Battling Debt and Mental Illness — and (hopefully) Winning!

AspiringButAnxious

Wow, thank you everyone!

32b3 — it probably was me who mentioned a Fitbit, but I honestly can't remember! My mum just got one, so I will mention Bounts to her. No idea if/when I will get my own Fitbit, but it's good to know I can use it to get rewards

Ollie — we do have a lot in common! Lol! Thank you for pointing how how far I've come — I need reminding quite a lot

I think part of me imagines I will get "told off" for turning down paid work, no matter how badly paid and treated I am. Part of the being-on-benefits mentality... Another reason why I want to get off of them ASAP. However, as much as I liked having paying work, I feel better for not having to deal with The Client. Just hope I get paid for what I've written.

I think I'm going to do a lot more thinking and planning this week, to figure out how I can earn a living. I will see what is on Upwork, but will be strict about refusing work which pays less than I'm willing to accept. I need to value myself and letting other people undervalue my skills undermines my self-esteem.

AspiringButAnxious

Super-quiet day today — feeling lethargic and demotivated. However, I did email a careers advisor I know and asked her for any advice or links she can dredge up. She is going to ask around, but already sent me a link for a day-long journalism course at my old college. It's £90 and isn't until March, so definitely affordable. It's aimed at people who already have good writing skills, but want to use those skills to do journalism-type work.

I also read the report that the lady emailed me last Thursday, to prepare for Thurday's meeting. The report mentions a couple of charities who have worked with the organisation that I have previously written stuff for, so my writing samples should be pretty relevant! I'm feeling quietly optimistic about this job prospect; hopefully Thursday will go well and the Chief Officer is going on holiday, so that should work in my favour cos she will probably want to get it sorted before she goes, if possible.

Maybe it's a good time to plan and gather ideas, rather than rush ahead. At least, that's what I'm telling myself!

crazy_cat_lady

Still sounds as though you had a productive day - even if you felt demotivated. You got stuff done... Be kind to yourself.

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks CCL I think maybe I should just aim to do one productive thing per day (maybe 2), so that I don't pressure myself too much, but will still make progress.

Trouble is, I feel like I have lost so many years of my life to mental illness — and continue to lose huge chunks of time to it — that I need to race and catch up inbetween the bad times. I finished my MA 3 years ago and have done so little since then. I want to be able to write reams and reams and submit everything, then have stuff accepted... I feel like everything is moving so slowly.

32b3in2013

Hi AspiringButAnxious

I once heard a saying which went something like

The past is gone, the future is unknown and the present is just that... a present. Enjoy it.

I read this as the past being unchangeable, what you can't change can just be stored in memory. You can plan for the future but not so much that you don't enjoy the present.

Good luck for Thursday, you are using the present to plan for your future

32b3 x

AspiringButAnxious

Thanks 32b3

Yesterday was very good — went to see a friend and her little girls. She liked the birthday present I got her and I like the one she gave me (we were both late in exchanging gifts). I found a good parking space on a residential street near her place. I read a Noddy book several times to her 21-month-old and played lots of games with her nearly-4-year-old. Got home with a rather sore throat from chatting so much, checked KPD account and discovered I've recently sold another 2 copies of one of my ebooks!

Today is good, but I have spent about £20 in Tesco... It includes a book by one of my favourite authors and a BIG stock-up on coke. Plus a few treats Also persuaded my mum to buy the new GBBO book, so I can read that! Lol!

The only thing I've *got* to do today is print out my writing samples to take with me tomorrow. I'm so nervous about the meeting that I can't concentrate on anything, so probably won't get much else done...

charmed1318

Just been reading as I (am 27) suffer with depression, anxiety and recently(ish) diagnosed with cyclothymia and a few years ago manage to rack up some debt, now currently on ESA as well. The improvement in your tone and positivity has a marked improvement since started the diary.

Really just wanted to say GOOD LUCK for tomorrow. Make sure you have everything you need to tomorrow prepared, read through your notes/material maybe one last time. have something good for dinner and get as much rest as possible. Maybe, watch a DVD or something to take your mind off it. Coming across as a bit nervy is better than coming across as cocky. Though it sounds like the meeting is just a formality, and this time tomorrow you will be back at home

Bobarella

Good luck with the meeting ABA you will be amazing!

crazy_cat_lady

Best of luck ABA - remember that confidence is just an act. You can do it!

AspiringButAnxious

Thank you folks The meeting went really well: I get to give it a shot! The job involves formatting, which I don't have much experience in, but I should be able to cope — it will be pretty basic. I will be working on some pages over the next 2 weeks, liaising with the lady I already knew (henceforth known as S), ready to show the CO when she comes back from holiday. All being well, I get to keep going

I'm feeling up for the challenge :j — it's been a while since I felt so inspired. It's a great organisation and a great project, so I'm determined to do well. It will look great on my CV and LinkedIn profile

Today is also my SO day, so another £200 has come off the loan. Feels weird having it done automatically — good and less stressful, but weird. I also ordered a £4 Amazon card from a survey company yesterday and should be able to get a £15 card from ValOps soon. The present buying will pick up pace