we think our flatmate is stealing from us....(long)

sexki11en

My EOH and I had this problem about 2 years ago with a housemate (are we allowed to name and shame? I know now he's done it before and since and people need to be warned)He was cashing our cheques and even paid the deposit to move in with my partners own cheque! (He paid it in through one of those automatic things in the bank)He had mobile phones, a computer and catalogues in my XOH's name as well using bills.The police didnt want to know until we went to the cheque cashing shop with ID and made them show us the photo they had on file for my 'XOH' and lo and behold there was our housemate smiling back at us. We asked them to keep the video from the CCTV from the day he opened the account and it wen from there.It ended up going to court but on the day of sentencing he'd done a runner. I have since had contact from a guy who has had exactly the same happen to him and I am trying to help him prove to the police that it was this guy. Unfortunately with actual cash going missing it's harder to prove.Can you not set up a webcam in your room and catch him at it then confront him with the proof?
Edited to say: Sorry, I didnt read right to the end and see now your already going to try the webcam thing

OliveOyl_2

If you know he is stealing, (and I think you do) then don't set a trap, you'll just be giving more of your precious savings away.

I think the advice about locking your money away will not only keep your money safe, but will also give him the message that you know that money is going missing.

As for the rest of the subsidising that you're doing, well I have no idea how you can get round that. We all know who are "users" and "freeloaders" in our own circles, and if they're charming they get away with it for a long time. This probably won't stop until you no longer live together. But it is up to you how long that will take, you either work out how to get rid of him, or you escape yourselves.(so keep on looking after your savings )

Seaxwyn

If he really is a good friend, I disagree with all the other posters, I would bring it up and give him a chance to apologise/explain/come up with a solution for paying it all back.

OK he probably will deny it - but why not give him a chance to own up.

mariejader

just wondering if you flat mate invites friends over?

rayday2

OliveOyl wrote: »

If you know he is stealing, (and I think you do) then don't set a trap, you'll just be giving more of your precious savings away.

I think the advice about locking your money away will not only keep your money safe, but will also give him the message that you know that money is going missing.

As for the rest of the subsidising that you're doing, well I have no idea how you can get round that. We all know who are "users" and "freeloaders" in our own circles, and if they're charming they get away with it for a long time. This probably won't stop until you no longer live together. But it is up to you how long that will take, you either work out how to get rid of him, or you escape yourselves.(so keep on looking after your savings )

This advice is spot on!

fiveyearplan

I'd just get rid of him and find someone else to share with. You obviously don't depend on the money that much if he hasn't paid for 2 1/2 months. What have you got to lose by getting rid?

Good luck I know its not a nice situation to be in. IF you are feeling guilty about chucking him out think of what he's been doing to you - do you think he feels guilty. I was feeling guilty about claiming interest on my bank charges until I thought about the banks - do they feel guilty making these charges and then charges upon charges??? No they don't!

Little_Pickle

just wondering if you flat mate invites friends over?

Never ever ever...

He works shifts too... so he's in the flat a lot when we're not.

I asked OH if we could put the webcam in tonight and he emailed back..

if i can find the install CD for the camera, which will only be in one of two places, we can sort it out tonight. it only records when there's movement in the room, so it won't take up any hard drive space unless there's something to record...

if we put this in we may need to have it in for several weeks, and even then nothing may show up

at the end of the day, we have to forget about what *may* have happened until we've got solid proof, otherwise it'll do our heads in (and it might take weeks or months for solid proof to happen)

he's right I guess... thanks for all of your help guys, and I will defo let you know what happens
LP
xox

Teacher2301

Put something over the cam (without impairing the view) and hide the leads etc - he might nick them as well - did I mention getting a taszer (sp), pit of vipers?

Tao81

• Get a lock fitted immediately (can't believe you haven't had the courage to do this already?!!) How much has someone had the ruddy cheek to 'lift' from you already?!!!!! :eek:

• Don't inform or discuss with flatmate beforehand. (He may be perfectly innocent, but you don't know that for sure!!)

Once the locks in place. Ask him if he has had any valuables or cash go missing from his room or anywhere else in the flat?
Inform him you have and that it's been very distressing.

Whatever you do!.......DON'T GO INTO DETAIL regarding why you have taken such drastic measures to protect yourselves against this type of crime, keep it simple.
Avoid being drawn into discussion on the exact events and the amounts taken, state the case and leave it alone. You have every right to protect your stuff and no-one has the right to make you doubt the validity of your actions; regardless of how much of a good friend they have been whilst living with you (any true friend wouldn't be at all bothered by this action, would empathise for the losses and distress caused to you and fully endorse what your doing, because they would genuinely care for the welfare of you and all that belongs to you.)

Your putting his feelings before your own welfare??!!!!! If you don't do protect yourself from this so......STOP IT RIGHT NOW.
I have been 'mugged' so many times in my life simply because I was so soft and gentle looking after other people as well as myself and often putting their welfare before my needs, that it's now very painful to look back on! Wake up and smell the coffee sweethearts!!...... It doesn't matter how lovely this guy is, I know from past experience that often the most charming types are the most parasitic by nature and will be robbing you dry and stabbing you in the back at exactly the same time as they are being Mr or Mrs nice guy!!!!!
This guy may be perfectly innocent, but you have a right to be able to come home and expect your belongings to be exactly where you left them.

Personally, I'd get the type of lock fitted that I didn't need a key to lock and unlock it and if I could, I'd make sure that whatever I had fitted to my bedroom door, the door would automatically close behind me and the lock kick in without any effort from me.
This way the door will be locked when you are in or out of the room even when it is only you and your flatmate in. After all, how do you know what he gets up to whilst you've lock yourself in the bathroom for a long bath?!! (When I'm in the shower is when I can envisage myself being burgled without knowing it whilst I'm in residence?!!!)

If in the future, he questions why you felt the need for such a state-of-the-art contraption ignore this guilt trap type question, smile sweetly and say "OH! My dad got us a deal on it" or some such comment! (I've learnt from these parasites how to lie with a smile on my face when it involves my own welfare these days!!)
None of anyone's business why you choose to do things the way you do, but I understand that, in such circumstances, it is hard to protect your interests whilst not offending or upsetting what you truely hope and believe to be a genuine friend, as I think most innocent people would take offence at being under suspicion when they know themselves they have been a good honest friend to you!

Very difficult situation I appreciate that, had to deal with plenty myself, but don't make it any more difficult than it is, protect yourself as you see best, do it with conviction and a warm heart and no-one will get hurt.:D

Wishing you and OH the very Best of Luck.xx

twiglet333

I would suggest you stop leaving money lying around when you think he might be dodgy or tempted!!!!!!!!

And I mean that in the nicest way