we think our flatmate is stealing from us....(long)

rayday2

I would buy one of those electronic safes and put it in a wardrobe or something. He will get the message that something is going missing and he is sussed.

Any safe is going to be cheaper than the amount you keep losing. But keep small valuable in it too as you do not know the extent of his problems or why he is having them.

Little_Pickle

Tell the landlord at least about him not paying bills etc. Does he pay rent to you or the landlord?

Maybe you could ask your landlord's agent to contact him about his being late with rent & not paying his share of the bills, rather than confronting him yourselves.

We pay the rent into the landlord's account (no agencys) and my OH set up an account under his name for us all to pay a set amount for bills into. WE all pay the same per month, only our flatmate hasn't paid into the bills account for nearly 3 months, so OH and me are practically carrying him.

We talk to him about this all of the time... 'have you managed to pay the bills account yet?", "sorry mate, but you're a bit late with the bills account" etc etc.

The only way we know that he hasn't been paying rent (he was once 2 1/2 months late) is because our landlord emailed us and asked us to give him a nudge.....

rayday2

In that case he needs the big heav ho no wonder he is a good friend he is on something good.

He can't afford to live in a flat then he needs to move out, harsh but simple.

Millionaire

Little_Pickle wrote: »

thanks guys... we're really stuck.

I know he'll deny it if we ask him... the problem is I just can't imagine him doing it.
Also, we're really close as flatmates and I am gutted that he hasn't come to us asking for help. If he had a problem, then he only had to say.

He knows that I am trying to get debt free and that's the killer. He watches me doing my budgets and I frequently talk to him about the site and how great you all are.

We just don't want to believe it, the first 2 times we could have miscounted, which is why we let it go, but this third time with the ten pound notes... I saw mt OH put in the same as me. We KNOW that we both sat on that bed on Tueday and I put in 2 tens and my OH said 'well, if you are putting in twenty pounds towards our house, then so will I'.

My OH earns double what I do. He has no reason to take the money. He is and always has been completely debt free. So I trust him.

arrggghhh... It's driving me nuts. I really feel like crying. I wish that there was another explaination. I have spoken to my OH 3 times today trying to find some other explaination... I'm gutted as we both think so much of our flat mate.

When you count the amounts why not double check them with your OH and then write a note down on how much is in there. Then you can't make a mistake.

It doesnt matter how nice a person seems on the surface, people don't tell you that they are a thief.

No point confronting the person as they'll just deny it. You could try setting him up. Camcorder, web cam on the money.?

I had a friend at uni who had some stuff going missing from his room. Asked his other housemates and the most nicest one, who denied ever even hearing of the items was the one who had stole them. He only found out by chance when the guy accidently left his door open and my freind walked past and saw the stuff that had gone missing in his bedroom.

Teacher2301

Try looking on google about what you can do about this situation - there are loads of legal advice sites and forums that can help.

I like the idea of a trap posted by ibleedred - a few landmines, anti-personell devices, punji sticks - your choice!

Shineyhappy

I am sorry to hear you are having problems at home, I think if I were in your shoes that I would set up a test.

Count out say 25 pounds in some notes, pound coins and a few 50ps and both you and your OH should double check it and write down the amount. Leave this about and if any of it goes missing this guy has to go. He doesnt sound like a nice guy if you and OH are going short because he is behind with the bills. Although I would make sure you get him up to date with rent/bills before you ask him to leave.

I know it will be really akward (I had this conversation with my ex lodger) and it is really awful and embaressing to talk about money, but it does need to be done. Tell him you cant afford for him to stay there if he falls behind with rent/bill money and he either pays up or gets out!

You dont really have much choice as you say, you cant carry him forever!

smudgemanc26

Oh no thats horrible but to be honest i dont think you could have mis counted 3 times cos once you do it once you become very vigilant to re count it properly so the same mistake doesnt happen twice.

Well like you and the other posters have said if you ask him he'll deny it. I would be inclined to set a trap so you know for sure before you say and do anything about it (even though i think you do already and i think that he has anyway)

What i would do is put some money away like you do take a photograph of it for proof of how much is there with markings on the notes. Write down the date, time and amount of money that you have put into the jar and keep this in a separate place. Get confirmation from your OH so you defo know thats the amount that was in there and set the trap.

What you could always do is make sure you dont move the jar and make sure your OH doesnt move it and put it in a specific place or way around with things maybe in certain places near it again take a photo and if any of these objects move without you and your OH doing it you will know someone has been into your room and has been searching for your money jar.

If the money goes again and the things have been moved you then know for sure its got to be your flat mate thats doing it.

Then you should take action.

Another idea which has just sprung to mind is setting up a video camera although this could be a waste of time as you wont know for sure how long its gonna take him to strike. (Right im stopping now my detective mode is kicking in i think ive been watching one to many PI programmes!

Teacher2301

Another idea - I saw on TV a few months ago - guy set up a webcam and recorded his flat - he caught the burglers - they even joked on camera as they left the webcam - 'I bet he's taping us right now' - if only they knew. Can you do something similar?

Skinted_stodge

wow, this is horrible. i live in a shared house and would be devastated if this happened- not to mention furious! :mad:

as for the shared account, we also do this and if someone doesnt pay in to the account, it is a huge source of tension so i can really sypathise. if it were my housemates, i would calculate exactly what he owes in terms of bills and either email or write to him stating what it is and if you want to, ask whether he 'borrowed' money from your house jar so he has the chance to confess and perhaps even reimburse you for that out of the embarrassment of being found out.... if not, then you aren't worse off and its unlikely to cause a huge row if you phrase it in a friendly rather than agressive way...

give him the chance to sit down with you, but make it clear that you want payment for the money owed and for him to put in 100% of his parts of the bills in future or he's out. it could be a bit like a formal warning?

anyway, whatever you do, it sounds really tough so good luck and well done for staying calm so far because i wouldnt have managed it!

Skinted x

Idiophreak

ibleedred wrote: »

Set a trap.

Both of you leave some money in a jar and go out at the same time, so you both know it is neither of you.

Mark the notes numbers on a piece of paper, and if some is missing call the police and report the theft.

Sorry, but no "friend" would do this to anyone.

I like this idea.

Add in a web-cam and you have some pretty quick proof either way