Lie-Detector?

FBaby

Even if I took the lie-detector test and it backed up what I was saying, she will probably just say the machine was faulty and still not believe it. And then the next time we argue, then what? Ask for more tests?

Your argument doesn't stack and I'm not surprise your girlfriend doesn't trust you at all.

Let's see:
option one: You take the lie detector, it says you haven't lied (passed ALL the questions...). Outcome possible: a- she believes you, she is relieved, happy that you were prepared to do it and that you worked extra/gave up something to pay for it to show your commitment to your relationship. All is well and you can move on having learnt an important lesson. b- she says that she still doesn't believe you, but at least she is left with some doubts as after all, you went for it and you were prepared to pay for it. With time, you might still have a chance to regain her trust.

Or option 2: You don't take the lie detector because she MIGHT still not believe it and MIGHT still not want to be with you, which inevitably will result in her NOT believing you and wanting to be with you.

Ummmm, let me think which option makes more sense if you really want to be with her and you are indeed not lying....

Guest101

How about this.

You pass, she pays

You fail, you pay

?

-taff

How about not taking a lie detector and just moving on?
She will always mistrust you, it's not worth paying 500 to have the same issue crop up again in a few months time.

And stop being an @rse.

swingaloo

mcscoobs wrote: »

In need of some urgent advice!

I've been with my partner for 7 months, we live together (or did!). Anyway my ex (the mother of my child) was texting me telling me she needed to talk to me and it was urgent. She was quite persistent. So after a while, I allowed her to come round 1 night knowing my current gf was out.

So it was urgent but you waited until a night when your girlfriend was out to invite your ex round.


My gf is paranoid about my ex as we are still married (on paper) but been seperated for a year. My ex came round and told me she still had feelings for me. I've already moved on.

Clearly not or you wouldn't have needed to to talk until the early hours.

She ended up staying until the early hours of the morning talking.

So your girlfriend was out and knowing she is paranoid about your ex, you allowed your ex to stay till the early hours

However, stupidly,the next week or two after, her saying she had feelings triggered a switch. As much as I didn't want her one bit, I wanted to play a bit of a game and see if I could get her to want me (if that makes sense?) And yes, I'm aware now of how stupid an idea it was.

That shows a great lack of respect for your new girlfriend

My ex then called my gf and told her she came over and that we slept together, to try split us up. My gf believes her and not me as she was already paranoid.

If I knew my partner was likely to have his ex round whilst I was out he would be gone. Shes not paranoid, she quite rightly has no trust in you.

I've got proof I haven't slept with her,

Really! and how is that possible?

My ex has moved out back to her parents and quit her job. She said she no longer trusts me... whether I slept with her or not,

Whether you slept with the ex or not dosent matter, you had your ex round in your girlfriends home while she was out and tried to cover it up. You have proved yourself untrustworthy. why she wants a test is a mystery as even if you 'passed' the question about sleeping with the ex you have still deceived your girlfriend. She will not trust you again and why should she.

I lied to her about talking to my ex (which I said I hadn't done due to her paranoia).
You lied to her- end of. You lied because you thought you could get away with it but its easier to blame your girlfriends 'paranoia'.

She wants me to take a lie-detector test at a cost of approx. £500. I don't want to do it. I know i'd pass it, but then what?
She will accuse the machine of being wrong, everytime we argue, is she going to demand I take another test? How do I say no to the test without it looking like i'm guilty? I do love her, I do want her back... she said that if i'm willing to do whatever it takes, I have no reason not to do this test

You are both playing childish games. You don't love her or you would never have gone behind her back or lied to get away with it. She is being silly wanting you to take a test, she knows you are a liar whatever the outcome of a test. Even if you did not have sex with the ex you have still lied and let her down badly. She should forget the 'Jeremy Kyle' test and just move on without you. If she values her self respect then that's what she will do.

Babbawah

Trust is the most basic, the most fundamental foundation of ANY relationship.

Where there is no trust . . . there is no relationship !

[Deleted User]

It seems to me that your problem is not proving you didn't lie about sleeping with you ex.., its your life and partner choices.

You have one gf who can't get over you.., but to be honest, may have been playing mind games just as you were. Your ex is paranoid.., kind of more mind games. You play mind games. You also have no idea of boundaries., but these two go hand in hand. Similiar things WILL happen again.

I think you need to walk away.., and try and figure out what it is that got you into this situation and why you go for these sort of women.

There is a theory that even if a room full of people couldn't speak to each other but were asked to find groups .., those that grouped together would be found to be similiar. There's something that draws us to people of the same type. Even if that is a 'messed up' type.

Been there, got the Tshirt lol. I am now single.

Besides, if you were sure nothing nasty (and I'm just not talking about sex) would show up in the lie detector test, you wouldn't have so many problems being that vulnerable. Its not just about the money, its the lack of control, not knowing what questions would be asked and what your answers or lies would reveal. You know it won't help.

bagpussbear

You don't need a lie detector test. You've played a stupid game for your own ego and it's backfired.

What you've done is pretty immature, and yet blame it on your girlfriend's paranoia. She isn't paranoid, simply her gut instinct told her you wasn't to be trusted. She was right.

FBaby

Babbawah wrote: »

Trust is the most basic, the most fundamental foundation of ANY relationship.

Where there is no trust . . . there is no relationship !

I don't agree with this. Trust is something you earn and it can take time. I didn't start my relationship trusting my OH as a matter of fact I was what some would have said paranoid but through having doubts and him showing me that I was wrong to mistrust him I gradually started to believe he could be trusted. I now trust him a 100% and if his ex came over I wouldn't be one bit fussed but then I know he would tell me. OP and his girlfriend have a long way to get there but is not impossible. That is of course if they care enough to be bothered to make the effort which I don't get from the posts to be the case.

mcscoobs

bagpussbear wrote: »

You don't need a lie detector test. You've played a stupid game for your own ego and it's backfired.

What you've done is pretty immature, and yet blame it on your girlfriend's paranoia. She isn't paranoid, simply her gut instinct told her you wasn't to be trusted. She was right.

I haven't blamed anyone, i've taken responsibility for my own actions, I've been incredibly stupid and paying the consequences. I've made a mistake and I want to make up for it. I'm making arrangements to go and see her parents, her sister and best friend individually to apologise for my actions and to prove it was a huge mistake, and that i'm going to win her back. I'm hoping I can regain her trust and I know it will take time to do.

mcscoobs

My ex gf has been back to the house twice.. says she loves me as equally as she hates me... she doesn't know how she can ever trust me again, which I completely understand.... I get the whole "but if you loved her, you wouldn't have done what you did"... I have no answer... I screwed up royally, it was a massive error in judgement, and now i'm trying to do what it takes to rectify that. I just don't think the whole thing should hinge on a test that isn't 100% accurate - whether she takes me back should be based on my actions, no?