I WILL get there!!

kirtsypoos

Thanks CCL - sometimes it just helps to know that people are reading if that makes sense!

I've been looking at moving to a smaller property but have some landlord issues and trying to save for a new deposit is difficult at the moment, I'm so focused on debt busting I don't like the idea of having any money in the bank that isn't going to pay rent/bills or debts! Plus the property I live in (whilst not kept well by the landlord, partly the reason) is a 3 bed, and the 2 beds locally are the same price so it's a lot of added expense to move for the sake of one room (I'm already strict with the heating - the spare/dressing room isn't heated ever! It doesn't even have a bulb in, although that will change as the mornings get darker! so it won't be saving much on bills etc)

Bobarella

Kirsty really sorry you are feeling down and flat. Honestly, it is the debt free way I think. I read so many posts, and recognise the feelings you describe, where others are talking about the same thing.

I think its because we all want out from under it, asap, but it cant be done asap, unless a wind fall etc comes our way. In your case too with the fact you are trying to deal with what has been a massive shock to you, the fertility issues, I can see why you are feeling shaken.

I think as Cat Lady wisely says, relationships are a bit about keeping in there and keeping going. Unless there is a major reason not to of course.
I moved in with my OH after 6 months because 2 London homes was not something we wanted to keep paying out for. It isnt the most romantic reason, but lets be real here, life is a lot about finances isnt it?
16 years, 1 child & soon to be 2, and we are still together, & like Cat Lady says, it isnt all hearts and flowers, but we manage, & I still think he's amazing. Thats not to say man cleaning, tidying & general being a man ness are not annoying to live with....but you get the drift.
Hang in there you really are doing all you can.

Bob

kirtsypoos

Thank you all for your lovey support, it's been such a massive help. I suffer with depression anyway (prozac was my best friend for many years) in fact I think my mental health was a massive component of me getting into so much debt, and also burying my head in the sand. I sometimes have these days where I just feel like everything is getting on top of me. I have a stressful job too, which doesn't always help - everything feels a bit out of my control and I hate that feeling!

I've just had some wonderful cheer me up help from my lovely OH, who is not only cooking dinner so I can have a break, but started paying back the money he borrowed and it's meant I have just paid off my first CC that didn't involve a balance transfer!! :j:j:j:j
I'm so pleased! Although it hasn't completely removed the rubbish feelings, I feel much happier knowing that one is paid off.
I also cancelled a CC I got months ago and never used which was showing on my credit file.

Bobarella

Fantastic that the day has got better for you. OH sounds like he is doing a good job of being kind and helpful. Horray about the CC!

kirtsypoos

Thanks Bob, I forgot to say a big thank you to you and CCL for your relationship thoughts, although I know it won't all be hearts and flowers it does help to hear it from people who have been through the 'unromantic' moving in decision. I guess I need to start relying on my head as well as my heart - the best things come out of planning and what makes sense!

crazy_cat_lady

Well said Bob - particularly the bit where you called me wise...
You will get there, honestly. There was one point in our relationship where I think we only stayed together because we couldn't afford to separate - but I'm pleased now because we worked things out. You'd be surprised how many 'perfect' relationships are far from it.

kirtsypoos

You make a good point, as always

I know everyone goes through tough times, it's just a case of making it work because we both want to, and that's half the battle I'm sure.

OH saw how excited I was to have paid my CC off and said how proud he is of me, which was lovely to hear. (He also regularly says things like 'we still need to live, you can't not enjoy yourself' which was annoying me a bit but we've decided to have a few treats a month (each of our paydays) so we don't feel hard done to, but still very much on debt busting track. I know that might sound silly to some when I have so much debt, but I do have to remember that he doesn't have any, and I can't expect him to sit at home eating beans with me for the next few years. If it takes a little longer and we still enjoy ourselves and have 'us' time, so be it.

It's also going to be a big help with money now he's moved in, in the short term anyway (it's a bit complicated but I live with a housemate already, who is moving out in a few months, at which point I'll be back to paying what I pay now. In the meantime I'm committed to putting all the rent that OH gives me, that I'm not used to having, towards my debts)

I also have a car insurance cashback due shortly, fingers crossed, so that will also go to it. I'm aiming to get to £20,000 by Christmas which is an aim I've put in place without really working out if it's doable so I'm sitting down tonight with my spreadsheets (haven't quite got the hang of YNAB yet...) and will hopefully have a realistic total by tomorrow!

In the meantime I've decided to take a little bit out of my savings account...not that there's much in there! to make an extra payment to very to keep the momentum of yesterday going! (It is nearly payday so I'm doing ok anyway)

Thanks for reading my ramblings again!

Bobarella

I think £20,000 by Xmas is doable, and even if it isnt, you'll end closer to it than not if that makes sense. Keep going, keep PADing to, its a great motivator I think.

kirtsypoos

I am loving the PADing - I get excited about checking the bank and seeing how much I saved out of my grocery budget for example and paying that toward my debt paid £1.77 out of grocery budget as we ate meat out of the freezer 2 nights this week. My next MBNA repayment comes out tomorrow - the day before payday which isn't ideal, but it's budgeted for and waiting for the DD to take it that will bring my totals down again, happy days!

I have shocked myself recently, I used to see an amount sitting in the bank and wonder for a second whether to pay extra off a debt but instead would decide to 'treat' myself (or more often, someone else) Now I see it and think about how much it would bring my total debt down to - a massive improvement for me and long may it continue!

The more I try to bring my debt down, the more I think about how I got here. As I mentioned before my illness and depression hasn't helped - months of covering living expenses with credit cards took their toll but after that I had no control over myself, and often it wasn't stuff for me I was overspending on. I have a habit of going above and beyond for christmas/birthdays and just 'thinking of you' presents, especially for OH. It was his birthday not long ago, and already owing a fortune I should really have cut back, instead I bought him a PS4 and took him for a (lovely) but extremely expensive meal that I couldn't afford...I cringe when I think about it now but hopefully I'm learning my lesson!

crazy_cat_lady

Your story sounds so familiar to me... I used to spend a fortune on other people. I don't know if I thought they'd be impressed or what. I can sometimes still fall into that trap, but usually talk myself out of it.