we think our flatmate is stealing from us....(long)

Little_Pickle

Can you please read this and let us know your thoughts?

my OH and I live with an absolutely lovely guy in a 2 bed rented flat.

Everything is fine and we all get on really, really well.

The problem is that we think he may be stealing from us.

We have had 3 instances in the last month that cause us to think this…

My partner DJ’s (hobby) on boat parties that go up and down the Thames.
He sells his allocation of tickets and when all of the tickets have been sold, he gives the money to the promoter.
Well, for the last boat party (4 weeks ago) my OH counted all of the money he had (for the tickets) and it was lots of change and notes.
I don’t know the exact figure but it was around £260.00.
He left it on the speaker in our room and 2 days later gave the money to the promoter. There was only £210.00.
It was very embarrassing as the promoter called and told him it was short.

We came to the conclusion that my OH must have miscounted and forgot about it. ( even though this doesn’t make sense, because it was tickets to cash but anyway).

Next, we had a party at our flat last weekend. It was a cocktail party and we paid for all the booze (£120.00) and then charged all of our friends £12.00 each to cover the booze.
As there were so many people, we managed to make enough money for us to go to the shops 3 times to stock up on more booze and still have the cash to cover the initial outlay. The amount left at end of the night: £128.00. We left this in our bedroom in a clear plastic bag on Sunday night.
On Tuesday we decided to split the money (Should have been £64.00 each). When we counted there was only £88.00 left.
We assumed that we must have miscounted (again) and split what was there. (£44.00 each).
As we sat on the bed, I reached for our ‘house savings fund jar’ and put into it two £10.00 notes. My OH decided to put two £10.00 notes in too (£40.00 in total) and we both put in all of our change. Should have been about £46.70 in the jar in total.

Last night (I always count the piggy banks every Thursday) I opened the ‘house savings fund jar’ it had all of the change but only three £10.00 notes remaining.
I asked my OH if he had taken a £10.00 note out… he said no. We both can’t believe that this is happening.
We have no evidence that it is our flatmate, but he never pays up for the bills and has been late with the rent many times. He always says how broke he is. No-one else has access to the flat (our landlord lives abroad) and we have the only 3 keys to the flat between us.

What would you do????

katiekittykat

Damn what an awful situation yo be in.

You are going to have to ask him out right, otherwise it will keep happening.

madmoney_2

I would personally confront the bleeder, then threaten him with the police if he doent p[ay u back, u shud also contact ur landlord and let him know whats going on - dont stand for this its theft and its wrong!!!! i know it sounds harsh but do u really want to let someone take ur money???

skint_spice

Move!

It's a difficult situation as he'll probably just deny it anyway and act it up so much that you end up feeling bad for doubting him - something similar happened to me only it was ex taking the money.
I would just make sure all money was safely locked away as he obviously can't help himself.

immoral_angeluk

PErsonally I would get a lock box and keep any money that's going to be left unattended in there and keep the keys on you at all times. If the 'miscounting' stops happening then you know he's been stealing off you.

Seaxwyn

Little Pickle, what a horrible situation.

If you are absolutely convinced there was no mistake each of the three times, and you trust your OH, then I think you have no option but to confront your flatmate. Just say you know what has happened, does he have a problem he needs help with (and direct him to this site if necessary), when and how can he pay the money back. How it goes from there depends on his reaction I guess.

Poor you, what a nightmare thing to have to deal with. Good luck.

Jacks_xxx

What would I do??

First of all I'd only leave cash in my flat under lock and key from now on, and second of all I'd give your flat mate notice.

It might not be him, but the suspicion is going to lead to a breakdown in your relationship so he's got to go.

If you confront him he's either going to say it wasn't him, or confess that it was but he can't afford to pay you back. Either way that money is all gone.

It's rubbish, innit? (I've been through something similar myself.) Sorry chick.

Love Jacks xxx

floss2

I would also suggest getting a cash box with only 2 keys, then you & OH can have 1 key each.

Maybe you could ask your landlord's agent to contact him about his being late with rent & not paying his share of the bills, rather than confronting him yourselves.

ibleedred

Set a trap.

Both of you leave some money in a jar and go out at the same time, so you both know it is neither of you.

Mark the notes numbers on a piece of paper, and if some is missing call the police and report the theft.

Sorry, but no "friend" would do this to anyone.

Teacher2301

If you confront - he'll only deny! But why are you leaving hundreds of pounds around with what is in effect a stranger living in your home, especially when you know he's broke and doesn't pay bills? Tell the landlord at least about him not paying bills etc. Does he pay rent to you or the landlord?

I'd bank the money straight away or put it out of sight at least - in a drawer/ wardrobe, socks!!! - dirty laundry basket!!! Tough one this one!

Little_Pickle

thanks guys... we're really stuck.

I know he'll deny it if we ask him... the problem is I just can't imagine him doing it.
Also, we're really close as flatmates and I am gutted that he hasn't come to us asking for help. If he had a problem, then he only had to say.

He knows that I am trying to get debt free and that's the killer. He watches me doing my budgets and I frequently talk to him about the site and how great you all are.

We just don't want to believe it, the first 2 times we could have miscounted, which is why we let it go, but this third time with the ten pound notes... I saw mt OH put in the same as me. We KNOW that we both sat on that bed on Tueday and I put in 2 tens and my OH said 'well, if you are putting in twenty pounds towards our house, then so will I'.

My OH earns double what I do. He has no reason to take the money. He is and always has been completely debt free. So I trust him.

arrggghhh... It's driving me nuts. I really feel like crying. I wish that there was another explaination. I have spoken to my OH 3 times today trying to find some other explaination... I'm gutted as we both think so much of our flat mate.