Helping a a friend with benefits find a boyfriend - Good idea?

summerspring

Robisere wrote: »

I am left cold by this idea of "f*** buddies". Perhaps it's my age, but throughout my life, in which I had more than one relationship before meeting my dear, loving wife, I have always Made Love as opposed to just Having Sex. I never once had sexual relations with anyone I did not feel love for. I do not understand the way that people nowadays just have sex without meaning. For me sex without love is meaningless, the two should not be separated. I actually feel great pity for anyone who does not realise that.

I am probably going to be criticised here for that, but that is how I feel and at 70 I am not going to change. And no, I am NOT 'past it'; we still make love occasionally and we are still in love.

No criticisms from me! 'Friend with benefits' simply means he's using her and she's putting up with being used because she likes him and she likes the sex. As can be seen by this thread.

Hermia

Robisere wrote: »

I am left cold by this idea of "f*** buddies". Perhaps it's my age, but throughout my life, in which I had more than one relationship before meeting my dear, loving wife, I have always Made Love as opposed to just Having Sex. I never once had sexual relations with anyone I did not feel love for. I do not understand the way that people nowadays just have sex without meaning. For me sex without love is meaningless, the two should not be separated. I actually feel great pity for anyone who does not realise that.

I am probably going to be criticised here for that, but that is how I feel and at 70 I am not going to change. And no, I am NOT 'past it'; we still make love occasionally and we are still in love.

I don't think having sex without meaning is a new thing! My parents, grandparents and older relatives certainly had some interesting stories!

It would not be for me, but I have a friend who is happily in a FWB 'relationship' and is happy. Both she and her friend have all-consuming careers where they are away for long periods of time or travel a lot so they just meet up when they are in the same place.

Prothet_of_Doom

And this is why, back in the days when we were all sexually repressed and frustrated it was so much simpler. If you wanted to have sex, you made friends with a girl, asked her out, dated her, courted her, fell in love, asked her old man, if he wouldn't mind, but you'd like to marry her, if only he could pay something towards the wedding, and eventually, a couple of days into the honeymoon, when you'd both sobered up, you actually got to have sex. About 25 years later, you'd both worked out how to do it better.

As my wife said to our kids "Only have sex with someone, that wants to spend the rest of their lives with you"

To the OP : You are clearly emotionally stunted, and do not deserve the love of this or any woman. Be ashamed. VERY ashamed.

RuthnJasper

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

And this is why, back in the days when we were all sexually repressed and frustrated it was so much simpler. If you wanted to have sex, you made friends with a girl, asked her out, dated her, courted her, fell in love, asked her old man, if he wouldn't mind, but you'd like to marry her, if only he could pay something towards the wedding, and eventually, a couple of days into the honeymoon, when you'd both sobered up, you actually got to have sex. About 25 years later, you'd both worked out how to do it better.

As my wife said to our kids "Only have sex with someone, that wants to spend the rest of their lives with you"

To the OP : You are clearly emotionally stunted, and do not deserve the love of this or any woman. Be ashamed. VERY ashamed.

I neither condone nor condemn the OP, but I DO agree with this. You should write a book, sir.

Randomjargon

#lad#banter

C_Mababejive

Bathe her and send her 'round here,but only if she is less than size 16,no tattoos, doesnt smoke or do drugs and reasonably well educated

seven-day-weekend

Just break the relationship now. Not just the sex bit. ALL of it. She has feelings for you and wants to take it further and will not be able to get on with her life until you are out of the picture.

Agree with others about these casual relationships, end in tears, on the whole.

Gavin83

Robisere wrote: »

I am left cold by this idea of "f*** buddies". Perhaps it's my age, but throughout my life, in which I had more than one relationship before meeting my dear, loving wife, I have always Made Love as opposed to just Having Sex. I never once had sexual relations with anyone I did not feel love for. I do not understand the way that people nowadays just have sex without meaning. For me sex without love is meaningless, the two should not be separated. I actually feel great pity for anyone who does not realise that.

I am probably going to be criticised here for that, but that is how I feel and at 70 I am not going to change. And no, I am NOT 'past it'; we still make love occasionally and we are still in love.

I think the world has changed if this was the case. It's very easy for most people to separate the love side and the physical aspect. Sex feels nice and it's fun, you don't have to love the other person.

Also if used the phrase 'made love' now with my girlfriend I'd be laughed at!

summerspring wrote: »

No criticisms from me! 'Friend with benefits' simply means he's using her and she's putting up with being used because she likes him and she likes the sex. As can be seen by this thread.

I really think it's unfair to say he's used her. She knew the arrangement and he can't be seen as the bad guy just because it hasn't worked out the way she hoped. I'm assuming she always liked him and hoped that by having sex with him he'd fall for her too. She essentially took a gamble and lost. However he wasn't to know this and I don't see how he can be held to blame. Both adults have their own minds and have to take responsibility for their own actions.

Prothet_of_Doom wrote: »

To the OP : You are clearly emotionally stunted, and do not deserve the love of this or any woman. Be ashamed. VERY ashamed.

This comment is totally unfair. It's as much her responsibility as his. There's no need to put people down in such an arrangement just because personally you wouldn't do it.

heuchera

Cubanista wrote: »

i have a friend with benefits arrangement going on, but recently after we slept together she started getting emotional and crying, so naturally i felt a bit awkward, then she admitted that she doesn't like the thought of just being f*** buddies with a guy, so i was trying to reassure her about it all and told her if she wants a proper relationship then it's cool by me.

i even suggested to her that i would help her find a good guy because i would like nothing more than for her to be happy ....

I've a feeling that's probably not quite what she meant :cool:

It sounds like you are trying to palm her off onto someone else, which suggests that she's getting too 'heavy' and is now becoming a burden to you.

Gavin83

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

Agree with others about these casual relationships, end in tears, on the whole.

I've had a few FWB situations and none have ended in tears. One of the situations did actually end in a relationship but the others had a very fixed ending established before anything happened so maybe thats the key and also everyone knew exactly what they were entering into.