cheating?

FBaby

You've got two choices: You believe that he is not the person you thought he was, he is a liar who doesn't care to decieve you and will most likely do it again. You don't trust him anymore, you dump him. Or, you believe what he tells you and act on the messages he has given you. Does he have a point that you don't talk any longer, that the intimacy has gone and that is mainly due to you, that he tried to do something about it but you didn't respond, and therefore there is something worth working on, in which case, you have a lot of talking to do.

kitrat

How did you 'discover' he was on three hook up sites? Perhaps you had an inkling something was wrong and went looking? Trust your instincts and move on.

Gloomendoom

Judi wrote: »

You dont have to go on a hook up site to chat to people.

Absolutely, I chatted to several people after church this morning.

I'm pretty sure that my wife is OK with it.

Guest101

If there's no intimacy, it will lead to so many more problems.

I suspect he was testing the water, getting abit of a buzz from it all.

No-one can demand intimacy, but it can be to some degree expected in a loving relationship.

So i guess you don't have to sleep with him once a week, but the fact you dont want to should scream alarm bells to you.

It's often easy for life to get on top of anyone. But failing to make time for the person you're supposed to care about most can, and does, cause serious rifts.

Just a quick thing from experience: In my last relationship, I wasnt often (like really not often) first on my ex's thoughts. Of course DS took first place for both of us. But then she wanted pets. Then her parents took over the position. Then something else.....

Before long I was so far down the list of making time for, that i genuinely resented her. I still cared about her, and i would try to arrange a night out, or anything tbh where it could've been just the two of us. - I dont think she meant it deliberately (who knows?!), i think she just took it for granted. Anyway before i go too far off topic:
If he's tried and you've rejected him, his ego has probably taken a bit of a hit. If you have no time for him, why be with him?
- Or if he has no time for you?

For me months, turned to years, and i dont see a way back. If you still have a chance, and you want to, why not sort it out?

mandragora_2

If both parties are fine, and their libidos match, then the frequency of sex in a relationship is absolutely not an issue. However, just as 'inappropriate relationship' (ie does NOT have to be a physical affair) can be grounds for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour, so can 'lack of sexual relationship' along with many other things, too. http://www.watson-thomas.co.uk/help-and-advice/27-help-and-advice-divorce-relationship-breakdown/63-grounds-for-divorce-unreasonable-behaviour

I'm not saying that either or both of you need to be thinking about divorce - if you are both happy with things as they are, then it's no-one else's business. However, I am saying these are pretty serious waters your relationship is drifting into, and that perhaps it's time for you to sit and have a think about what you do want, and whether or not you should both be having a really serious and important conversation. Life is too short, and too precious to let it drift off course into something unhealthy for too long.

Good luck to you both in finding more happiness and fulfillment than either of you seems to be experiencing right now.

System

If your sex life isnt very good and he's feeling a bit 'needy' maybe he is looking for an ego boost.

I'm not making excuses for him by the way.

amistupid

Dazedandconfused1 wrote: »

Do I have to have sex with my boyfriend at least once a week to stop him looking elsewhere?

Once a day would be preferable followed by a beautiful home cooked three course meal.

duchy

Dazedandconfused1 wrote: »

In truth we haven't slept together for a long time but I assumed we were both busy and stressed with work and we were close in other ways.



t

Unless you both work seven days a week and work opposing shifts what could be more stress busting than a lazy lie in at the weekend and sex happening naturally ?

You asked if you "have to" have sex with your BF once a week to keep him happy.

The question is why do you feel it is "have to" rather than "want to" .

Do I think he is feeling neglected - Yes....... Is that an excuse for flirting -no but it should be taken as a warning sign that your relationship is suffering due to neglect and you need to make sure you find the time for each other no matter how busy you are....... both physically and emotionally.

duchy

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

The usual routine when people have their nasty secrets uncovered is to lie to your face, even when you have incontrovertible evidence. Then, admit the absolute, bare minimum. "Chatting?" Yes, and we can all imagine what about, and very likely sending pics of his member to a receptive audience. And then to minimise, minimise, minimise while they desperately cover their filthy tracks.

No-one, NO-ONE goes on hook-up sites to chat, unless it's to talk filth at a safe distance

Dump his scratty @rse before he gives you an STD

From internet chat ?

Newsflash for you - "Talking filth" on the internet won't transmit an STD

onomatopoeia99

Dazedandconfused1 wrote: »

Do I have to have sex with my boyfriend at least once a week to stop him looking elsewhere?

First, all men are different, just as all women are different. Consequently, I can only talk about me and what my reaction would be.

While I'm not in one at present, in a loving relationship, if I look at my partner and don't desire physical intimacy with her, whether sex, or a kiss, or a casual touch of a hand on her hip, then something is wrong and I would try to understand why.

If she never initiates sex then I will feel unwanted, even if she goes along with it when I want. It can be pretty soul destroying to always be the one asking for something that should be at least as much fun for her as for me. If she doesn't desire me with equal enthusiasm to my own, then something is wrong.

I wouldn't go online looking for someone else, I'd talk to her to try to understand why. While I said all men are different, this is an area that most will find incredibly difficult or even impossible.

So, you don't have to have sex with your boyfriend once a week, but should be asking yourself why you are looking at it like a necessary chore? Do you want a celibate relationship?

It is possible that he just wanted to feel wanted. I'm not making excuses for him - I would have great difficulty ever trusting someone that had acted like he had done again, and the relationship would almost certainly be over, but I'd suggest you should look at why you don't ever initiate sex and seem to think of once a week as a necessary evil to be borne rather than something to be done frequently and with enthusiasm, because one way or other it will lead to problems, whether you stay with this person or end up in a new relationship.