How can I be a proper adult?

Gingernutty

There is/was a brilliant cartoon strip, written by Bill Watterson, called Calvin and Hobbes which chronicled the adventures of a little boy and his imaginary friend/stuffed tiger.

People tend to remember the little boy and his friend but forget that a large part of the cartoon was centred on his parents.

It was remarkably profound considering it was a three box strip in a newspaper.

As part of the storyline, the family's house is burgled. Calvin treats it all like it's part of a huge adventure but his parents are completely freaked.

After the burglary, lying awake, his parents are discussing what happened and how they're dealing with it.

Mom: Are you still awake too?

Dad: Mm-hmm, I was thinking.

It's funny...when I was a kid, I thought grown-ups didn't worry about anything. I trusted my parents to take care of everything, and it never occurred to me that they might not know how.

I figured that once you grew up, you automatically knew what to do in any given scenario.

I don't think I'd have been in such a hurry to reach adulthood if I'd known the whole thing was going to be ad-libbed.

And, as far as I can tell, it's true.

We are all just making it up as we go along.

How sensibly and responsibly we do that is what makes us adults.

Sam_Fallow

DC, I think you are over-estimating your perception of everybody else and under estimating in your own qualities and abilities.

Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional.

VfM4meplse

dandy-candy wrote: »

DH isn't any better at it either I'm afraid.

I find it weird that two of your are seemingly so unworldly.

Definitely a perception thing.

Threebabes

I feel that we muddle through and do whats best.

Im sure you are doing a great job.

dandy-candy

Thank you for so many replies. It's so surprising, but reassuring that I'm not alone in being like this. I really thought there was some turning point is missed where I was suddenly meant to become worldly wise and have all the answers. I will work on my confidence, and just keep being there for them with hugs - that I can do!

scarlet55

Sam_Fallow wrote: »

DC, I think you are over-estimating your perception of everybody else and under estimating in your own qualities and abilities.

Growing old is compulsory, growing up is optional.

^^^^^This!

I'm in my late 50's, but feel I'll never be a grown up.:p

tyllwyd

Dandy-candy, I can't help thinking you are overthinking things again. Your kids are still children, they still need you to give them a bit of time and listen to them, and they still need to know that you are on their side against the world. Most of the time they don't need you to give them advice and tell them what to do, if you give them a bit of space and let them talk things through, they will work it out for themselves. My biggest regret with my parents is that when I had big decisions to make my late teens, I couldn't talk it over with them because I knew they would jump in with what they thought I should do, and get upset if I didn't do exactly what they wanted, so I missed out on their support.


My kids are early teens, and I've tried to give them that space, and I think it's mostly worked. And I'm very far from being a calm person who sails through life, but I've been open with them when I'm stressed and fussing over nothing, and now they recognise the signs and they are the ones telling me to stay calm, and I don't need to check the front door is locked when I've already done it twice, stupid things like that.


I'm sure you are a great mum, now what you need to do is get the confidence to carry on, and let them grow up and find their own way through life with you encouraging them from the sidelines!

Goldiegirl

dandy-candy wrote: »

I see TV shows and read books with wonderful role model mums who are a font of wisdom and always have their kids back. Great wives who are an asset to the home and family. .

But all these TV shows and books aren't real life.

In real life, even people who might act 'grown up', are secretly beset by doubts and insecurities - they just don't let it show.

Just get on with life being yourself, and don't try and be something based on fiction

Kaye1

I am one of those people who remain calm. I never flap or panic. However, I am not some wise and all knowing owl!


For me personally, I have been through things in my early life that have been pretty grim. So things that seem to make my friends panic and flap, don't really bother me. Because I know that ultimately, I'll get through it.


So those people who you perceive to be wise- might have just have a different sense of perspective, that's all. Please don't think I am belittling what you feel- I am not at all. But what you see about these 'grown up' people may just be about what they present on the outside.

Sam_Fallow

I think that the milestones that you achieve have a role in this too. When you are a young buck teenager, 30 seems to be ancient and anything older than that is pointless. But when the big 3-0 comes around you expect that things will slow down and youth has passed. Now is the time to be a grown up.

Then 40 rolls by and much the same thing happens again and you seriously consider giving up sports and other activities that the body can't handle like it used to. Maturity is going to take over and at last I'll be an adult.

50 looms on the horizon and now I'm the age I remember my parents being. You think 'I'd better just bide my time until retirement so I'll take it easy for a while until I retire and then I'll have a long rest.'

However, it never turns out that way. With these milestones, I still think things like 'look at that old guy' and then, realising he's about my age, 'why does he look so old?' I expect he's looking at me thinking the same thing.

A phrase often bandied about is 'act your age', usually directed at infants in an effort to get them to behave.
Now that you are an adult, this no longer applies.