Time to grit my teeth, swallow my pride and face up to reality - 95k of debt

starting_again_4

Day 1 - Enough is Enough

Well, the time has come to sort my life out. I've had several mini light bulb moments I suppose but over the weekend I've decided to choose happiness. I have been lurking on this site for years, reading the inspirational diaries but never started my own.

So 95k in debt, eye watering huh! What do I have to show for it? Not a lot! To make matters worse or better, depending if you're a half glass full type of person is that i'm only 25 years old.

Things have never been worse, and from this day forward I will never again watch as my two young children go hungry as we have nothing in the house and not enough pennies to even buy a packet of cheap noodles.

How did I find myself in this disaster you may ask....I suppose a series of unfortunate events have led me to where I am. A culmination of debt accumulated via business!

I started out life, getting married very young and having two beautiful little people. I had the perfect life on the outside, started my first business at 17, was very successful, had no financial worries at all, had enough money to enjoy life and live comfortably. Then it spiralled...due to the break down of my marriage, I left the home with nothing, only a bag of clothes for me and the children and a few toys.

I had to start again. I had no access to savings so set myself up in my new house using my trusty credit cards! I'll easily pay them off I thought. I then had to buy my ex husband out of the business so took out a loan to do so and gave him the business van in settlement whilst I kept the family car.

Things were merrily ticking along paying £100 a month or so off each credit card and I decided to take on a business premises for my business. Of course, I wanted to make it fancy so upped the loan I'd taken out to buy out the ex - mistake number one! Roll round to 2013 when I inherited some money. Instead of paying off debt, I decided to buy not one, but two more businesses! Both were established and making a profit. Things ticked over slowly and I I kept investing until my money run out. By the time we hit 2014 things were rocky to say the least :eek: I had no back up and things we just about covering themselves. I had no income myself and used my credit cards as back up.

Then the worst happened - my mum got cancer. She was my lifeline. I was only able to run the businesses because of her. She helped me out if I was short on a bill, was my free childcare so I could work 14 hour days. After a short stint battling the disease, in August last year she died.

Things continued to spiral, I probably should have given it all up then but I didn’t – my pride got in the way. I tried more ways to get out of debt that just got me into more of it. I’m constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul.

Enough is enough. I’m so unhappy, my life is a mess and it’s time to sort it out before it’s too late.

AutumnLeaf

Really sorry to read your story, particularly on the loss of your Mum.

I own and run a business myself and it is totally different from getting a paycheck at the end of the month. The freedom can be great but they come with great responsibility and risk.

Are the companies limited companies? Have you considered insolvency?

You are a hugely successful young woman - you just took a wrong turn down a bumpy road. Going back won't be easy but I bet with the inner resources you have, you can make it through and come out even stronger.

Good luck.

ALx

POPPYOSCAR

Is your business still making a profit?

MuffinTops

Congratulations on getting here. Your "mistakes" are completely understandable and paths many of us would have taken. Myself included.

It's so easy to look back and think "I should have thrown it in then" but that's with hindsight. Someone who has what's needed to start their own business and increase those businesses isn't generally, in my opinion and experience, the type of person to give it all up easily.:cool:

I'm really sorry to hear how unhappy you are. Keep your diary going and you'll be surprised at the level of support and cheerleading you'll get. Even if you slip up come on here and talk about it, we're not here to judge you, we're here to help lift you during darker moments and cheer on your progress when it's going well. None of us had our lightbulb moment and had it plain sailing and perfect from there on, you're in good company.:)

I hope you don't mind me suggesting that it may be a good idea psychologically to break down your debt into manageable chunks? For instance, maybe think of it as a series of £5k debts. Just work on paying off £5k at a time so you don't get too overwhelmed to start with. Perhaps you could also think of a lovely treat for yourself and your children at the end of every £5k chunk? Preferably as frugal as possible, obviously

I'm so sorry to hear about your Mum passing. That's obviously devastating and not easy to overcome, especially when she was such an integral and supportive part of your life. x

Good luck with your journey.

MTx

starting_again_4

Wow, wasn't expecting anyone to read my diary, let alone reply! Thank you so much!

Autumnleaf - No, unfortunately the businesses are sole trader, so all the debt weighs on my shoulders. Bankruptcy is something I have looked into but would like to give it my best shot to sort it out myself. I got myself into this mess and I have to get myself out. I'm concerned about the impact will have on me for future.

Poppyoscar - Two out of 4 businesses ( I stupidly acquired another this year as a gift, which has caused further problems, but seemed too good of an opportunity to miss at the time) make a profit but anything made goes straight to paying something from one of the 4 businesses.

Muffintops - Thank you for your lovely post, great idea about the 5k chunks. Especially like the idea of a frugal treat! I have written all the debts down - which I plan to post at some point, when I have checked the latest "stage" as I fear we could well be above 95k since I last updated my spreadsheet!


I plan to post all my debts in my next post, which is a terrifying thought! Along with my monthly outgoings! Then we shall look at ways to start cleaning it! I have a lot of stock that can be shifted, so that will be my first port of call!

Cat_girl_2

Good luck on your journey in paying off the debts. You seem an intelligent and resourceful lady so nothing is beyond sorting. Be strong xx

dawnybabes

One step at a time, Rome wasn't built In a day

POPPYOSCAR

This may be a silly question but have you spoken with your bank?

Wantobeasaver

Nothing useful to add but best of luck, you can do it :j

Bobarella

Hi Starting Again

I wanted to say that I understand. I started my first business 3 years ago, sold the family home to do it, & it has been a turbulent road to say the least. As Autumn Leaves rightly says your pay cheque is never guaranteed & that is a truly tricky thing to deal with.

I've been in the situation of borrowing off credit card to pay staff wages, fearing the VAT notification & wondering how go pay the accountant and it isn't fun.

Anyway I am not in quite the same boat as you but I have certainly felt at times like I'm on a hiding to nothing & should I get out whilst I still can? But as others have said I think it takes a certain kind of mentality to do what we do. And it's the mind that doesn't quit at the first sign of trouble. Luck can go either way.

Suffice to say I am very interested in your diary and progress. So sorry about your Mum. What a huge loss.

All the best

Bob

AutumnLeaf

Hi Starting_Again,

How have you been? Any movement (either way!) to report? Keep us posted and we'll cheer you on.

I made a point about pay cheques but I was thinking - if you are a sole trader, then the profits are yours too so an opportunity to fix this problem sooner than you might think.

Hope you're okay.

ALx