14 year relationship coming to an end

justme111

Leaving arrangements are good - does mean if you want to move out you move out , you do not need his agreement for that change and none of you owes any money for house to other.. I do not see the point in showing him this thread , you do not need to justify to him why you leaving or make him understand and agree what he done was unacceptable.

mandragora_2

justme111 wrote: »

I do not see the point in showing him this thread , you do not need to justify to him why you leaving or make him understand and agree what he done was unacceptable.

+1 from me for that.
The conversation, really, after the first time was, in effect:

You can have me in your life and be loyal to me, or you can have 'behaving how you want and betray the person closest to you' in your life, but you don't get to have both.

He's chosen to go down the 'behaving how he wants' route, which is absolutely his right to do - you can't make those choices for him. The only choices you can make are those relating to what you decide to do about it, and what future you want for yourself. He doesn't get to make those choices; you neither need to justify nor explain them to him. Decide, and then act.


This is a painful time, right enough, but work now, today, towards a brighter, better future for yourself.

Angry_Bear

Perfect_Circles wrote: »

I don't think I have it in me to forgive him again.

If this is true, then ....

Perfect_Circles wrote: »

All I want is for him to tell me why he hurt me again,

Why?

Perfect_Circles wrote: »

Also I have decided to show this thread to him later so he can see for himself the replies.

Again, why?

I'm not being facetious, you genuinely need to work out what you want. Is there some response he could give you that would make you try/forgive him again?
If so, then you need to work out what - but make sure you're not leading him towards saying what you want to hear. If not, then you have to accept that you'll probably never understand. Not easy, I know.

I don't think it will get easier to leave him, so if you can't forgive him maybe you have to rip the plaster off and go. Although I appreciate that there could be practical issues with this - do you have friends or family you could stay with until you sort out a rental?

My suspicion is that he is remaining silent because, consciously or not, he's trying to find the answer that will make you forgive him again.

somethingcorporate

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"

There should be nothing he could say to make this better (or nothing you could say to stop this behaviour for good) so I think you should cut your losses and look to move on with your life in the direction you want it to.

scarlet55

somethingcorporate wrote: »

"Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me"

There should be nothing he could say to make this better (or nothing you could say to stop this behaviour for good) so I think you should cut your losses and look to move on with your life in the direction you want it to.

^^^^^
This!

OP, he has no respect for you whatsoever! The first time was bad enough, it's not as though he went to the pub, got pie-eyed and slept with someone (which is still unforgivable) he planned it all - joining a dating site, chatting with women, having face to face skype calls, then texting, phoning, and eventually meeting one of them - then having sexual contact!

You forgave him, and now he's done it again. How many other times has he done it and you've not found out?

He absolutely will do it again, and I think deep down you know this.
I know you love him, and I feel for you, I really do, but he's no good, and you deserve much better. He's proved it, TWICE!

Please don't let him give you a sob story, there isn't one - like I say this was planned, and he'd still be doing it if you'd not found out.

Hugs to you xx

Ozzuk

I wouldn't walk away, I'd run as fast as you can. This man doesn't respect you and he will repeat the cycle - why...because he would have got away with it twice! Where is the incentive for him not to repeat? Another empty threat to leave?

You can do better, he isn't worth your stress, worry and love.

Once you are out of this relationship you'll look back and see it for what it is.

Lolitalala

if you really love that person you'll do everything possible to keep the relationship and his love for you!

tattycath

Lolitalala wrote: »

if you really love that person you'll do everything possible to keep the relationship and his love for you!

And if he loved her he wouldn't test her love for him or look elsewhere

kelpie35

Lolitalala wrote: »

if you really love that person you'll do everything possible to keep the relationship and his love for you!

How can the OP justify any love from her partner when she has been treated in this manner.

OP if you have any self respect you will walk away with your head held high.

I know it will not be easy but you owe it to yourself.

Once a cheat always a cheat in my eyes, and I wouldn't give anyone a second chance if that is how they behave.

Fireflyaway

Maybe he is staying quiet to avoid confrontation. I guess he knows he has done wrong and doesn't want to see you upset or face up to the fact you might split up.

14 years is a long time. Have you explored why he did it or is this what he won't talk about? I think you deserve an explanation. Maybe he liked the attention and boost to his self esteem. I think men can separate sex from love more than woman so it may have just been a physical desire and not that he loves you any less. Although you could argue how could he do that if he does love you...

Everyone has different tolerance levels. For me I would probably forgive him if it wasn't something that happened in person. I would put it down to a lustful mistake if he is a good guy in every other respect. However that could give the signal that he can do it again - or - it could show him how much he is loved and make him not want to hurt you again. You know him best. If you forgive but then live the rest of your life paranoid and worried maybe there is little point. I do think he should at least explain himself.