Former friend accosted me inappropriately

itsanne

ScarletMarble wrote: »

I didn't b!tch in the messages, just told them what happened - left the pub to go to my car. She was there asking me why I've lied about her. Told her I don't want to talk to you ever, I've not lied and you ruined my evening'

This is giving out facts, not opinions. Those that replied where shocked and disgusted.

What was the point in telling them? That's what gets to the heart of the matter as far as your own role is concerned.

For your own sake, listen to what everyone here has said and let it all go. Do not tell anyone anything else about her, what she does or what she says. You have been lucky so far that this hasn't escalated into a disciplinary matter - stop while you're ahead. I agree that you should look for another job. It would be much harder to find one if you're sacked or given the kind of reference that all this nonsense could lead to.

Claire_A87

If I were this woman I'd be flattered that you're spending so much of your time and energy thinking and talking about her. Everyone has a bit of a b*tch and moan from time to time, but you're fully indulging in going on and on about her.

Everything she does annoys you, you don't like her, you can't understand her behaviours - there's no resolution to this, so stop unhealthily obssessing about her and move on.

lynsayjane

ScarletMarble wrote: »

I didn't b!tch in the messages, just told them what happened - left the pub to go to my car. She was there asking me why I've lied about her. Told her I don't want to talk to you ever, I've not lied and you ruined my evening'

This is giving out facts, not opinions. Those that replied where shocked and disgusted.

I'm not sure you can say she ruined your evening, I think if she wanted to do that she'd have confronted you in the middle of the event with everyone watching. Instead she chose to wait until a private moment as you were both leaving to ask you to talk.

onlyroz

If I slagged off work collegues on internet forums and Facebook I'd get the sack, and quite rightly too.

Guest101

Can i ask everyone to stop telling the OP to stop it.

Clearly:

1: her colleagues are getting some entertaining relief out of all this, and probably need it, having to work with the OP.
2: this advice could ruin the plan by management to finally rid the workplace of such negativity.

I dont think either would appreciate their plans being ruined by strangers on internet forums.

Thanks

System

itsanne wrote: »

What was the point in telling them? That's what gets to the heart of the matter as far as your own role is concerned.

For your own sake, listen to what everyone here has said and let it all go. Do not tell anyone anything else about her, what she does or what she says. You have been lucky so far that this hasn't escalated into a disciplinary matter - stop while you're ahead. I agree that you should look for another job. It would be much harder to find one if you're sacked or given the kind of reference that all this nonsense could lead to.

I.would like to change jobs, just for better pay.. But due to.my.eye condition, I find it a struggle to.drive more than 5 miles in the dark (pub was 2 miles) and.need operations on my eyes which.require time off work. Many employers don't pay full sick pay until two.years service. SSP is about £8 a day.

Can't affotd that

FBaby

You seem to have a need for your colleagues to give you their approval over your decision to befriend her. It's as if you are feeling bad about it, maybe you think that you haven't been fair to her or treated her well yourself, but as long as you can keep telling them that she treats you badly, you will continue to have their approval and they will continue to reassure you that you are right to act towards her the way you do.

In the end, most people unless close or strangers will agree with anyone as long as you justify your position. I bet if that ex friend had gone to the same colleague and told them that you had used her friendship when it suited you, but now that she is retired, you are snobbing her, they might have told her that you were very unkind and they felt sorry for her. She would also have felt that she was providing facts rather than opinions.

Maybe what you need is closure which would involve confronting her, telling her why you stopped wanting to be her friend and move on, which will mean stopping talking about her to ever will listen.

Guest101

ScarletMarble wrote: »

I.would like to change jobs, just for better pay.. But due to.my.eye condition, I find it a struggle to.drive more than 5 miles in the dark (pub was 2 miles) and.need operations on my eyes which.require time off work. Many employers don't pay full sick pay until two.years service. SSP is about £8 a day.

Can't affotd that

Have you reported this condition to the DVLA?

- ifnot i suggest you do so.

itsanne

ScarletMarble wrote: »

I.would like to change jobs, just for better pay.. But due to.my.eye condition, I find it a struggle to.drive more than 5 miles in the dark (pub was 2 miles) and.need operations on my eyes which.require time off work. Many employers don't pay full sick pay until two.years service. SSP is about £8 a day.

Can't affotd that

All the more reason to drop the playground behaviour before you lose the job then.


Trying to be constructive:

You came onto a forum and ended up with a unanimous view of the situation. How often does that happen? However uncomfortable that view makes you feel, let it tell you that there's been a problem and learn from it. Regardless of how defensive you feel just now, in the long run you'll be much happier.

shegirl

Not again!!! Is this the same woman you were constantly whinging about around a year ago,and since? The one who turned 'boring' because she cleans her house and has some different interests to you? The one you had to find every excuse to slag off and moan about?

It's time to grow up. Leave people alone and, for heavens sake, stop telling everyone your problems with her. All you ever had to do was say 'ah,we just fell out/don't get on anymore', not try and tarnish the womans reputation with everyone.

You aren't in primary school anymore !!!!!!