I Will Be Free

IWillBeFree

Hello fellow MSE forumites

I have been inspired by reading so many diaries and I thought this may be another tool in my journey towards freedom so here is mine.

I came to MSE back in February after I hit the end of limits in my cards and overdraft which made me take a good look at my finances. I knew I wasn't doing great but nothing could have prepared me for the figure of £37K looking back at me from my calculator. It nearly broke me, mentally and emotionally, and it absolutely petrified me to realise that I am on my own, nearly 40, with a huge mortgage to a house that needs a great deal of maintenance and apart from a huge debt, not much else.

The initial panic, which lasted a couple of months, led me to having what I can only describe as a mini break down. I was hospitalised after collapsing following a few days of sleepless nights and not looking after myself and feeling my world had come to an end. A very bleak time and I thought I had reached the bottom but, a few months later, a leak in my home caused tremendous damage to the building and contents and that really brought me to what I feel is my moment of realisation.

Having no back up fund and no available credit anywhere, I struggled big time to pay the trades involved to sort out the mess and it's not over yet. Luckily, a friend helped me out and I hope the home insurance will cover some of the costs too but no decision on that yet.

It has been a very difficult year but as I'm typing this, I don't feel this debt will be the end of me or any other dark thoughts along the lines of the time I totalled it all up. I feel I NEED to be rid of this weight that's holding me down/holding me back and I need to be systematic about it.

I have reduced my outgoings tremendously, but there is always things I can tighten up. I'm starting to sell things I don't need or want and that is helping to lighten my mind more than anything else. Decluttering is good for my soul I am building up a 'back up' fund to cover all my bills for 2 months. Still some way to go on that but I feel it will be another load off my mind to know I have a small emergency pot. I'm paying the minimum on all my debts for now. I will increase that as soon as my little pot reaches the 2 month bill figure, hopefully next month.

So, no big pay offs or debt clearing yet but steady and focused should do it. I hope.

I will post an SOA and debt list soon and hope you chip in with your kind and helpful advice as I do need it.

I Will Be Free x

IWillBeFree

Long day today but came home and took the hounds for a walk straight away. Nice evening for it and the park was really busy with lots of doggies and owners. Came back and after a quick dinner, I thought I'd check my balances and put them on here. So....

1. Halifax overdraft 2,881.78
2. Halifax card 4,404.34 at 19.5% account closed
3. Tesco card 10,672.16 at 17.9% account closed
4. MBNA 9,121.73 at 0% until 1.1.16 then 25%
5. Barclaycard 8,231.61 at 0% until 1.10.16 then 25%
6. Friend 2,000 at 0% but is asking for payment

Total: 37,311.62


I have used a snowball calculator and it says I should start with the Barclaycard. I don't get that as I would have thought I should be paying the highest interest first. What are people's thoughts on that?


Thanks


IWBF x

IWillBeFree

Busy day at work and wasn't really concentrating which made things seem a lot harder.

My kitchen is still a building site following the leak but the builders made good progress today. Beginning to look almost normal again. No news from the insurance company, I should chase them up tomorrow really. I wish I had a decision by now. I really hate the not knowing part! Never been good with that.

I have been dating a lovely man and he's been wonderful over the whole disaster. He helped at home today whilst I was at work. Did a lot of clearing up and kept the dogs out of the way which is a huge weight of my mind. I am really glad I've had his support as I don't think I could have managed. So I took him out to the pub for a little thank you meal. We had a relaxing time and although it cost nearly £40, there was money in my 'going out' pot to cover it. Not much else left there though so a quiet few days ahead hopefully!

Had an awful night last night, waking up several times and worrying about my debts. Here's hoping tonight is much better! New book should hopefully do the trick.....

in_need_of_direction

You really need to find out what the delay is on the insurance?

IWillBeFree

Thank you in need of direction. I will call them after 9am to see if I can get an answer today.

IWillBeFree

Not sure where the last couple of weeks have gone! Immensely busy at work and trying to balance life I think.


Still not got to a final position with the insurance for the repairs following the leak and the replacement of the damaged items. They have now offered 50% of the buildings works and nothing on the items that had to be replaced. I have not accepted as I don't think that is fair and also, I borrowed from a friend to help me pay the builders so if the insurance doesn't cover it, I have more debt to take on The works are still not complete so I am living without flooring in my kitchen at the moment and without a vacuum cleaner, iron, ironing board etc. I can manage but the lodger is not impressed


A few other things have gone wrong, which I think are sent to test me or drive me to destruction!Someone drove into the passenger side of my car and didn't leave a note, my boiler has stopped working all together - the plumber said it needs replacing, I got left with some of my window handles in my hand when I opened them to get some air in the house as it's been so lovely lately so now they are permanently shut. No idea how I will repair/replace things. Surely a lotto win is next?!


Despite all this, I am trying to remain positive and keep on with my mission. I have £110 left in my overdraft until payday so here's hoping nothing urgent goes wrong between now and then!


I've been eating out of the freezer and cupboards in the last couple of weeks. Scared to spend anything really but also good to have a clear out. I have nearly emptied the freezer - apart from dog food....hmmmm ROTFL


I accepted when I first started debt busting that things will be harder for a bit then kind of even out but no sign of that yet. I feel like I am having a run of bad luck but at the same time, I am really happy in my personal life as I think I've met my soul mate. We are head over heels in love and although I get down about my debt, thinking about him and how wonderful he is, helps me stay focussed. Just need things to stop breaking down/requiring money all the time!


Best take off myself to bed. Started a new book last night, Me Before You, and looking forward to it.

kittycatfan

Hi and welcome ,its so annoying when things go wrong with boilers etc but hopefully you can sort it and then hopefully your insurance will cough up and then youll finally be able to move on and concentrate on debtbusting,good luck

IWillBeFree

Thank you kittycatfan, I certainly hope so too

Feeling on a bit of a downer today and this is a warning: don't read below if my mood is likely to affect you!

I am having one of those days where everything seems way too much to deal with. Lots of different issues at work, mainly of the staffing kind, which are so time and energy consuming. Add to that cancellation of a meeting today, where lunch was provided, so I had to go get some bits and ended up paying £8. Prior to budgeting for everything, not only would I have spent more, but I would not think twice about buying lunch. Now though, things are different and it's not a nice feeling to have to add that amount in YNAB which is what I use.

Having said that, I cannot use YNAB as my phone stopped working and although Vodafone sent me a replacement yesterday, it is faulty so I borrowed a device from a colleague which means am without my normal apps. I hate not logging my spending and checking my bank account every day and really wish Vodafone sorted themselves out but instead I am told I have to wait another three days before they do anything One contract I cannot wait to terminate in October!

I realised this morning that although I have approx £110 left in my overdraft until payday, the car needs petrol and I had agreed to go out with a friend one evening this week. Living life on the edge again!

I am trying really hard not to let all my thoughts get on top of me as I am prone to depression and falling down that spiral won't help me or my debt paying. My boyfriend has noticed I am low and is asking some pertinent questions as he's noticed a change in my spending patternt so I am trying to pull myself together for the sake of us.




Some positive things which in time, hopefully, will make a difference in my budget:

• 2nd month of not getting my nails done every couple of weeks and I am doing fine. Thought I'd really miss it but it doesn't feel like I am depriving myself so that's a saving of £30 a month roughly
• 5th month of not going to the £120 a go hairdressers. I have found a lovely old ladies type hairdressers and now get a hair cut and colour for £35 a month
• Did my first ever car boot sale. My main aim was to get rid of a lot of things my ex had left in the house when he moved out in 2012 but, I also made £120. I had hoped to pay off debt with it but then the ceiling came down and the builders bills etc. Still it helped and I will do another one in August.
• I have listed various things on facebook for sale and if they don't sell by the weekend, I will try other sites, like ebay.
• I have stopped doing big food shops all together. I used to waste so much food as to be honest, I'm no great cook and I don't like eating alone. I have been raiding the cupboards and freezer lately and just bought little bits. Once the resources run out, I will just buy stuff for one or two meals - that works better for me.
• I got a lodger and rent out my garage for the last 4 months. Some income has gone towards debt and some towards a buffer which is great - even though the buffer has gone until the insurance company pay up :mad:
• I have consistently used vouchers for food shopping or eating out in the last few months. My friends query why we keep going to Pizza Express but I don't really care anymore :rotfl:
• I have not bought any treats or new collars etc for the dogs for months. I used to go in for a bag of tripe and then come out with a car boot of stuff!
• I use YNAB religiously, if it is not in my pot, I adjust and then deal with things so I am not overspending. Love it and miss it right now.

I am hoping if I keep thinking positively, my mood will lift eventually. Obviously, the insurance paying the costs will work a treat on my mood but I have to be realistic, that won't happen soon.


Onwards and upwards!!!

chasingfreedom

Found you


Wow, it sounds like you are having a rough time at the moment. I'm prone to depression aswell so I totally understand how you are feeling. You are doing amazingly well despite all of the problems it sounds like you've been having. Just keep treading water and plodding along and you'll get over the hurdle before you know it. I hope the insurance comes through for you and takes off some of the pressure.


Sounds like maybe you should have a chat with your fella aswell and tell him what you are doing? You don't have to tell him the extent of it but you could at least tell him that you are trying to clear some bills and cutting back so he'll understand if you aren't splashing the cash for a while. Once you've managed to reduce everything down a bit the monthly amounts will go down and relieve some pressure aswell.


I'm going to subscribe and cheer you on. Do something nice for yourself today, even if its a nice bath, bar of chocolate and a book or something. Take care xx

IWillBeFree

Hey CF, nice to see you over here

You made me well up with your kind words which I really appreciate. I keep thinking any minute now my luck will change and things will feel more manageable - it has to, right?

My fella (that's better than 'boyfriend', at my age lol) is very careful with money, is a natural saver and is in a very healthy financial position. I explained recently that I have a £3K overdraft which I keep reaching the limit of by payday, and he was supportive but also shocked. He keeps mentioning deals that he sees to do a balance transfer so will have to be more honest with him soon and explain that my credit record doesn't leave me that option. Not looking forward to that conversation but if we are to have a future together, which we both want, then that seems like a conversation that has to happen.

I am going to take the hounds for a long walk when I get home. Seems like a lovely evening and they have so much energy - unlike their mummy :rotfl:Helps to clear the head and hopefully go to bed more positive tonight!!!

mumblingtaff

Hello IWBF!
I found you ....not stalking you, honest!

It seems like we have a lot in common....similar age, dog lovers, having a "man friend" (I hate boyfriend at my age!), reading and the small matter of trying to pay off the debt.

Hope you're feeling a bit better now? Having read through your posts you have loads to be proud of so far. Rejoice in the changes you've made and your progress.
Have a relaxing evening and take some time for yourself, when I'm feeling a bit wobbly I watch some telly, eat crisps, have a bath and generally bore myself into being more positive and happier. I'm very much a " get a grip woman" type when it comes to myself, I wallow for a bit and then seem to embark on a bit of a mission with something, anything really! It's a bit all or nothing with me.

Take care
I have subscribed - I'm a nosey old git! Xx