I WILL get there!!

crazy_cat_lady

Pleased to hear that things are moving on for you. Sounds as though you've been mad busy over the past few days.
I will be completely honest with you - I struggled massively with dd when she was a baby. Becoming a parent is a shock to the system that nobody can prepare you for (in my opinion). It took me 3 years to get over it and decide I wanted another one. DS was such an easy baby though - I used to just bung him in the sling and get on with my day (dh was really ill just after he was born so ds had to be fairly adaptable). My biological clock has definitely stopped now though - little ones completely freak me out (I was never completely comfortable in the company of teeny kids). When they are your own though you find different level of patience and love.
Hope you're feeling better now after your gardening experience. :eek:

Bobarella

If you ever have your god daughter again I highly recommend borrowing a sling so you can just wear her and get on. My daughter lives in it. I even feed her in it. She's light enough that I can do all the housework and she happily falls asleep in it so if she naps I can sit down for a bit too. Worth every penny!

Edited to say how funny Cat and I are saying the same thing on slings

crazy_cat_lady

Ooh - great minds Bob

kirtsypoos

Love the sling idea - I've been trying to convince my sister that it's the way forward when her LO arrives, if she's not feeling it I might just pick one up for myself - between my god daughter, and the fact that my niece/nephew and my best friends LO are due within 10 days of each other, I'm sure it will get some good wear....and will be there if I ever need it

I have been talking to OH a bit, and we've discussed a realistic timeline (getting over this blip dependant) and the fact that I think 1 might be the magic number for us, for a few reasons:

1) Maternity pay will be a struggle for us once, twice might be too much of a stretch
2) With OHs parents being the other side of the World, saving enough for 4 people to visit every couple of years won't be possible
3) I've always dreamed of having kids, but the older I get, the more I realise that I actually like my life (not so much during this debt busting times) but being able to go for a meal when we want, and if we stretch our finances too much that will go down the pan too....worth it, I know but we want a compromise. I know this will naturally evolve after child/ren arrive, but even nipping up to the pub for a cheap meal will still be possible money-wise with one child, possibly not with two.
4) I worked out nursery costs a couple of weeks ago, and to cover the hours I work we are looking at £1000+ a month for the first, which wont change until the start of the free hours, but even then it will still be a massive chunk of budget and we can't afford that twice. Equally, with OH on the wage he is on, we can't afford for me not to work.

Obviously all this is dependant on our jobs, whether we stay at the same places or whether we move on and get better salaries and better benefits. One of the things I'm looking for in my next job is an enhanced maternity package. Anyway, enough thoughts of the distant future, and more time needed thinking about the immediate future!

Bobarella

If you really want to get into it I'd recommend researching Attachment parenting. Sling wearing is a big part of it. Bedtime reading

Interesting to read all your points. It's such a personal choice family number isn't it.

kirtsypoos

AP looks really interesting Bob - I'm not convinced all of it would be to my liking (co-sleeping is a big no for me....although that could change if/when it happens!) but there are certainly aspects which mimic how I hope to raise my child/ren anyway.

It really is. When I was younger I always wanted at least 3, preferably 4 and while I still would love that sort of size family deep down, I don't think it's financially possible on paper without giving up a lot of the things that I look forward to for my DF life, I intend to move on to the MFW board when I'm DF for starters. And it isn't only my decision to make - if all goes well, OH will have made a massive turnaround regards children - he wanted none, I wanted 4 so 1 or 2 is a good compromise I think!

Bobarella

I think it's like anything. Take the bits that work for you and leave the rest. Unless you are a Gina Ford mum and then it has to be 100% at all times.

I'm hoping to do MFW as well. So maybe see you there the world is our oyster Kirsty!

kirtsypoos

That's true. I think finding any sort of life philosophy that 100% works for you is rare, so I like the idea of chopping and changing to suit.

It is indeed Bob! You're so close to your target, are you planning to go MFW as soon as your amount is cleared?

Bobarella

Humm good question. I think I'd like to work on a larger cash cushion and MFW at the same time. I am self employed and the worry of never knowing my income can be stressful.
But considering I've been rolling £300 a month and above at this debt for months it should provide a good amount to split to both aims.
Plus the heating bill is about to go down and I plan to go SIM only on both our mobiles which I'd estimate will save us around another £100 a month.. so hopefully a good amount to get going with.

kirtsypoos

I think that sounds like a really good plan Bob, you'll be there before you know it! Great news on the sim only and heating bill reduction, these things add up so quickly!

I'm planning to start throwing a chunk of my debt repayments to the mortgage when I'm DF, but not the whole lot - I want to start planning/saving for maternity leave (hopefully!)

Any debt we have in the future will be strictly house related - ie a new kitchen.