I WILL get there!!

Tinkerbelle2000

Hi Kirsty. Sending my love to you. I know how hard that decision must have been.

You know what I went through and it hurt like hell even though it was for the best.

You are a very strong lady and even though your path might change you will get to a good place.

Take care hunnie.

Tink xx

AspiringButAnxious

Sending you love and positive thoughts *hugs* For what it's worth, I think you have made the right decision. It's obviously a scary and tumultuous time, but the long term gains will be worth the pain. It might be worth seeing if your GP can refer you to a counsellor — I got counselling through a local chairty which only takes people via doctors' referrals, so there might be something similar in your area.

If not, it would still be valuable to see a counsellor privately despite the expense; even a few sesssions can make a huge difference. You could consider it an investment in yourself and your (happy, fulfilling) future. I know it's counter-intuitive, since reducing your debt any which way you can has been a focus for so long, but life isn't as simple as numbers on a spreadsheet. You have to protect and nurture yourself first and foremost.

Counselling can help you through this period of enormous change and if not make it easier, at least give you support. It can help you grieve for your relationship and the future you previously envisioned, as well as assisting you in creating a map to decide where to go from here. Simply talking to someone who will listen, who doesn't have any emotional involvement in your life and who will be honest in their responses is invaluable. It certainly helped me realise a lot of things, despite being sceptical about whether it could help me.

Whatever the future holds, good luck

PositiveBalance

Hi Kirsty,

Sorry I never replied to your lovely reply but it has been a bit hectic here to say the least. It doesn't look like it has been any better on your side, either.

kirtsypoos wrote: »

I'm not in a good place at the moment. I've spent 2 days thinking none stop about what to do, and had a chat with a very harsh friend. The outcome is that last night I finished with OH. I feel completely numb. I immediately felt like it was the wrong decision but what's done is done, I can't mess us both around changing my mind. It's not fair.

I can feel my old shop and eat for comfort coming back on with a vengeance, it's my only coping mechanism. Not a bad thing since a number of years ago, self harm was the weapon of choice and I would rather get a bit fatter and have an extra bit of debt to pay off than have any more scars but I'm scared.
Scared of my own mental state, of how OH is. I know eventually we will both be fine. I just don't know what to do.

Sorry for the miserable miserable post but I can't bring myself to be anything but at the moment.

You don't have to 'be' anything other than how you are. I think feeling numb and scared is completely normal once you have just made a massive life decision.

kirtsypoos wrote: »

It was going well but we both have issues with our relationship and I think I paid too much attention to everyone else's opinions. And then I had a really bad day at work, got home and his friend had done nothing around the house and still hasn't paid anything and I just lost it.

I decided that him letting his friend be disrespectful to our home and our life was a slight against me, and that he should have sorted it.

Right now I feel like I let the anger I felt because of everything going on elsewhere take the forefront and I just said enough. I'm devastated.

I'm not saying it's completely the wrong decision at the moment. It's too early to tell, I just think I made it for the wrong reasons.

AspiringButAnxious wrote: »

It's obviously a scary and tumultuous time, but the long term gains will be worth the pain. It might be worth seeing if your GP can refer you to a counsellor — I got counselling through a local chairty which only takes people via doctors' referrals, so there might be something similar in your area.

If not, it would still be valuable to see a counsellor privately despite the expense; even a few sesssions can make a huge difference. You could consider it an investment in yourself and your (happy, fulfilling) future. I know it's counter-intuitive, since reducing your debt any which way you can has been a focus for so long, but life isn't as simple as numbers on a spreadsheet. You have to protect and nurture yourself first and foremost.

Counselling can help you through this period of enormous change and if not make it easier, at least give you support. It can help you grieve for your relationship and the future you previously envisioned, as well as assisting you in creating a map to decide where to go from here. Simply talking to someone who will listen, who doesn't have any emotional involvement in your life and who will be honest in their responses is invaluable. It certainly helped me realise a lot of things, despite being sceptical about whether it could help me.

Whatever the future holds, good luck

This. A thousand times this. Much as being debt-free is important for you and has been a massive goal of yours for a long time I would totally recommend this. Your debt will be gone in a relatively short period of time whether you have counselling (hopefully free, but if not then paid for - bite the bullet) or not, but you need your peace of mind. Bearing in mind about what you said about previous self-harming issues it seems like a good decision.

It may change your life - I had some and it did for me!

Your peace of mind is the most important thing you can ever have. Knowing that made the right choices for you, however difficult they may have been to make at the time is paramount in life (see the bold bit). Everything else - debt busting included - comes second.

Think about it. If you decide you want to go ahead and can't get it through the NHS there's a charity called Mind that works in areas close to me that charges very reasonable rates and I think they work all over the country. Perhaps you could find see if they are near to you?

There's no doubt that this is a rubbish time for you but remember that you deserve to have a fulfilled life and AspiringbutAnxious said, the numbers on a page are only part of that, and not even the most important part for you as you said a few pages back.

All the best. xxx

kirtsypoos

Hi all,

Just a quick note to say - Thanks for all lovely supportive comments.

Head still all over the place but this mornings PAD meant I dipped under the 10K mark so I'm feeling very proud at the moment

crazy_cat_lady

Well done at getting under 10k Kirsty. :j
I have been thinking about you and wondering how you are getting along. Lots of love x

Tinkerbelle2000

Hi Kirsty :wave:

Glad to see you posting today and well done on getting below £10k :j:j

I still haven't had the courage to add mine up, but I will before the weekend is out.

Stay in touch hun, we are here whenever you need to offload.

Take care.

Tink xx

Kitten868

So impressed with you getting sub 10 despite everything. Thinking of you lovely xxx

Orange_Ena

Hope you're Ok Kirsty, sorry things have been tough.

Congratulations though on the debt going sub 10k, brilliant effort

PositiveBalance

Hi Kirsty,

Well done on being sub-£10k! :j

Well done on managing to get through the rest. x

AspiringButAnxious

Congratulations on getting under £10k :j

You are doing incredibly well, even if it doesn't feel like it a lot of the time