other than the need to offload bile?

Slinky

On a train a couple of weeks back, a boy, probably about 10 with his mum asked for something, his mother said do you want the Notebook, yes please he said. I was expecting some electronic gadget to be produced, but no, out came a paper notebook and pens, he proceeded to draw for a while with some input from her, then they had a game of hangman. Very refreshing to see the interaction between parent and child. Shockingly rare though.

Tlg1991

geerex wrote: »

Very good job with very good money but can't tell the difference between "there" and "their". I smell bs.

I am a design engineer so my job consists of numbers and maths, not grammar / spelling so I think I will be okay for the time being.

Dark_elf

I recently made the effort to go out with friends for a meal. There were about five couples, three of whom had young children. They basically let them run around and the reason seemed to be because (a) they [the parents] were really tired and (b) the children were ‘cute’ chasing each other about. We were there till after nine pm.

A part of me wanted to point out that each time you tell little bobby ‘no, don’t run over there’ and he runs over there with no consequence, all you are teaching him is that he can ignore you.

There was a story I read in one of those Stephen Covey books – I am not sure if it was the author or he was recalling an anecdote he had heard. He was on the tube and there was a dad staring into space while his two children ran about. Someone said quite sternly ‘can you keep control of those children!’ The dad snapped out of it and said ‘oh, we have just come from the hospital where my wife died a few days ago to make final arrangements, we are all just in shock and don’t know how to deal with it’.

What I am saying is that when you see bad behaviour, no, in all likelihood there has not just been a major life event causing the behaviour. Nine times out of ten it is just selfish lazy parenting But on occasion there is more to the picture than you can see. You will find a parent battling with depression, or marriage breakdown. Sometimes there is some underlying medical condition. I have known of a boy with a limited life expectancy whose parents spoiled him rotten as he did not have long to live ‘and they wanted him to have a good time’ , but he did not look obviously poorly so you would just think he was an indulged brat if you did not know.