Lie-Detector?

nearlyrich

Sadly there is a child in the mix I think you need to grow up and form a reasonable but platonic relationship with your ex wife and move on from the ex gf who is paranoid about the ex wife, she will never be happy with you having a co-parenting role with your ex wife.

j.e.j.

mcscoobs wrote: »

In need of some urgent advice!

I've been with my partner for 7 months, we live together (or did!). Anyway my ex (the mother of my child) was texting me telling me she needed to talk to me and it was urgent. She was quite persistent. So after a while, I allowed her to come round 1 night knowing my current gf was out. My gf is paranoid about my ex as we are still married (on paper) but been seperated for a year. My ex came round and told me she still had feelings for me. I've already moved on. She ended up staying until the early hours of the morning talking.

However, stupidly,the next week or two after, her saying she had feelings triggered a switch. As much as I didn't want her one bit, I wanted to play a bit of a game and see if I could get her to want me (if that makes sense?) And yes, I'm aware now of how stupid an idea it was.

My ex then called my gf and told her she came over and that we slept together, to try split us up. My gf believes her and not me as she was already paranoid. I've got proof I haven't slept with her, and my ex is very vague about the specifics of the sex that we apparantly had.

My ex has moved out back to her parents and quit her job. She said she no longer trusts me... whether I slept with her or not, I lied to her about talking to my ex (which I said I hadn't done due to her paranoia). She wants me to take a lie-detector test at a cost of approx. £500. I don't want to do it. I know i'd pass it, but then what? She will accuse the machine of being wrong, everytime we argue, is she going to demand I take another test? How do I say no to the test without it looking like i'm guilty? I do love her, I do want her back... she said that if i'm willing to do whatever it takes, I have no reason not to do this test.....

Pfft.. the moral of the story?

Never get involved with a married man!

Meg_x

OP you sound like a real keeper!:cool:

FBaby

Babbawah wrote: »

No.

You are wrong.

Trust is the fundamental basis for ALL relationships.

Please don't confuse what trust really means with your own insecurities.

Might want to reconsider the patronizing tone! I've never said that Trust wasn't an essential part of a relationship, I have said that trust is something that takes time to grow. Trust is not something you have/give or don't, it has many different facets and it is something that can evolve or die very slowly.

Different people are prepared to start trusting at different stages. What you call insecurities, I call being realistic and protecting oneself.

My view on trust is that it is something that is earnt. That goes both ways. It might take time for me to trust someone, but I don't expect them to trust me immediately either. I take responsibility for my actions to show them that indeed, I can be trusted. That's why it took the time it took before OH and I decided to get married. We both needed to reach that point of trusting each other fully. It didn't happen the second we met, nor the 2nd month, or even the second year but now, our mutual trust is set to a level that I have never experienced before.

Pollycat

fairy_lights wrote: »

Wow. You sound like prime Jeremy Kyle material.

fairy lights has given you the solution.
Save the £500 and get Jezza to do it for free.

FBaby

She's asked me to do that... her friends and family are important to her.... she said if i'm happy to do this, she'll believe i'm serious bout trying to win her back. I'm more than happy to do this.

I think you are being taken for a fool! She asks you to speak to her friends and you run, she asks you to take a lie detector and you say that won't make any difference to how you feel...well, here she goes, she's got her answer right there without you needing to take it...and you can't even see it!

thorsoak

Any relationship that necessitates talk of a lie-detector test is doomed for all but the Jeremy Kyle Show.

Do both of these women a favour, walk away, grow up - and think with your head in future, not with what's in your pants!

Guest101

thorsoak wrote: »

Any relationship that necessitates talk of a lie-detector test is doomed for all but the Jeremy Kyle Show.

Do both of these women a favour, walk away, grow up - and think with your head in future, not with what's in your pants!

Its one episode id love to see

David301

Redacted

mcscoobs wrote: »

My ex gf has been back to the house twice.. says she loves me as equally as she hates me... she doesn't know how she can ever trust me again, which I completely understand.... I get the whole "but if you loved her, you wouldn't have done what you did"... I have no answer... I screwed up royally, it was a massive error in judgement, and now i'm trying to do what it takes to rectify that. I just don't think the whole thing should hinge on a test that isn't 100% accurate - whether she takes me back should be based on my actions, no?

Here's the thing though - her decision not to take you back is based on your actions. You want her to take you back based on your words and promises, and because of your actions, she was no faith that what you are saying is true. So, she's gone done the route of the lie-detector because she feels this might lend some credence to your words. Whether you or I feel a lie-detector test is worthless - she feels it has more worth than your words alone. By saying you'd do anything to get her back except the one thing she's asked of you, she's probably hearing "I want you back, but only on my terms".

If what other posters are saying about your history of cheating and lieing is true, if it were me, I would be thinking "well, that proves he still hasn't changed. He might be saying all the right things, but at the end of the day, he's made the same choices with me as he did with his ex". In those circumstances, I wouldn't take you back, no matter what you said. I would feel that you had proven that you just can't seem to help but make the wrong choice and do the wrong thing. Especially as you say you love her. If your love for her wasn't enough to stop you acting like this, this time, why would it be any different next time? You haven't learnt from your previous relationship, so why should she believe you will learn from this?