I Will Be Free

IWillBeFree

dawnybabes wrote: »

Wow, you're doing fab :-). Subscribes x

Thank you so much, that's really good of you to say

IWillBeFree

peaceandfreedom wrote: »

Hopefully those pesky hormones will get back to normal - just keep telling yourself that this is a temporary low.

It's interesting about your fella. It's hard to share debt problems with people - I certainly don't tell anyone about mine (other than people here on MSE who I don't actually know, obvs ). I find it embarrassing I suppose - I know I've been very foolish, I am sorting it out, I don't feel the need to publicise it.

People know we're not exactly flush and I am quite open about saying 'we can't afford to do x,y,z' but I don't mention the debts except an occasional vague 'still have a credit card I'm paying off'.

I would say that a lot of people are doing likewise, including plenty who haven't yet had their LBM and are still living from paycheque to paycheque with large debts to service. I am now, finally, living within my means and so are you :T.

I think you are wise to keep quiet about it for now, though I don't imagine it would scare him off. Keep on testing the water a little bit and see how it goes. It's good you have a friend to confide in too.

That must be some laptop to be worth 400 quid second hand - is it made of 9-carat gold ?

Oh PandT, these pesky hormones are driving me insane - a real challenge this month!

I feel exactly like you, embarrassed to get myself in this mess but I am sorting it an dthe sooner the better. I just feel it would be helpful to have a person that I can chat to about it in real life, but even without that, I am determined to get there :j

The laptop is a MacBookPro and having checked on ebay, I can see the IT guy was right - they sell at huge prices!!! I cannot see me keeping it, £400+ is a nice amount to throw at the debt and an easy way to make it.

I will sit on it for a couple of weeks, in case my one packs up but in all likelehood, it is going

kirtsypoos

Hi IWBF,

I've just spend an hour reading through your diary and can completely sympathise with some things you say regarding your partner and debt. I felt similiarly - my OH knew I had some debt, but when I showed him the actual figures 2 weeks ago he sort of clammed up and it worried me. Luckily he has been great since and I'm sure your fella would be the same after a bit of time to thinking - after all you are showing so much commitment and willpower and we all make mistakes!

I've subscribed to your thread and look forward to seeing you numbers come down further

IWillBeFree

kirtsypoos wrote: »

Hi IWBF,

I've just spend an hour reading through your diary and can completely sympathise with some things you say regarding your partner and debt. I felt similiarly - my OH knew I had some debt, but when I showed him the actual figures 2 weeks ago he sort of clammed up and it worried me. Luckily he has been great since and I'm sure your fella would be the same after a bit of time to thinking - after all you are showing so much commitment and willpower and we all make mistakes!

I've subscribed to your thread and look forward to seeing you numbers come down further

Thank you kirtsypoos, that a really helpful and kind post

I have been thinking about this a lot and although I would feel some kind of relief opening up to him, I am not sure what other purpose it would serve at this point. We are not living together and unlikely to even think about that for a couple of years so I am going to try my best to do less thinking and enjoy what we have without wanting to add other complications to it - not easy for me as I am super analyser :rotfl:

IWillBeFree

This is my below £29K dance :j:j:j:j:j:j:j:j:j:j

£8,320.78 gone :T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T:T

IWillBeFree

What a miserable, glum, rainy day again......

Nothing much to report but I am aware I haven't posted much lately, other than my milestone yesterday. I must keep posting on here as putting things down helps me stay motivated and on track!

My week hasn't started according to the plan as I haven't been able to do some food shopping, so I had to buy lunch yesterday and today. £2 and £4.50 respectively. Not great costs but it all adds up and I haven't allocated a lunch budget as such so another area will have to be adjusted - which is not ideal as the month is very tight! I must sort out lunch for tomorrow which is my last working day this week as I have booked some time off :j:j:j

All the study items I listed on FB and Gumtree have not generated any interest so I will give them another push and as a final resort, put them on ebay next week. Not a big fun of ebay but I really need the desk, chair and shelves to go as I'd like to empty the room - and make some money to throw at the debt!

Arranged for two plumbers to give me quotes for the new boiler so hopefully I will have a better idea of the cost for that by the end of the week.

Onwards and upwards.....

IWillBeFree

Long day.....


Managed to get some grocery shopping done so now lunch is sorted for tomorrow, and the next few days. Quick walk with the hounds in the rain and then some housework. Sorted out YNAB and revised the budget, three weeks to payday and I MUST stay focused. It will be harder as unless some stuff sells, there will be no more debt payments until payday


On a happier note, after tomorrow, I am off work until next Wednesday

IWillBeFree

So, it has been many days since I was last on here....just where does time go! I :eek:

Not in a good place at the moment and feel a long post coming up. Grab a cuppa and a seat time or turn away now....

Life has been really busy. Work is REALLY hectic at the moment and I am overwhelmed. I recognise I do have a pattern in my life that goes something like this: really busy doing stuff - feeling happy that lots is going on socially and professionally - feel validated and fulfilled - sleep and rest takes a hit - use all my energy to give at work and in relationships with friends/fella and to make sure the hounds are happy/well exercised - then suddenly feel worn out/exhausted - too late to pull out of things and don't want to let people down - end up wearing myself out - melancholy/anxiety creeps in - continue to push myself to go to work - shut myself off everything else - then feel lonely/tired/not good enough.....

It is a pattern I became aware of in the last couple of years after counselling and I have to be mindful of it, before it tips over. I know most people manage life a lot better and have no issues with reaching a happy balance but for me, it is constant work to not go over the top on either side of the spectrum: the having a good time and keep working hard vs the tiredness/sadness/anxiety taking over and not wanting to get out of the duvet. :(

All this is very much on my mind at the moment as I have had a busy few weeks and I am seeing the impact now. Time to have a re-think....

So what has been going on...some great stuff! I reconnected with a friend via social media earlier in the year and we arranged to spend a weekend together. I visited him in his new home which is magnificent and has historical interest! Can't say anymore dues to privacy concerns but it was a wondeful weekend, spent talking and relaxing and generally catching up with our lives over the past 5 years or so. My friend is very astute financially and has made many good choices over the years, unlike me. It was great to see him happy and well and only wish I had his wisdom and financial savviness (is that a word?)

I left him thinking that I must do better as I really liked what he had achieved - apart from the great surroundings, I want his peace of mind most of all.

A few days later, the fella and I were away for the weekend to a particularly nice hotel and part of the country. This was my christmas gift to him, obviously well before my month of crisis and realisation moment! Most of it was paid for months ago and I use that description loosely as I am sure I put it on a credit card or overdraft so I will be paying for it until I am debt free..... We had a magnificent break and I managed to switch off my money worries as best I could and enjoyed the comfortable surroundings and all the things we did (and some we did a lot of )

This was an interesting weekend in many ways. We got on exceptionally well and we really connected. Very important to both of us. We also agreed we would like to have that kind of weekend a couple of times a year, just 'us' time, in a nice place where we can just be with each other and shut every thing else off. I really would like that to happen but, as things stand, I am not in a position to afford it so after I got over my 'woe is me' feeling, this is another pressure/incentive to pay the debt off as soon as possible!

I started tackling the list of things that need immediate attention in my house, following the disaster in June. I have had the new boiler installed and I (and more importantly the lodger! :money:) are very pleased that we can take a bath again!

I have selected the flooring that needs to be put down so we won't have to walk on floor boards anymore and that is going down next week :T I have never painted anything in my life without it being a disaster but, looking at my situation, I will have a go! I have the paint that was used when I had the house painted last year (I'm sure I am still paying for that job too :cool:) so I have asked a friend to help me and we can tackle the kitchena nd hall way. what's the worst that can happen, right? :rotfl:

Then all that's left is to replace some key items like the vaccuum cleaner, iron etc and I will be back where I was pre June.

Although I have managed to avert the lodger going (I hope!), unfortunately the guy that is renting the garage, has given me notice so I will be £100 down from October. I will try to rent it again off course but that is a little concern at the moment.

Some other good things: I wrote to Experian, following :money:email about claiming back charges and I got £140 back within a couple of days. If anyone is thinking about doing it, don't - just do it! Easiest thing ever and totally hassle free.

I got £150 paid into my bank accoutn as a switch incentive too so for very little effort, I got a nice amount of cash to throw at Barclaycard.

I also did another car boot sale. It was not as good as my first one but got £44 to throw at the debt. :T Still have lots of things listed on various sites with no success, hope that changes!

Still sticking to the budget and I am very pleased that I am managing to make breakfast and lunches mostly, so no cheeky trips to Cafe Nero or such unless there is reason to go there such as colleague get togethers which are also important - and rare.

I joined the gym again in August and have managed to go once a week which is what my membership allows. I am upping it to two times a week in September which will have an impact financially and also in my rest time but feel it helps me in many ways. I have also looked at my walking stats and great news for the hounds: we have walked over 3 miles every day for the last 6 weeks! A record for us as I struggle to do all the walking they need after long days at the office.

I am still actively looking for another job to improve my income but not many posts are coming up that are suitable. I have been approached about two positions though and I am hoping that something comes of it. I won't know until the end of the month so fingers crossed please Both are suitable travelling distance too which is very helpful as usually I am asked about things the other side of the countly :mad:

On the less than great side of things, I have reconciled all my accounts and expenditure and it seems that YNAB tells me I should have £300 somewhere that I don't actually have I must have made a mistake somewhere but after spending hours on it, I admitted defeat and left it. I will have another go tonight to try and resolve it as I am really gutted - I love using YNAB and I thought I had learnt to use it well but now I am not sure

According to my spreadsheet, I have 28 months to go until I am debt free. This is really weighing on my mind as I cannot see how I will sustain it for that long. I feel I must get another job and increase my income to be free quicker as it is eating me up

I know I've put a lot down here and somehow writing it helps - my mind is racing and it is not all that productive. I just hope when I turn around and read it all again in a few weeks time, some of it will help.

A very perplexed IWBF x

crazy_cat_lady

Hey IWBF
Sounds like you've had a really good few days in terms of getting away and catching up. And I'm so pleased to hear that the house is getting back to normal at last.
There's a lot to be said for R&R time and a good night's sleep. I can get very irrational and down when I'm tired. I'm like you - I tend to go for everything to the max, then burn myself out and it's usually me/my own sanity that gives first because I don't like letting other things go. I have started making lists - I'm terribly badly organised - to help me get things done. I order them as essential, important or later - then drop stuff if I don't have time.
I say go for the gym if it makes you feel good. Whilst 28 months isn't for ever, you do need to allow yourself something of a life in that time - and whilst you could cut everything back to the bone, that just isn't sustainable.
I know what I'm doing at the moment isn't sustainable and so I'm working out what things I can let go of for the time being... before I get ill again.
Good luck with it - and be kind to yourself - you've had a pig of a few months...

IWillBeFree

Thank you crazy cat lady. You post, with your kind words and good advice, was just what I needed to read this morning.

We are similar people it seems, go for things hard and then suffer consequences. Like you, i fell ill due to this pattern in the past and I am scared of letting it happen again. My mind is weighing heavy with all sorts of things and I really need to get a better handle of it.

I agree with you, cutting everything back to the bone is not the answer as it is not sustainable. There has to be a middle ground that works but most importantly, I have to accept that it will take as long as it takes and I am doing well.

Work in progress that....:)