How to deal with this/the lost art of "sitting nicely"

gabriel1980

There are so many bad parents out there these days that think nothing off letting their kids run around like idiots. I'd give them a quick and quiet kick if they came near me.

GracieP

Hedgehog99 wrote: »

When I was little, if necessary, I was gently steered out of other people's way.

Now, parents let their toddlers wobble on ten metres ahead, expecting everyone else on a busy pavement to make way.

No wonder they grow up thinking the world revolves around them.

But if you think that the toddlers, who are also people on the pavement, should have to make way for you how is that any different? I'm seriously confused, whether we are 2, 42 or 82 we are all people. If a toddler gets in your way they will grow up to think the world revolves around them. But if you get in a toddler's way that's not you thinking the world revolves around you, that's just right and proper? Really? Seems like a massive double standard. Worse in fact as I was raised to believe that an able bodied person should always make way for those less well able. And that would include young people who by your own description of 'wobbling' are only learning to walk and so would be a less well able than the able bodied adults to whom the 'inconvenience' of stepping around a new walker would be imperceptible if it wasn't an affront to their own centre of the solar system status.

LilElvis

Whilst it's easy to blame parents for the unruly behaviour of their offspring there is another group of people who must bear some responsibility. The grandparents. Had they done a better job of bringing up their children then they, in turn, would have made better parents.

BarryBlue

GracieP wrote: »

But if you think that the toddlers, who are also people on the pavement, should have to make way for you how is that any different? I'm seriously confused, whether we are 2, 42 or 82 we are all people. If a toddler gets in your way they will grow up to think the world revolves around them. But if you get in a toddler's way that's not you thinking the world revolves around you, that's just right and proper? Really? Seems like a massive double standard. Worse in fact as I was raised to believe that an able bodied person should always make way for those less well able. And that would include young people who by your own description of 'wobbling' are only learning to walk and so would be a less well able than the able bodied adults to whom the 'inconvenience' of stepping around a new walker would be imperceptible if it wasn't an affront to their own centre of the solar system status.

I think you miss the point totally. Nobody is concerned about little children who are learning to walk under parental supervision. The issue is when parents have not socialised their children to be able to behave in a civilised manner in places like pubs and restaurants.

When I was a child I was expected to behave properly and not be a nuisance. Running around in a restaurant was an absolute non-starter. The same was expected of my daughter when she was a child. It is responsible parenting and shows some respect and consideration for others.

The simple truth is that children should be under control of their parents for their own safety and for the benefit of everyone. It seems that a certain type of parent is incapable of this and they are content for their brats to ruin the enjoyment of everyone else. If children are not socialised they should not be in restaurants unless they are just low-grade dumps like McDonalds.

Indie_Kid

Mayflower10cat wrote: »

At another table, a Mum with a young child in a buggy is sitting down. Their food arrives, she takes the child out of the buggy onto her lap. The junior pizza is cut up neatly and the child helps itself as Mum is chatting away to the child whilst eating a sandwich. A story is told about the pizza with much giggling from the child. They finish eating, child is put back in the buggy with a soft picture book to read. Off they go, plates stacked up on the table after a quick wipe round with a paper napkin and Mum looking back to check they haven't made a mess/left anything behind.


Hmmm!!!!!

I find it sad that you don't see or hear this much nowadays.

bossymoo

LilElvis wrote: »

Whilst it's easy to blame parents for the unruly behaviour of their offspring there is another group of people who must bear some responsibility. The grandparents. Had they done a better job of bringing up their children then they, in turn, would have made better parents.

And when grandparents are looking after the children themselves.

Took my kiddies to a local attraction yesterday, they are 6 and 4. Another little girl - about 2.5 - decided she wanted to stand wherever my youngest stood. As in actually on her feet. She was with who I assume was her grandparents. Said child then started to kick my little girl. OK, I get that she's a toddler, but mine is only 4, it's hardly acceptable that she gets kicked, even if it is by a smaller child. Twice I asked the woman to move her, in the end I had to say "will you look, she is kicking her now!" Before they even attempted to act.

Of course the child just screeched and lashed out when the woman tried to move her. I had to put myself in between my child and her - and the look on the woman's face was priceless, it was almost saying "but she's so adorable, isn't she?"

Won't be so adorable when she's 8 and boots you in the shins, love!

BigAunty

I remember being on a long bus journey across the UK.

There were children running about on the lower deck, shouting, sitting in different seats, just being a bit raucous and restless.

The bus driver stopped and asked passengers where their parents were but nobody responded and the children wouldn't say.

Eventually, he discovered their mother was on the upper desk listening to music on headphones. He was very annoyed at their lack of supervision.

Tlg1991

The problem is, and i may get a few people who frown upon this i don't know but the people who would normally have a functional family with kids that do as they are told can't afford to have kids or a family these days. the only people who can afford to have families are people who don't work and will get everything paid for them. and they can't look after themselves or take care of their own lifes, how do you expect them to look after a child.

My cousin has never held a job down in his life takes money from everyone especially a vulnerable grandad and he has a little kid which i can't believe, where as on the other hand im a year younger i work in a very good job with very good money especially for my age and i am only just affording to by my first house, and this is a scrape. there is nothing I'd love more than to be able to start my own family but financially i can't see it being possible for a while.

Tlg1991

BigAunty wrote: »

I remember being on a long bus journey across the UK.

There were children running about on the lower deck, shouting, sitting in different seats, just being a bit raucous and restless.

The bus driver stopped and asked passengers where their parents were but nobody responded and the children wouldn't say.

Eventually, he discovered their mother was on the upper desk listening to music on headphones. He was very annoyed at their lack of supervision.

I bet i can guess who they would have pointed the finger at if there would have been a crash and something happened to there children as well.

GracieP

BarryBlue wrote: »

I think you miss the point totally. Nobody is concerned about little children who are learning to walk under parental supervision. The issue is when parents have not socialised their children to be able to behave in a civilised manner in places like pubs and restaurants.

The post I quoted says absolutely nothing about pubs are restaurants and is specifically about the pavement. Tbh, I don't think children belong in pubs at all, unless it's specifically a family pub with a play area or in the function room for a family party. Whether the kids are running riot or are cowed into sitting quietly while their parents drink the afternoon away, it's bad parenting. As a teenager I used to work in a shop beside a pub and on Sunday afternoons some of our main customers were kids who'd been given a pound to go buy some sweets so they'd sit down and be quiet while their parents drank. They were so bored it was heartbreaking. Every hour or so they'd come in with more money some friend or relative had given them but they had no enthusiasm for the treats they were buying as it wasn't a treat to them. A lot of them would spend ages at the till just chatting to me and the resignation on their faces when they'd head back into the pub was so sad. And these were nice middle class kids from respectable families. They sure sat quietly and didn't bother anyone but it was still a case of bad parenting.

I do developmentally appropriate things with my child. We mostly only go to family cafes with play areas or if we are in a standard cafe/restaurant we make sure it is one where we will eat quickly and with variety, so we leave long before he gets bored. The first time he'll spend an afternoon in a pub is when he's an adult and it's his idea of a nice way to spend his time.