Helping a a friend with benefits find a boyfriend - Good idea?

Cubanista

i have a friend with benefits arrangement going on, but recently after we slept together she started getting emotional and crying, so naturally i felt a bit awkward, then she admitted that she doesn't like the thought of just being f*** buddies with a guy, so i was trying to reassure her about it all and told her if she wants a proper relationship then it's cool by me.

i even suggested to her that i would help her find a good guy because i would like nothing more than for her to be happy as we have known each other a good while now and see each other every week, give or take, so i wouldn't feel comfortable to continue this arrangement if she genuinely wants something more; something i cannot provide her with at this moment in time.

I was honest from the start that i did not want anything serious, and that i have many things that i want to pursue that involve me being selfish, so i have no time for a relationship and committing so much time to someone. She hasn't had much luck via online dating, and because we do hang out and go places, so i said next time she sees a guy she likes, i will go up to him and introduce her to him then see how things go.

Do you think this is a good idea?

Guest101

I suspect she wanted a relationship with you.

Think you should stop sleeping with her now. Clearly this isnt what she wants.

fairy_lights

No I think it's a terrible idea. If you don't want a relationship and she does then you need to cut your ties with her to let her move on. If you suddenly go from being her whatever-you-are to being her wing man things are going to get weird and complicated.

FBaby

Don't be ridiculous, do you really think you introducing her to random blocks is going to help her?

She clearly is not happy with the situation, either because she wants more from you, or just want a relationship with a boyfriend. You can't give her that, so let her be. Remain distant friends if you want, but no more seeing each other every week, staying at each other's place, and no letting her on. Go and find another friend with benefits.

Cubanista

okay, but I don't want to cut ties with her. I have told her that I would like to remain friends (without benefits) because she is a good person and we get on well. I don't want to just dismiss her like that. i suppose it sounds a bit crazy when i say i will just introduce her to a stranger, but i mean she has no luck on dating sites (she told me this) and the only other places are bars/clubs which she rarely ventures to. i just thought i could help her in some way to find someone because even though we've been fwb, i still would like to see her happy as she is a great person who i adore. she is someone i would consider being in a relationship with, but i don't want things to end up going sour because i then cannot commit enough time to seeing her. i am a bit torn on the situation and not sure what to do.

SailorSam

And what are you going to do
Walk up to some random guy in the pub and say .......... This is my Fbuddy, do you want a go ?

gabriel1980

yeah it sounds like she's into you, so until she's over you, another future relationship is doomed. I can understand that you get on well, but she's going to feel friend-zoned. Just wait until you find someone you're into, what's going to happen to her then?!

Alikay

Cubanista wrote: »

I have told her that I would like to remain friends (without benefits) because she is a good person and we get on well.

If I was sleeping with a man and wanted a more committed relationship with him, him coming out with this sentence would break my heart.

Personally I think "friends with benefits" is a terrible idea. Casual sex (safely, obv) or within a proper exclusive relationship is fairer on everyone.

RuthnJasper

Cubanista wrote: »

okay, but I don't want to cut ties with her. I have told her that I would like to remain friends (without benefits) because she is a good person and we get on well. I don't want to just dismiss her like that. i suppose it sounds a bit crazy when i say i will just introduce her to a stranger, but i mean she has no luck on dating sites (she told me this) and the only other places are bars/clubs which she rarely ventures to. i just thought i could help her in some way to find someone because even though we've been fwb, i still would like to see her happy as she is a great person who i adore. she is someone i would consider being in a relationship with, but i don't want things to end up going sour because i then cannot commit enough time to seeing her. i am a bit torn on the situation and not sure what to do.

Sadly, I think that this girl is going to have her heart broken.

I was a "friend offering the benefits" to a guy I fell for in a major way. Obviously he wanted the benefits but only on the informal "arrangement". Because he wasn't clear with me, I was strung along for a few years and devastated at ultimately having no option but to sever all contact with him. Awful.

If you "adore" her, why aren't you at least prepared to offer her the choice of accepting you despite your not being able to commit as much time as you feel you ought?

I think you need to have a sensible discussion about this together - and in a coffee shop or a pub, so you don't end up in bed. Good luck.

bluenoseam

Even from me who has next near to zero ability to sense emotion I can see this is way the wrong situation to have gotten into to start with. From what you've said she's someone who struggles to meet suitable partners & told you as much, yet was willing to get into a FWB situation. HELLOOOOOOOO didn't you hear the alarm bells there?

I think you need to ask her if she's really got feelings for you & if the answer is yes then I think it's time to end the FWB situation immediately. As things stand I wouldn't be promising anything other than honesty & even then, I think it'd be better for all involved if you take a big back seat.

Missyhenry

If you must introduce her to people (which does seem a bad idea) don't you have any nice single friends?